Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Wife wants best of both worlds

I will admit that if she took OM to family holiday things then she at least thinks that there is a chance at them having a long term R. What else do you know about him, I think you said he is divorced, with or w/o kids. What is his attitude towards kids if he does not have kids. If your W is like mine she probably doesn't talk about her kids when around him. I don't think my wife told the #2 OM that she was married/separated or had kids at all. Lets face it, kids complicate R and that will be a test. Could be she knows down inside that it won't work and is just not facing it b/c the R w/ OM provides an escape from reality.

Do you get the kids back today? Are they with you during the week for school purposes?

Wife still has the kids today and I am debating whether or not to go by and say goodnight like I had requested. To be honest I am a big wimp. Everytime I go over there I see something I do not want to see (e.g., christmas cards) and I am not to interested in seeing another set of tire tracks (snow) in her drive way; so I try to stay away.

The W and I developed a rotating kid schedule. One week I have them on MO, TU and then on Sat and Sun; the following week I have them on WE, R and FR. The cool thing is I work from home so I meet them everyday after school at the bus stop and when the W has them, she drops them off at the house in the morning so I can take them to the bus stop so she can to work on time. I get to see the kids much more than the W so that is a good thing. Another important D issue, is when the W bought a new house, she moved out of the current Elem school district. Thus, I will be the residential parent, which I have heard is a big deal.

If I could get past the OM factor I would be in such a better shape. A divorce is hard enough let alone with all of this other crap to deal with. Her family is very conservative so I am suprised they have not given her and earful for what she is doing. I guess they need to support her. Maybe she is very happy around him and they can see that.

You don't know what she is thinking but can't help but wonder, I do to about my W. How can they be so selfish. Yeah, you should probably not go over on the nights you don't have too but there again that would be time with your W and the OM is not there. Don't you think he looks for the same tire tracks, yours? I wonder if you started a conversation about OM with your wife, if she would not start complaining about his faults, might be too early but you know it will happen, who is her best friend, you right. I don't know maybe I'm jumping ahead here, but at some point life is going to kick into their R and that is when the being nice will pay off!!!!

I wish I could say I was still her best friend. The OM is filling that role right now. My only role for her right now is the father of her children, which I guess is better than no role at all.

No matter what happens, being friendly is the right approach. This is going to be a challenge.

Glad you see it that way, if there is an opportunity in the future and there will be, she will look back and realize you could have acted much different.

I am leaving for L office in 10 minutes.

Last week I made the suggestion to my W that we attend family C to give all of us a chance to talk about what is happening. I want to make sure the kids understand.

Over that last couple of days I have been thinking about how fast things are moving, a least from my point of view, down this negative road. Last year at this time we were working on things. Now we are at a point where we did not even spend anytime together during the major holidays. Hell, my W and I did not even exchange Christmas cards. I tried to get her to spend sometime with the kids on Christmas but she was not willing to do that and mess up her plans. I realize bringing up the OM is a big no no but it seems like she is just taking things to far.

I know she is likely thinking this OM will become apart of her "family time" but we are not there yet. She still has a family and yet she seems completely disinterested in it. The OM is more important to her than the impact she is having on the kids and that is wrong in so many ways. I want to talk to her about this but not sure for one, if it will do any good and two, if it will just make the situation worse. Help!!!

Absolutely not a word about it to her. Don't forget, in her mind you are the cause of all of her misery and OM is her 'fix'. Think of her more like a heroin addict, if you criticize the drug, it only makes her want it more and you less.

Thanks...was feeling in the crapper this morning so, thank you for not letting me do anything stupid.

Okay now I am having doubts, I have been busy today and last night so I have not been posting like I have in the past but take a look at my thread in newcomers, you will be shocked, but DB coach convinced me today this is what I need to do.

DW you have seen the pic, that will be there also. DB coach said it is okay to do this in C session. WHAT DO YOU THINK? I will not be back on the boards for a couple of hours. Here is the link to the thread.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1913940&page=2

Sorry for the hi jack, I will post in my other sitch also.

I am doing better when it comes to dealing with my emotions about the OM and the D. It is what it is.

I am still however, having a lot of heartburn when it comes to the kids intro with the OM. My W and him have been seeing each other for 6 months and every indication is they are the real deal. She has already introduced him to her family so I am wondering why she is delaying the intro to the kids. Is she doing it to protect them, which seems contrary to her actions, or is she waiting for the D to be offical in case I have a negative reaction to the into and stop being Mr. Nice Guy.

From what I can gather, these type of intros happen pretty fast but I have little insight as to what my W is thinking, and there is no way I am going to ask her.

A womans perspective would be great but I will take any input at this point.