I just need my own space sometimes, time to do my own stuff. Then when I do finally go see him, even if it's just to go to sleep, I'm in a much better mood and am happy to snuggle up. Whereas when I don't get my space, I just get irritable and snap at him. Lol. I've definitely come to appreciate having my own space more since S from XH.
Does he act differently when you haven't seen him in a while? Is he more happy to see you? Do you think that makes you happier to see him?
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Isn't if funny how that happens? I agree w/ Michelle, I love my space. Even on the weekend when D13 is at her F's, it is so nice just to have that time to myself. and it does make it easier for me to deal with the Stupid German...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Wow.. you're not sure you miss him?? Maybe you are just used to being alone? You have been apart 2 years. We can get used to anything if it goes on for long enough.. I miss bf, definetly, when I dont see him. Yes, its nice to get space, but not for more than a day. But them I am used to seeing him every night normally.
Our ship DID come in, so how come we are still furiously pumping the bilge !!??
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
You once told me you solve your problems by completing the circle.
It seems like you've been in a loop since the 'fake' reconciliation, repeating the same patterns, frustrations, hopes. It's hard to watch, undoubtedly harder to live.
Your son saying that the divorce is all your fault.. hello.. why would he say that.. why would you accept that? It's like you're slow roasting yourself over the fire and turning the spit.
It was nice that your BFF had a heart to heart with your spouse and gave you the scoop. It sets a very bad precedent unless she's an unbiased therapist with the two of you in a room. What did you once say about a couple.. that they love each other like dog and cat? He may or may not have said to you what he said to her. But she heard it without the pain, she was able to listen.
Reconciling doesn't work if it's more of the same coated with kerosene. If you want answers go together as a couple, seek a therapist who will not be swayed by charm on either of your part. You don't want a counselor taking sides. To start to heal as individuals you need to be able to communicate without poison daggers.
Stop fighting and start growing.. both of you. Cuz that's what marriage is... a partnership.
Good Morning!! H came to the school yesterday for the progress reports of my kids. Stayed with us at home because the journalists were striking (I didnt know). I had the day off. So we ended up being at home the whole day, having lunch, doing homework with the kids, and then he asked if I wanted to go Christmas shopping with him. I agreed and we bought at least 10 gifts and we are almost finished He wouldnt let me pay for anything.
When the kids went to bed he asked me if I wanted him to stay or leave. I told him to leave.
He came close to me sat down and asked me what happened that was so bad that I was so upset and been saying crazy things (Divorce).
We ended up talking for a couple of hours. We agreed to go to counceling. He agree to go to another when I said my C that he likes isnt experienced with couples.
He didnt tell me anything of the things he told my friend. Sometimes it feels like he refuses to "crack". I dont know if it is guilt, I think it is more accepting he f@cked up ROYALLY and swallow his pride by starting to mend things.
He said a few things about the way I handle discussion that were correct. He said when I asked, that one of the things he did wrong before the A was that he was keeping "distant". That alone, fits so many things I have read, but most importantly, listening to him explain how he kept his distance from me, my life, my interests and also doing that with everyone else in his life, isolating himself, seemed quite important to me.
He told me he sees me constantly thinking about our issues and that he thinks that doenst help. He told me he agrees we need counceling to deal with what is going on and what happened but that he believes I should try to control how much I am allowing the "bad" things absorve me.(I was busted for poor detachement in case you didnt notice guys).
At a point I told him I am running on fumes. That I realise I flip flop depending on his actions/inactions because I am so damn tired to find patience and strength about this from "within". That the reason I am not being decissive with moving on is some minors indications that we may have A chance. He said if I gave up now, he would think it is a pitty. Sad, heartbreaking.
When I started getting ready to go to bed, he did too. He never left. In the morning all 4 of us were sleeping in the same bed and I had a foot (my D's) on my chest.
He got up and kissed me goodbye. I need to let things calm down, take the pressure off (me and him), feel confident about ME, get sexy and plan and enjoy the holidays. I hope we find a good C because we need it desperately. K
I'm so happy for you! The love hasnt died. Wow, so he said what shall I do now and you told him to go... but he didnt and good job he didnt and had the balls to stay and talk to you! Sounds like it was a bit of a breakthrough conversation and that it helped get some understanding of each others perpsective?
How lovely you all woke up together in that big bed (and it is an enormous bed!!).
I'm so glad he wants to go to counselling too. Thats great news K. So these WAS are often pretty astute hey and say what some DBers say, without realising it! That he thinks you should both try and set aside overthinking the bad stuff so that it doesnt overwhelm you and leave no time to build new memories?
I think it would be a pity if you gave up now too.. seems to me you may be mining for diamonds here, as in getting to a real loving, committed relationship that can survive anything. Still rooting for you both!! xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Like I told Ali in piecing, I have to hand it to you for sticking it out. You obviously love this man if you are still willing to work at it. Hopefully you will work together...... It was obvious you guys needed counselling and like I told you privatelly, I think you need to see someone on your own to help you through this. Now just relax a little and enjoy some time together....in one week it will be Christamas...it would be great if you guys all wake up together in that big bed and open presents together. that is something some of our kids will never have again...a Christmas with both parents. I tip my hat off to you for checking your ego at the door and allowing your husband and yourself the opportunity for a committed relationship.
Un abbracio affetuoso .... who knows that sesxy underwear may come in handy after all.
He wouldnt let me pay for anything.