Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? My new life

Just shows how long of a haul this really could be. Out of those 6-8 months how much of that time did your W spend in the same house and you and how much was spent on her own?

Actually the 6-8 months were with her out of the house. If you add the period she lived in the house that doubles. I take a good deal of responsibility for the length of time as I was dealing with some serious abandonment issues. If I would have let go and got on with my life things may have been a bit different. As long as I was trying to fix her the longer she figured I was the problem.

Saw W today and she was in rare form. By here own admission she was in a "bad mood". I've gotten to the point were there is very little she can do to effect me. Doesn't mean she doesn't annoy me. She's back to being distant.

Think I hurt my W's feelings today. Not intentionally. I decided to enlist the services of a nanny to help when I travel and W is working (she works nights). She says that was a slap in the face. I tried to explain that it had nothing to do with her. Not sure my message was received. Not much I can do about it now.

Still on track for Retro in Feb I guess.

Not a good day. W's Physc. says Retro is not a good idea because it does not have professionals on site and there is a risk she could relapse. W says she will still go to help me get closure. I said so you basically lied to the admissions folks by saying you were willing to work on the M. She said no, blah, blah, blah. My next question was so what does the P think about the D is that not a stress inducer? She says no cause M is over. I asked by his proclamation? She says no based on her.

Next question was about settlement agreement. So sense we are getting a D, agreement needs to be in place. W seems to think the mediator already provided. Not the case. Agreement has to be written up and signed by both parties. I'm temped not to sign. My L emailed me last night asking if she should draft the agreement. I told to her hold off. My thought, and this is what I told W, is I'm not paying for any part of the D. If she wants this she has to pay for it.

Maybe I put to much on Retro. I really thought we could pull this off. Now I'm hurt, angry, betrayed, frustrated and 100 other emotions. If she tells me one more time that when she does something, like watching our kids, she is helping me out I think my head will explode.

I really feel like screaming.

I would take a stand and cancel the retro. Let her know you do not need closure and that you have moved on...just a thought.

D,
I tend to agree with you. In fact that was first thing out of my mouth. Followed closely by you need to do the following to get your divorce finalized. Next will be you need to have a conversation with the Kids.

It still amazing to me how far someone will go to avoid dealing with the real issues in their life.

As for me I will hold my head high knowing that I have done everything possible to keep this family together.

I am trying to do the "head high" thing too. Of course at night, I still curl up in the embryo poistion and rock myself to sleep with a binky.

I have put my foot down over the past couple of days on some issues. It has felt pretty good but all it means is thay my W and I will grow farther apart.

Can you say hellish nightmare...

Interestingly enough I was reading up on MLC and was questioning which phase of the MLC my W was in. My gut is telling me she's probably in between replay and depression. That also tells me Retro would probably be a waste of time. At least that's what I was thinking yesterday. Today I'm just aggravated and wish she would wake the heck up before its too late.

I personally don't believe that any honest effort put forth by both spouses to see each others' point of view is a waste of time.

If you let go of the expectations, you can learn a lot from Retrouvaille even if it doesn't seem to help save your M.