Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Wife wants best of both worlds

Nevermind, I think I got it. Kids names begin with K and B?

D - You had mentioned on CTH's thread that you would like some advice in your sitch, but I'm not at all up to speed and can't read all the pages right now. Can you give me a synopsis of the sitch?

DW,
You got it, I take it your on there also? if so send me a message. I am at work and can't get on but will later, I'll send you that pic from the other night. If you send a message it will also push through to my phone. Have you heard from your W. When are you going out to eat?

MHL-I sent her an email letting her know to call before she stopped by...no response yet!

Mishka-In a nutshell my W and I have been seperated for about 7 months and are working on the D. I caught her in an EA in Aug 08. She ended that R, we worked on things for about a year but could never get over the hurdle. She moved out in June of 09, which was a tough decision for her, and then reunited with the EA guy in July. They have been together since and things seem very serious between them. I am doing tough love mainly by restricitng family time (she is a cake eater) but am doing so in a friendly manner. We see each other during the kid exchange and on ocsasion when I loosen the family time boundaries. I believe I would still take her back (I still love her) but my DB options are very limited. If you read the last few pages on this thread you can get a good idea of my sitch and my frame of mind.

Any input you can provide (negative or positive) would be appreciated.

DW,
Relax, don't get upset if she does not come by or call or anything, just remember that would not be unusual for her. Try to keep it in the road so that when you do see her you can stick to the game plan.
Got the message, will respond late tonight or tomorrow. Going to play poker tonight with the guys, GALing and feeling good. Have a great evening with your kids.
MHL

Thanks MHL...game face is on and will be more than friendly tomorrow when she comes by to pick up the kids. Not even going to mention it.

When enough money tonight to buy yourself a dart board so you have a good spot to hang your lovely new picture.

Funny, I have had some thoughts like that but I make myself not think those things b/c it is negative. I literally try not to think anything negative about myself, my W, my kids or my sitch. One negative thought leads to another and so on and then I am on the floor in the fetal position, I am done with that!!

Did she ever call or come by?

She called when we were on the way to dinner and wanted to meet us there (she said she was just going to pop in real quick). I said "sure". We were there for about an hour and she never showed. On the way home she called to ask if we were still there and mentioed she was stuck in traffic. She sounded bummned that she was going to the miss the kids so I guess I beleive this. I told her it was no big deal since she was only going to pop in anyway and that she would have a good weekend with the kids. She then called at home (and left a message) to tell the kids she missed them.

We she said she was just going to "pop in" that made me a little uncomfortable. If she wants to say hi to the kids, she should stick around for awhile and make it an actual visit. For example, I asked her if I could stop by her house on Sunday and help put the kids to bed (about an hour-and yes, I know I am breaking my own boundaries). This is a real visit in my mind. In anycase, I am going to stop this "pop in" thing. If she wants to come over for an ocassional dinner or soemthing, I am cool with that.

Whats going on with you?

Great, I believe what your wife said and sometimes those things happen. They happened before you were separated and they will continue to happen. As far as the pop in thing, If I were you I would say pop into her place, and leave something of yours personal say something like your "underware" I know its juvenile but when OM comes over and knows you were there, don't you think that would piss him off and he would start messing up? Just a thought. Your sitch is different in that you have a known quantity with respect to the OM, whereas with my W she is going for slut of the century. BTW great looking kids, I know they mean the world to you.

My sitch is the same, however a little small thing last night a positive. D13 spent the night with a friend. So I got my S9 to go w/ me to guys poker night. S9 is frends with the son of the guy hosting, they played video games and watched tv all night, it was fun for both of us. When we got home 11:30 there was a message on the phone from my W wanting to say goodnite to ALL OF US (normally just S9)after she got of work from PT job at the mall. I never told her what we were doing, in fact did not speak to her at all yesterday. She sounded like I do when I call her and have to leave a voice mail, a little unsure what to say and you could detect a slight disappointment in her voice. She never calls on Friday or Saturday nights after work b/c she is usually on her way out to party or meet a man and would not want to field any questions I might ask. Hmmmm...what does this mean, well nothing now but it has been noted as a change in behavior in the book of "where in the hell did my Wife go?" I will update my sitch in a little while, S9 wants me to play video games right now, its just me and him so I am going to enjoy this time with him. ltr.

Ok here are my theories as to why W has not introduced OM to kids (from most likely, to least likley):

1. She wants to protect the kids and give them a chance to acclimate more to what D means.
2. She is waiting for the D to be offiical so she does not make hereself look teriible in the eyes of the kids. (They will get older and eventually figure out what happened.)
3. She is afraid it will change the R between her and the OM. (I am sure they have talked about the intro and have a plan.)
4. She thinks I will freak and is afraid a war will ensue (My plan is to stay calm; let her know that I will support the kids if they need me but that I will not support the R with the OM and to prevent further issues, to keep him away from me!
5. She has doubts or guilt about what she is doing (this is unlikely, if she had doubts she would not be as open about the R with her family as she has been and she is obviosuly not to concerned about what her actions are making her look like as a person).
6. She has no plans as of yet and is just waiting for the right moment..very unlikley.