Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Looking for my new normal

Bunny,
How's it goin'?

Not much to report in BunnyLand. Thanks to everyone for checking in.

No surprises with H this week. My atty suggested letting his atty prepare the first draft of the separation agreement. H wants this, he can work for it and make the calls. I made it easy enough for him by being the one to move out.

My IC session was rather uneventful. She asked why I thought H was being so nice. I came up with four possible reasons, and it's probably some of each: a) being generous now to prevent me from being unreasonable when it comes to talking settlement, b)
because he does still care about me, c) he maintains some control over the situation, and d) guilt. I also told her about the camera and what H said about it. I did decide to keep it, he gave it to me, I can use it however I see fit, f*** his idea. If he wants a pic of me with another male, I'm gonna send him one of me holding Chester.

One thing that was kinda fun to think about this weekend was where I want to go after my lease is up. I started thinking about that since H mentioned he wanted to cash me out in regards to the house. That hurt when he mentioned it, I love that house, I worked so hard on it to make the rooms and the gardens pretty. And it'll be gone. It also hurt because I didn't realize this separation was permanent, but whatever... I do get my half of the equity in return for my signature on that deed. I'm thinking a small cottage or condo along Lake Erie sounds nice- I looked online, there are a few in my price range. Not many, but a few, so we'll see when my lease is up.

I'm starting to feel resentment and anger towards H but I'm keeping it in check. He put me through the wringer emotionally and his only consequence is financial, which overall is not a big deal. And as far as I can tell, he didn't do anything to try to fix the situation other than to try to fix me. He was willing to let me do all the work to fix it into something he liked. He was willing to just let me leave. He was willing to let me do the really hard work. He was NOT willing to look at himself, and he still isn't.

OK, let's go back to thinking about that cute little house by the lake...

Bunny

I was wondering why your IC seemed uneventful, when it seemed you had so much to talk about. It's ok, but seemed like you were having a tough time coming up to it, with all the interactions with H, and physical abuse with other people, etc.

You do sound well in your post, so don't want you to focus on that, so keep on focusing on where you are going for you.



Completely understandable! Acceptance of those feelings will help, as they are part of the process. Sounds like you are getting some perspective back on your R, and that is good.

(((((Bunny)))))

I like this idea.

Bunny,
You sound good. I'm glad.
It may be early in the day, but this:gets you the coveted Belly-Laugh of the Day Award
I understand. I've been there re: not knowing/realizing the sep would be permanent. Still kinda there re: house and gardens, but not really, anymore. Just takes time.

The anger and resentment are normal, healthy and about time!. Good for you.

Spy,

Glad to hear you are doing okay. The way you feel about the house is normal, especially when you poured so much of yourself into it. And it is exciting to look forward to a new place to live. When will you go check out the prospective new digs?

Bunny,
Also, re: resentment, here's something I realized about the nature of my own resentments a while back and posted:This is just my take on me but fwiw...

(((((Bunny)))))

Chester is exactly the male you should be hanging out with right now!

Gardener,

I remember that post from your thread, and it struck me then. Great post, and glad you copied here for Bunny..

Bunny,
How are you?