Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? My new life

CTH,
As far as the D we have to have a settlement agreement in place before anyone can sign. This can come from a case or through mediation or the two parties could draw up their own. We are suppose to go to court this week but neither party is ready so we will postpone the date again.

We took the mediation route so we have everything lined out it just needs to be written up by a Lawyer and submitted. For some reason our mediator has not provided a recap of our mediation process so we are all stuck.

In the mean time its a race between Retro and the big D. I wonder which one will win.

Interesting comment from W today. After I joked about the delay in our D she say's "you probably don't want to be M to me anymore anyway after all that I've done".

Probably shouldn't even think twice about these types of comments.

I disagree there. That sounded like fishing to me. A lot of people do know that what they did was wrong, and they know that for some people, it's unforgivable. She may have been asking if it is unforgivable to you. I've seen a few WAS's really beat themselves up after the fact. In some cases, it has prevented reconciliations when the LBS wanted to reconcile.

Thanks Lotus I can't tell anymore what is going on in her mind.

Got a note from my L. We moved our court date again. Now we have to have our agreement in place by the day after retro or the case is dismissed. That's ironic.

Can you get it pushed back another month or so? You don't want to be all distracted at Retrouvaille by the divorce settlement.

Got an email into L to see what she can do about the dates. Just realized I can kill this D just by being non-compliant at this point. Not sure I want to do that.

Talked to the couple hosting the Retro weekend last night. Got all the details. They also interviewed W and I to make sure we are interested in working through the program. Guess she must have said yes. Cautiously optimistic.

I know you already know this but make sure you don't have any expecations about Retro. Of course it is a good sign that you guys are going but don't over think it.

I can tell by your post that you aren't over thinking it (e.g. cautiously optimistic) but sometimes it is hard not to feel some sort of expectation.

I am new at the moving into separation so you can take or leave what I said. However, I have been following this thread and thought this was a good time to chime in.

Thanks Kemper. I need to hear that everyday; check expectations.

Honestly, I don't know if it is a good sign or not. The more I think about it the more it seems like a waste of time and money. Then on the other hand its interesting to see my W be receptive to the program. Not sure if you have been or looked into it but, they actually interview the applicants to make sure they are both on board. The big question is "are you willing to work on your marriage in this program." If she didn't answer yes we would not be going. Yah I know, expectations, expectations.

You have an opportunity to do something with your W that many on this board do not. Do not worry about why she is going, just know she is going. Everything but what you can control (e.g. YOU) is out of your control.

Enjoy your time there but remove the expectations, questions (why this, why that), and just learn from the experience.

Time and money are just things. It is true that you can't get time back but you do NOT want to look back later in life and question:

- Should we have gone
- Would things be different if we did go
- Why couldn't I sacrafice 2 days and X dollars for my R/M
- What would my kids think if they knew I had this opportunity and didn't take it

The list can go on and on as you well know. Go to Retro without expectations and with an open mind.