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Do it in person it's more effective.

I told her that I will work on improving my listening, which is actually one of my first 180s from 9 months ago. I also told her that she cannot describe it as "NEVER" in the future. It went well.

A critical piece of intel surfaced yesterday. She was googling the OM from an out of state PA of over a year ago. Many open issues now come together including 2 additional out of state hook ups with OM including the last one with our son in tow. I inquired at that time and she obviously said there was nothing to be concerned about. She's was greiving the end of this PA 6 months ago. No evidence of contact and again we have had no detailed discussions about any of the EAs or PAs yet. I think I will let this lie for now and let it come out in future MC if needed.

She has continued IC to examine her emotional disconnection with men. Don't know if this is intended to improve our MR or her future Rs with OM. Should I inquire?

She wants to have a New Year Eves party at our house with about 100 people including her own friends that I'm kept away from. Not sure if this to celebrate "an end" or a "new beginning". Should I inquire?

I told he I didn't appreciate her separated sister going on a date this weekend with a friend of mine. I told her I wasn't going to get involved but reminded her that her sister was still married. She said their divorce is inevitable and that I was old fashioned, too conservative and didn't understand how "today's" relationships work. She may be right or she might be wrong.

So, after I gave her a back rub we ML exchanged ILYs and had a pleasant night's sleep.

Another opportunity to attract her. Do some things that 180 that. Stay true to yourself but let your wild side show around her.

Maybe ask her best friend if she wants to hook up???

might as well try for a threesome

Who said there was never a win-win to be had in DBing?

Ironically during MC she recalls how for years she tried to engage me back into the marriage and now for the last year the roles are reversed and it's me trying to bring her back in.

Before I knew better, a huge 2x4 for her was reading MWD's WAW article that fit her like a T at the time.

She wants to feel those IL sensations again in order to be more emotional engaged. I brought up the LL stat that those feelings only last 2 years except when the relationship is a secret and they may last 3. I've ordered The Art of Seduction as a 180 to expose my wild side. Maybe it can help to re-ignite those fires of desire.

She says she does not want to hurt me and now fears that open discussions of her feelings may scare me away and cause me to leave the marriage. I said that my theshold of emotional pain is much higher than hers, that I wanted honesty and I could handle the truth.

She lost her loving & emotional connection to me after years of suffering the pain of my rejecting her. It still has not come back and she physically withdraws and her entire body tightens up when I touch her or make physical advances.

She sees how I've changed in the last year but still does not believe it is real and permanent. She thinks it's a ploy to just get her back because she thinks it all out of my fear of losing her.

Her hestitation to be open about her feelings is due to her fear that I will get angry and retaliate and use our son to get back at her. She knows how aggresive I can be in my business dealings and it scares her. She's affraid of me.

She wants to start a new relationship with me but needs the space without seeing me day & night. I said I would not leave the house & did not want her to but it was her decission and time to start being responsible for her decissions.

She has taken little action to improve herself or our MR. I said that my patience from the last year is growing thin and it's time for her to put on the BGP and get on board so we can solve this together.

She wanted to know how she can get inboard. My suggestions and she agreed to all: Continue MC, Retroville, read books and articles.

She needs MWD's article on Forgiveness since she said she will never forgive me for my years of rejecting her.

I also thought the 5LL would be a good start.

Please reply with other comments, observations and suggestions.

Much thanks and the warmest NY greeting to all,
NOMAD

Last night we reflected on the past year. One year ago, while in her fog, she had her exit strategy all " figured out". She thought I had totally given up and I would instantly agree to part. I totally messed up her plan and she has been clueless as to what to do ever since.

I told that I have made major changes in the last year and I wanted her to do the same. She needs to know it will be hard work and take time, probably another year and a half at least since we have been together so long.

I hope we communicated successfully, only time will tell.

She read Forgiv is a GYGY. She's not angry but won't forgive me for anything from the past. Even brought up some from preMR things that I'd forgotten.

She wants to know what I want her to do. I said get onboard with our reconciliation. She asked what besides reading, mc & retro? And read this as having to give up everything else, GFs, workouts, running, racing, etc.

I said I hoped she was not just appeasing and that she was sincere. We agreed to discuss in her Ic & MC.

I ended with offering my support & guidance.