I have received a text from H concerning the text D19 sent him.
In it he says he has been thinking about our relationship and the relationship he has with the children. He finds it difficult to come home as he gets palpatations and feels stressed but wants more contact with the children.
He wants to come every other weekend to take them swimming and fetch them from school during the week, stay and give them quality time and cook tea (he always enjoyed cooking prior to the alien taking him).
He has asked if he can come tomorrow to discuss this with us all and see if it fits in with our plans.
How do I handle this? Is this another cycle towards home particularly as he finds it stressful coming here.
I haven't text him back yet agreeing to his visit tomorrow.
Do not text him back. Certainly not right away. Go back and read snodderly from yesterday, what did she tell you. Leave it up to your children. What changed so much in the last 24 hours. Did he get rid of his OW. NO!
Also just rereading again you need to respect your D19 's wishes. She apparently wants NC.
I wonder if anyone can answer this question for me.
My D is having driving lessons. My H spoke to the instructor to arrange more lessons etc as he is funding them. The instructor asked D what H did for a living as H told her that he works away from home a lot so is rarely there at the moment.
My D was surprised and told the instructor that H no longer lives with us as he lives with OW.
If H is so sure this is the right thing to do to find happiness why did he not tell the driving instructor that he no longer lives at home?
Just as I am getting my act into gear going dim up pops H again.
He came to speak to the children about increasing visits to them.
He is coming once a week to cook supper for them and made a point of teling me he was going to cook for me as well! Then he would wash up and tidy up before leaving.
Why does this man always take the wind out of my sails just when I have managed to go dim and detach?
Just as I am getting my act into gear going dim up pops H again.
He came to speak to the children about increasing visits to them.
He is coming once a week to cook supper for them and made a point of teling me he was going to cook for me as well! Then he would wash up and tidy up before leaving.
Why does this man always take the wind out of my sails just when I have managed to go dim and detach?
Ah yes, the distance dance.
You step back for a bit and here he comes stepping forward.
What do you think will happen next if you step forward as well?
So this is part of the waltz. Wasn't sure what was going on.
Each time I try to make a stand H starts touching base more with both me and the children. I can see why now. I thought it was me going mad.........
I like to think I have control over my sails but sometimes the wind turns and they get wrapped around each other and then I have to untangle them to keep sailing forward.
You get used to the dance. That is why detaching is so important - to not get caught up in it and to make sure your actions are not for some kind of reaction from him. Live your life to the fullest for you and your kids and try not to focus on the dance. Easier said than done, but the longer you do it the easier it gets.
It is difficult as his touching base is increasing but OW is still to a more or lesser degree in the background.
The kids really miss him so that's why I allow him to visit though from my point of view I need to become better at detaching although when H is here I don't encroach on his space and tend to be in different parts of the house. If he wants to talk he has to come to me.
I am dim and only answer texts or emails when it concerns the children. I never contact him at all.
I think it is very hard to get a happy medium for the children and to protect myself.I suppose thats why its called a rollercoaster with all the twists and turns!
H was never very good at dancing and always stood on my toes!
I am getting better at detaching though it is hard. When H comes up with something new it does knock my confidence for a while until I can dust myself down again and move forward. But it is getting easier to handle!
