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LOST:

I am a recent convert, don't do it, do not move out, it sounds like artificial progress.. staying in the home and being the rock could possibly put her into crisis.. that's what is needed, something to stir the pot... Oh, did I also mention, Do not move out...

sorry already done it..gonna hijack your style and move back home tommorow am !! how you doing anyway , i hope you stay strong !

If there were not an OM, you might could progress differently. However, your wife is not the person you married right now. Do not think moving back in is going to set you back. If anything, it is going to set back her affair.

Thanks i hope you know how much your kind words have a postive effect on me !!

LOST:

Hijack away, at your discretion and buyer beware, past performance may not predict future results

... I don't know how my sitch will end up, but I do know that I feel much better after standing up for myself and doing what I have done because I feel its the right thing to do for me AND my kids...

I believe Robx stated once, "if it feels hard to do, it's probably the right thing to do.."

(Thank you, I will enjoy my run on the FLA/GA border....)

Just some more info to hopefully confirm what i do....
t 10 y
m 7 y
we went to party and she spent the whole night sat next to a guy who was there with his wife , she moved away near the end and he followed her like a dog , this after spending 3 hours glued by his side. Everyone was commenting to me and then she acted odd and went in the toilet with her gf for 20 mins and ran out after whilst he gf distracted me(VERY OBVIOUSLY) We got home i was drunk and accused her flirting or trying to cheat with him)

Next am i said sorry and then 2 weeks later i get the IDLY bomb. Now she had tried to with me and we had gone out 1 together on our own , but she seemed cold and distant so i ignored her. WHAT A FOOL I WAS I NOW KNOW I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN ACTION THEN when i had the chance

At first i begged her to see sense tried to see i would change etc I moved to my mums ,i asked if there was OM and did some snooping, she made a point from here on in making sure i was never near her phone, about 1 month in i spoke to mil to see if she would stand in way of reconcil. she said give up you have destroyed any love she had for you ! ( i understand she is sticking up for her kin and has heard 1 side of the story) both her and mil have listed every mistake i have made in 10 years , nothing major , shouted at her twice , never hit her in anger)

(i did twice punch her too hard both on arm 1st was as a man would to another man when they are joking , and straight away her reaction made it clear to me it was not cool,the other was a joke 1 aboyt 8 years ago the last 1 year ago)

Anyway for the first 2 months i agreed with her when she said there was no hope etc ( i did backslide twice which brought the wall straight up with a full rendition of the 8 or so things i have done wrong in 10 years)

This last month we have spent every weekend together and the odd weeknight (me still going to my mums after)She has phoned a cried a few times to me and cried a few times when i was leaving saying how things would have been great if we had done these things before , it might not have ended like this.

I have partially GAL and done a few 180's been friendly and calm . I haven't phoned or chased so much but did have a confrontation when i found a Xmas card with "love from me" in it and then she hid it, it was the only card in the bedroom in a prominent place . I asked why she hid it and why it was signed me, she said it was from someone at work she was friendly with who she knew wanted to go "further" with her , but she hasn't slept with him.

She said she asked him to sign it that way so i wouldn't get mad ! now this don't add up as how would i know it was from and it was different from the other cards . she got alot with love and stuff from work people. Now it is 1 of the following 3 things i reckon.
1./ It was a setup to test me
2./ It was as she said
3./ complete BS and it was the guy at the start ( he was always looking at her and saying odd things out of the blue like not sharing a bed with his wife etc)

Now where i am...and what to do.

****Carry on doing what is working , as we have been spending time together and it gives me a chance to shine with my dbing ( as per the book) and continue to try to be her friend.
or as earlier advised declare i am moving back and that it that etc****

I love my wife and kids dearly and will do what i need to.
She does occasionally bring up divorce and what needs to be done but isn't very convincing.

sorry i have read many many threads but keep getting confused as to which way to go DR book says continue , Op say go back....

I guess the title is putting people off ?

How are things going lost?

I have been continuing on the current path . I have been reading lots of older threads and trying to get info from them. There are so many sad stories with truly great people that have had bad things done/happen to them that it has made me look at life a different way.