Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Trying to move on

Great Sunday. Church with the girls. Lunch. Then we spent three hours at the library. I'm not sure where the time went.

D7 is just chattering away reading A Magic Treehouse book. D10 has finished all of her homework. I'm waiting for the hot water heater to fill up so she can take a bath.

W called a couple of times. I figured she wanted to talk to D10 because D10 left her a couple of messages yesterday.

D10 telling me that W has been depressed over her job has been strangely comforting today. W may never love me again, but she's been blaming me for her unhappiness for five years. It'll be interesting watching her realize that I had my flaws but I was trying to make her happy.

W called last night. She talked to the girls for a couple of minutes then asked for me. She was sent a $206 check -- in her name -- for my tooth implant. An old root canal snapped off in November and I had to pay $2,000 and have another $300 left to pay for an implant.

She then gave me advice on getting the claim and submitting it as a basketball injury and maybe I'd get reimbursed some more. She had a freudian slip at one point saying, "this might help us."

At the end I said thanks.

I swung by the house -- after I thought she would have left -- to get the check. She was there still -- late to work?? -- and handed me the stuff. I was so shocked she was home I didn't give her the big smile. I just took the check and left.

Also, last night, the girls and I had another long talk on what's going on. The "fun" of having two houses is wearing off for D7. She said several times this weekend she wants me to move home. They did not know W asked me to leave last year. So I told them the abbreviated timeline and that yes, W asked me to move out.

I told them now I wish I hadn't, but we'd make the best of it.

My W and I have agreed to family C to flush everything out and make sure the kids are in a good place or at least understand why this is happening. Maybe this is something you could recommend to your W.

Clinging - Sorry to hear about everything going on with you. I am glad you have stopped snooping. It is very hard to do, but once you get used to it, it is very liberating. I want to say I agree with mishka on the idea that you need some time by yourself out of a relationship. Take some time to learn about you after everything happens. Learn to be ok just you because then when you do get in a new relationship it will be fulfilling instead of a necessity.

Well, Awest, I guess life decides these things. I'm at eight months out of a relationship anyway. I understand her point, but I'm still not closing the door on anything.

For the rest of this month I'm going to be so busy with my second job and the girls there won't be much to think about other than pay off debt, pay off debt, etc.

Yes. The big key was switching the after-school routine. Now there's no reason really for me to be at the house for any amount of time.

Nice to hear from you Awest. I was wondering if we'd lost you -- in a good way.

DWinter. I'm waiting to make ANY suggestions to W. Now that I know it's in my best financial interest to stay in limboland I'm content here.

I'm going to let W do ALL of the work and not push anything. I feel much better about things. Too bad it cost $175 to figure it out.

Make sure before you meeting with W this weekend that you write down what you would like to see happen so you have it in writing and can just write changes down while you are there, but also you won't be tempted to change your mind to help out W. Also once you agree on a $ amount and the time with the girls, you should type it all out and have both you and W sign it and have copies for both of you. Tell W this is to protect both of you so that if you start giving less money, she has proof of the agreement and the same with you.

Good idea. Also if you go out to about(dot)com search for parenting plan worksheet. That should cover all the things you need to consider when it comes to visitation. I also went out a found some sample parenting plans to use as a starting point.

You seem to have accepted that this is happening so now you must education yourself as much as possible.

All good ideas. We'll see if we meet Saturday or not. W seems determined yet she never actually does anything. This has been the pattern our entire R. She'll say we need to do something and -- other than insurance, which she takes care of -- she'll just push it off, push it off, push it off until she asks me to do it.

I'm not in any particular hurry anymore and I'm going to let her/make her do the work. This is her D train. She should drive it.

Side note. After-school sitter called. D7 is acting up again. It's getting worse and worse. D7 is winning the battle of wills.

I just chickened out. W finally responded to three emails I sent over the past week. One was an offer to meet on Jan. 16 to talk about a divorce settlement.

She said she'd have to see if she can get a baby sitter and I responded that I have to work on the 16th.

I thought I did, but actually I found out the game I was going to work the 16th got moved to Feb. 8.

I don't know why, but I'm not ready. Maybe I'll never be ready. But I'm ducking the 16th and I may just duck the month.

I'm upset with myself for chickening out on meeting the 16th to discuss a divorce settlement. Part of me wants to get it over with, get a good deal and move on. The other part wants to make W do all the work since this is her D train, but that may be a bad move financially for me.

The fact I freaked out when it looked as if she was going to take me up on my offer shows again I'm just not ready to divorce.

One thing I need to do and I'll have time tonight is create a calendar of my time with the girls. When the D does go down the key for me is joint physical custody and I need to show that I'm already taking care of them 50 percent of the time.