You went to the attorney? Wonderful ..... That is their job. Paint a bleak picture and they break up your marriage then collect the check. I'm so sorry Man. I'm going to wait until it becomes absolutely necessary. I want to keep those dirt bags out of my life as long as possible.
Me:49 W: 41 Kids=D14/D14/S10 Married: 15 Together: 16 Bomb: 08/26/09 Currently: separated but in the different houses.
Doc, I know where you are coming from but they are not all bad. Realy. Anyway, here is what I accomplished: 1) At a minimum I conflicted the best divorce atty in town from the case should she seek to file(Doc if you are in a small community you should consider the same); 2) I know where I stand; 3) Also, if she does file, I wont have to scramble around to find someone.
My wife is still pushing to sell the house. She promises that once we sell and seperate she will be in a position to work on our relationship. I think this is BS. I think she just wants to sell the house and is trying to manipulate and placate me with the rest. I mean, why would she need to wait till then to work on our issues. Over and over again, I hear, "I just want to simplify. I want to seperate."
Anyway, I told her I would not make a decision till January. I am pondering signing the listing agreement today to disrupt things abit. The risk is of course that she will think I caved into her presure. I also view this as dropping the rope. The house is our most substantial joint asset. She has said several times, you don't want me, you want this house, etc. Any creative solutions.
She has said several times, you don't want me, you want this house, etc. Any creative solutions.
How does she know this? Did you tell her this or is she mind reading?
Never let someone tell you what you think, feel or believe. Next time she does it tell her, "I don't recall ever telling you I don't want you and that I want this house. Those are your thoughts if you want to know what I am thinking then ask."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Coach--I have never said or even thought anything like that. The last time, hell, everytime she has ever said anything about my motiviations I have said something along the lines suggested. It is in my nature that when something is said that is not true, I speak up. She is trying to convince herself that I don't want her, That I want material things. She has a history of ascribing these negative motivations to me in justification to end our marriage. Usually, I have found, when she accuses me of something its based in her insecurity not my reality.
Usually, I have found, when she accuses me of something its based in her insecurity not my reality.
That's correct. She projects her feelings onto you when she doesn't have the information she needs. When she doesn't get back what she needs your response validates her insecurities. In any healthy relationship you need to communicate what the other side needs to understand. So you don't let her (anybody) fill in the blanks for you.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
You went to the attorney? Wonderful ..... That is their job. Paint a bleak picture and they break up your marriage then collect the check. I'm so sorry Man. I'm going to wait until it becomes absolutely necessary. I want to keep those dirt bags out of my life as long as possible.
Come on man. We aren't all bad. In fact, most of us are ethical, honorable people. It's just that the bottom feeders get all the press.
I'm a trial attorney (don't worry Doc, I don't sue doctors, but have defended them in the past), but not a D L. So, at the appropriate time, you bet your a$$ I'm talking to one to make sure I'm covered.
My wife is still pushing to sell the house. She promises that once we sell and seperate she will be in a position to work on our relationship. I think this is BS. I think she just wants to sell the house and is trying to manipulate and placate me with the rest. I mean, why would she need to wait till then to work on our issues. Over and over again, I hear, "I just want to simplify. I want to seperate."
Anyway, I told her I would not make a decision till January. I am pondering signing the listing agreement today to disrupt things abit. The risk is of course that she will think I caved into her presure. I also view this as dropping the rope. The house is our most substantial joint asset. She has said several times, you don't want me, you want this house, etc. Any creative solutions.
Do you want to sell your home? If not, then don't. If it's a bad idea/bad market/bad financial move...then don't do it.
Really, she wants to simplify? Simple is she rents an efficiency and takes some time apart from you to think things over. Simple is not sell the house, both of us move, divide the stuff and then possibly put it together again later.
Don't fall for this. Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
[quote] Never let someone tell you what you think, feel or believe. Next time she does it tell her, "I don't recall ever telling you I don't want you and that I want this house. Those are your thoughts if you want to know what I am thinking then ask."
I love this!! My wife is always trying to mind-read and project my thoughts. She says "this is what you are thinking subconsciously"...... She needs to work for the unsolved mysteries department for the Police.
Originally Posted By: givingitmyall
[quote=Tridoc]
Come on man. We aren't all bad. In fact, most of us are ethical, honorable people. It's just that the bottom feeders get all the press.
I'm a trial attorney (don't worry Doc, I don't sue doctors, but have defended them in the past), but not a D L. So, at the appropriate time, you bet your a$$ I'm talking to one to make sure I'm covered.
Sorry GIMA, I haven't been sued but I can't say I like the profession that much. Granted, there are those who are noble;-)
Originally Posted By: Greek
[quote=Wonderful!] Do you want to sell your home? If not, then don't. If it's a bad idea/bad market/bad financial move...then don't do it.
Really, she wants to simplify? Simple is she rents an efficiency and takes some time apart from you to think things over. Simple is not sell the house, both of us move, divide the stuff and then possibly put it together again later.
Don't fall for this. Greek
Great answer! You shouldn't make the decision to sell the house in a bad market. You should keep the house and she can move out if she feels that strongly about it. Stick to what is best for you, don't try to appease her. She just wants to get rid of the house so she can sock it too you with divorce papers once you sign off on the sale. Don't fall for it! If she wanted to work on the relationship, she would be doing it now.
Hang in there bud.
Me:49 W: 41 Kids=D14/D14/S10 Married: 15 Together: 16 Bomb: 08/26/09 Currently: separated but in the different houses.
