Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy You'll never see me fall from grace

It came from me because he refused to go to any of their C appointments, even though he was invited on many occasions. He won't ask D8, because then he might actually have to hear the answer. His family is very practiced at the art of If We Pretend It Doesn't Exist, Then It Doesn't Exist. Many of their issues are as bad as they are because they refuse to acknowledge or validate the situation. Its very much a Scarlett O'Hara mentality...Oh fiddle-dee-dee, I won't think about that today, Ah'l think about that tomorroah. They are very in tune with their own feelings, but have a hard time allowing anyone else theirs, especially if that means they have wronged or hurt that person.

As for making up for what hes missed, I agree completely, but own up to it and move forward. Its the denial and venom attached to it that bothers me.



But a second chance shouldn't be done at the expense of his oldest daughter though, right?

so maybe D8 just needs to blurt it out to him??




that's right..but he's a DAM...once you have been delivered out of DAMNESS (like me )then you get it..but since he's still a DAM then he don't...he probably thinks that by his actions now with the new little one, he's showing the world what a good daddy he is, when in reality he's not with at least one of them....he may also have the mentality that the older the child gets the less they need him??

I'm just speculating..

I think you're right, she probably does but if his pattern holds true, then she will just be told she is wrong and will be left feeling even worse than before.

Truthfully, I don't know WHAT he thinks. I just know this is one of the things I find myself unable to handle and if there was ever a time that we were to move forward as a family, would have to change. Its a dealbreaker for me, but I can't change it either.

It just hurts my heart for her and in turn makes me hate and resent him for doing it to her. Which is not helpful. No matter what the outcome of our screwed up M situation is, this issue will need to be addressed because as his D0mos grows, so will the problem.

Corey, I love this! Schedule something when you know he won't be with the baby or when he should be available, and then say he needs to take her b/c you need to X or Y. Worth a shot anyway. Maybe your D8 could thank him afterword or tell him how she likes to spend time with him or enjoyed herself whatever. Cause I'm thinking maybe positive reinforcement would do better for him than the negative--which doesn't seem to work at all?

That is a great idea!

Also, maybe have the C call him and tell him.

Obviously you telling him isn't working. What he's heard only makes him mad/defensive, probably because he knows in his gut there is some truth to it. So, telling him again is only going to make things worse, not better.

Maybe you should focus on the thing they do together and comment on how much D8 enjoys it? Really play it up, make a big very positive deal about it?

Thanks to all for your insight and help. Once we were both able to step back from it, he actually said that he needed to schedule something for them to do together or find something they both could enjoy together. So my message got through, I just always forget that H processes things slower than I do and its best not to overload him with too much.

We have been getting along better than ever & he actually told me that he feels that we are closer now than we have ever been since this all started. Though its nice to hear and I feel mostly the same, I am still very cautious (his word). I have told him that I've been burnt one too many times and I just can't throw it all in the mix again only to have my heart ripped out, so we are reconnecting slowly. I have finally started to see the man I fell in love with. I guess being so close I didn't realize how long things had actually been bad...scary.

He has been working overtime every other week and was unable to take D9mos last week and it started a HUGE fight between H and the Troll. He finally turned his phone off, but in 1 day he had 67 missed calls from her, his vm is filled up and she sent 30 or so text messages. This is not counting the times they actually spoke. She was angry about him not taking the baby, but presented it as he wasn't treating her like he does the older 2. I was really glad that for once she did not contact me and drag me into the middle of it. No vm or anything. I see that as progress, but it got really HATEFUL. He has said that after he gets his B done then he will be getting an atty to set up something more permanent about visitation and such.

Things are looking up, but I know there is a long way to go still.

I got released to go back to work Monday. I'm glad and sad. I need something to do other than look for things to be wrong, but I'll miss hanging out with my kids after school and doing homework and stuff. Oh well.

Hey Kat...theres only 52 days until Halloween! YAY!!!!

Sugar,

It so nice to hear that things are going well. I guess we need to remember these good days when the bad ones come, as they also do (that's life right). Kepp up the good work and thanks for the advice. I guess your sitch is what I can expect if ever H and I get it together and start a family. BTW, what are your thoughts on nc between your H and ow. It seems unreasonable to me when there is a child involved. How to go forward from here?

Also, isn't it wonderful how these women put themselves into our lives, with our H's help of course, and then complain that they's not being treated equally. Gotta love it.

Oh come on, it is your favorite holiday too!! So glad things are working out and that H is becoming himself again. I remember I used to have to plant the seed with ex. I would suggest something and then a couple of months later he brought it up as if it was his idea!

Hey, also very good that he is going to try and set something up legal between himself and the troll. Ding dong the witch is dead, the wicked witch, the wicked witch. Ding dong the wicked witch is dead!(or soon to be we hope)

kat

Glad to hear things are improving!

It's all about the small steps.

And I TOTALLY get why you are being "cautious". I would be too!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! I hope all of you are having a good day no matter what.

Things are getting better everyday for us, but its going to take time. As things improve, new things crop up and its hard not to fall back into old patterns in response to them.

The situation between H and OW has deteriorated into ugly chaos (Wow, who'd a seen that one comin'?) I stay the hell out of it as it hasn't got anything to do with me. They had a horrible fight the other day and it just gets ugly from the gate and then goes downhill from there. Oh well...he finally told her that no matter what happens, his future plans do NOT include her. He would rather be on the street, than with her and to MOVE ON. Harsh, but probably neccessary.

We are working on it, little by little. I'm guarded, but since I'm ok, no matter what happens, its good. I've just come to that place in this whole mess that if it works out and we can get past this, thats good, but if we can't...thats ok too.

I just wanted to post a quick update and let you all know I think about you and I am so very grateful to all of my friends on here that supported me and guided me throughout this whole experience.

Love you guys. Thanks,
C