Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Any tips to deal with Jealousy on my part

Hi G450

Hope you dont mind me popping in, read a bit of your thread and I was the same been married 23 yrs when I got the ILYBINILWY speech!

Yep I reckon FB has a lot to answer for, as far as A's go my H hasnt but he has got friendships on FB that he was keeping from me and although we are now piecing six months on and he doesnt close FB down when I go near him, Im still not invited onto his..

It is very hard the first few months they leave but he went with the intention of temporary separation which turned into permanant without even discussing it with me. I can encourage you to GAL and do lots to get your own self back, regardless of what happens with your OH it will make things easier for you! Im still jealous of the time we spent apart some of the things he did but Im just having to let it go..

YOu are not snooping. You are in your own house. You are still married. There is nothing to hide right.

I think you have your answer already. I would put a keylogger on the computer. You will verify your answer very quickly.

If your going to get angry and physical. Then you need to leave. Until you calm down. Then you need to make sure that you are never alone with her until you can handle your emotions.

Well a keylogger would be nice as that would probably verify or dispell my fears. But she uses the new laptop I bought her while on vacation and it doesnt even have any disk drives etc on it.

She had me show her how to password protect everything as soon as our vacation together was over.

Ironically I was under the impression that our vacation together drew us closer. We even made love then. Little did I know that it was the last time she would ever make love to me.

If she knew she was going to leave me she should have saved me the time off and expense of our vacation. I asked her about the LM and she said she faked it to give me what she thought I wanted. That was painful.

I discovered that she also got a PO Box behind my back. She mentioned wanting one 6 months ago but I talked her out of it because there was no need for it. We have locked and sealed community mail box so what did we need a PO box for? Have no idea how long she has had it.

Makes me wonder just exacly how much of our marriage was a simply living a lie. I cant get over that. Told me she hasnt loved me for about ten years (10 Years!!). How do you do that to somebody who loves you and not say a word to them?

have your read any of the books IE DB.... Because that is a very common WAS phrase. and you will hear more.. sad thing is she belives it.. the good thing is its mostlikely not true. she may come around she may not but if you follow the book and do good DB not only will it help the chances she will but if she doesn't it wont matter to you as much

I ordered DB off ebay. Still waiting for it.

What is difference between DB and DR book? Same book?

Im also reading Men are from Mars to help me understand the wife husband dynamics better for any future with her or somebody else. Like many here I now see what me and her did wrong. Didn't really work on marriage because I was to comfortable and content. She apparently wasnt but never expresed that fact.

Or like I said, she is in MLC and is simply nuts. Only way I can describe her behavior now. Nobody knows for sure but her though. That is the problem.

Hi G450

Yep WAS/MLC's its all a bit wrapped up together at our age, but I started referring to H as ET or Teddy Boy to my DB friends, he either sounded like an alien or threw his toys outta the pram!

Honestly when you first start DB'ing it sounds mental, but it does work, my H is home and several other H/W's are back despite affairs, mine didnt have one but he is having a very dubious friendship with someone.

Its hard to accept that anything that comes outta your spouses mouth is no longer loving kind and generous, but once you can get to grips with the fact you have NO CONTROL over her what so ever the better it is for you.. Whilst your waiting for your book to arrive go read lots of posts, Rocked Worlds is a good one and look for DIA's thread too, your also welcome to read mine if you fancy a giggle, because believe me along the way you will find some things to laugh at.. Stick at it kid you will be fine, you seem to have the right attitude! (())

Get yourself into individual counseling ASAP!

From your words it sounds you really cannot face her right now. Do not try to talk to her now.

OMG now I know she is having at least a long distance EA. Overheard her on her cellphone. Was talking to one of her male high school friends from 27 years ago.

I think Im going to be sick now.

She told him crap like "I can talk to you" and "with you it all flows out".

IS THAT IT? Like she couldn't talk TO ME and let it all flow out?!?!? WTF!?!

Now what? Should I just pretend I didnt hear it?

Well you got to ground yourself. Since I do not think you could confront and be in complete control you need to get some help to help you get grounded.

All eyes are upon you my friend. So step up and stay in control

Well I did confront her but in a civil way. I actually broke down in front of her again (I know, bad thing).

She once again told me that she is not cheating on me and has no desire to "put herself out there", whatever that means.

After our discussion she took a shower, put on some mascera and left for a friends house for new years. No clue what friend or where. That tore me up. But she did come back around 8pm and spent most of her time like she usually does. Hours and hours on the cell phone.

Regardless, I'm not sure I can believe this. She now keeps her cell phone with her 24/7 and is very guarded of it.

I actually got a tear from her when I explained that I felt like my wife died and nobody could tell me why she died and I felt like I had some responsibility for it. This is the first time I have seen any emotion from her since this started so I must have struck a nerve.

I know that she has a high school reunion in June so I am worried that she will be tempted to turn what looks like a long distance EA into a PA every time she takes a trip home.

I suppose I should not beat myself up about it as she will be out of the house soon and we will both be single again on 8Feb. In my simplistic mind, I will always be married to her. That's just how I feel regardless. She will always be my wife. That's something I will have to work on in my own time I guess.

As far as she is concerned, she apparently detached from me years ago.