Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Trying to move on

It's a new year and I don't really feel like a newcomer any more. Today was a good day. I spent the morning and afternoon playing cards and then the rest of the day watching football with a friend.

Of course, once it was me and him, I started going back and forth on my situation.

Haven't heard from W since Wednesday night. One bad thing about going as dark as possible is that I have to call her to talk to the girls. I may call her tomorrow because I want to talk to the girls.

I'm not sure how long I'll stay here though. I think I might be in Surviving the Big D by the end of 2010.

It's going to be a long Saturday. I don't have any basketball games to score so the day is all mine.

I prepared for my Fantasy Golf Draft already. Need to do some pushups -- I'm up to 30 at a time. Clean apartment, wash dishes.

Fantasy Golf Draft is at 3 p.m. If we get done in time I could head to church for late service.

As of now, I have no night time plans. I'm not freaking out as much as I would have in the past. I might make some late calls to see if anyone is going out.

Or, for the first time in a few months, I might just save some money and stay in. It's only 5 degrees here.

Quick question to group. I haven't talked to W since Wednesday. Haven't seen daughters since Thursday morning and haven't talked to either since 3 p.m. Thursday. This is major withdrawal for me.

Should I call to check in with them? It means talking to W if every so briefly.

In my opinion, you should call. Do not let your wife stand in the way of your relationship with your daughters.

The girls need to know you love them and that having to speak briefly to someone isn't going to impact that. Shoot, even if you had to speak longer than briefly-- aren't they worth it?

If an adult said to me "Well, I *wanted* to call you, but that would mean I needed to speak to SuzyQ for a minute, so I didn't" I would think they were totally lame.

Thanks Trixi. I will later today. I really wish W would pay for minutes for D10's cell phone.

Sitting through my golf fantasy draft. Yes. Golf fantasy draft. Meeting friends at 8 p.m. Not sure how long I'll stay out. Can go on a long trip tomorrow -- but it could cost me $50 or so. Thinking about it.

AAAAArrrrrgggghhhhhhhh. Why do I do this. Called W finally to talk to girls. D10 is on the phone. I asked if she had fun on NYE. She said she and D7 stayed at their grandma's house because W went to a party. She must have stayed the night.

It makes me wonder again why I'm waiting?

My L is calling me tomorrow about something that came up last week. Right now I feel like just filing and getting it going because I can't take revelations like this.

I forget. What sort of boundaries do you two have?

And, do you know she stayed out all night?

One thing I have in my parenting plan is an agreement that if one of the parents will be away from the kids for a period greater than 4 hours they must notify the other parent who has first right of refusal to assume custody for that period.

I know that doesn't help your current situation but it is food for thought.

I do not know for a fact she stayed out all night. Right now, I just don't care. I made my share of mistakes in this M, but I do not deserve to be treated this way. The fact her mom and sister are enabling this makes me doubly mad.

A lot of life is timing. My lease is up at the end of the month. I need to end the uncertainty in my life, cut the cord and move on. It's been nearly 8 months.

On Monday, when my L calls me, I will ask him if he'll take $1,500 now and get things prepared. I have five things I'll be pushing for. Then when things are ready, I'll notify W she is getting served. I don't even feel like discussing it -- no you don't want to work on things so I thought I'd get things going.

Just a quick call, hey, you'll be getting papers tomorrow at work.

I went out tonight with friends from work and laid the whole situation out. They didn't discourage me. I know Dottie the DB counselor will be disappointed, but if there was any indication that W was rethinking things I wouldn't go this route.

She does not respect me. She thinks I'll just sit here forever and take it. I will not. My daughters love me. They will always love me. I will always be there for them. Funny, I will always be there for W, even as an X. But I will not stand for this disrespect.

Good night DB friends.

Clinging,

Yes, I think that is a good plan. If she does not want a divorce she will have to show it soon. You are making a stand and dropping the rope, as they say around here. If she does change her mind, then you will have the opportunity to say that you will stop the divorce if she goes to Retrouvaille with you. I know that you have been saying that you wish she would do that. So you will see. If you are giving her what she wants with a divorce, then the divorce will happen and you will go on to have a happy life with someone else. If she decides she doesn't want a divorce, then you can insist on Retrouvaille and change in the marriage. Either way your life will improve.