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Hi Sweetie,

Sorry you are going through this. I know it is tough and confusing. How can I help?

I 'm going through the should of's of what i've said and texted. not sure if i should have demanded he remove every time of his from the house? i guess i was holding onto it as a sign of something. that's what he told me friday he didn't want to take everything because he planned on working things out.

we've been seperated before, 9 months and we got back together with nothing changing. duirng our back to gether i got pregnant had miscarriage, lost more family members and here we are again, me pregnant but this baby WILL live(power of positive thinking believing. it's like if he can walk away when our d2 was 2 months old, no reason he can't do it again, me pregnant with yet another child. i kept getting further into financial obligation more children and putting my livelyhood in jeapordy. i'm no longer sad, i'm darn pissed off and angry. suppose like death going through variety of emotions in stages.

really how am i going to let go of resentment when he does want to come back, you bastard you left me when i was pregnant, hospitalized. i told him he thinks he can be in the delivery room for csection, there's no way, if he can't be there for me now how can i have him be there when it suits him when our son is born. i think beleive the closer we get to the birth the more he's going to flip out i don't know maybe i'm wrong. i want him to be there but i said he can't if we are not a family as husband wife.

This is normal. The key is determine if what you did/said drew him closer or pushed him farther away. Reflect and then keep doing what is working and stop doing what is not working. YOU CAN DO THIS.

It is better to set boundaries (vs demands). "As long as you are not living in this house, there is no reason for your items to be here. If they are not out by XYZ, I will get rid of them."

I would not trust his words, just his actions. Even then, I would set good boundaries. DO NOT LET HIM MOVE BACK IN UNTIL HE PURSES YOU HARD.

That is why boundaries are very important THIS TIME!

I am very sorry for your losses. HUGS.

I wish you and your baby well. THis is the time to focus on taking care of YOU. What are you doing to reduce your stress? Focus on eating right, sleeping and exercise (Based off what your doctor recommends).

All his choices. All you can do is make healthy choices for YOU and your children.

Is he paying you child support?

You have every right to have these feelings. Channel that energy into possitive actions. Right now, I am channeling my anger into setting healthy boundaries with MsR2C. Some use it while exercising.

Very similar.

Forgiveness. This heals you. Resentment lives in the passt but affects you in the present. "Radical Forgiveness" is a great book to read.


Lets worry about that when he does come back.

Feel this pain now, then let it go.

This one is tricky. It sounds like a good boundary, but....If you want him there, invite him. You can set other boundaries for your R/M but he is Dad. Will having him there bring the two of you closer?

As far as money he gives me nothing not a penny. he gives his money to his mommie daddie and to pay his truck. i have always taken care of the mortgage, utilities food. from time to time he has given me a hundred here or there over the course of 2 - 3 years.

bring us closer him in the delivery room, so he can brag about a son he didn't give two shits about when i was pregnat, rate now those feelings are far to disgusting for me to even think of him being there if we are not man and wife. it will make me feel even more anger for him since he didn't give a [censored] me trying to ifnd someone to empty the cat box so my baby doesn't get brain damage or kidney failure. i ONLY WANT him there if we are reconciled. should i state that to him?

i would love to be able to work out let go of stress, or drink or just go out dancing be social something, but the size of my belly no drinking no smoking no loud music, no lifting weights ect puts damper on it. after i'm done working all day driving extra miles to get my daughter then back to my house cooking dinner feeding he dogs the cats, getting me water that i can carry, grading papers, planning for next day's weeks lessons, i'm beat. i still wake up in the middle of the night, so does my daughter, we both sleep on the couch.

there's nothing to trust in him then bs, lies deciet selfishness, i got that part. i just don't know what to do now.

how do i move on being pregnant with some dudes baby, he doens't give a crap of either of his kids.

Hi Sweetie,

I will start out by saying how sorry I am that you are going through all of this without his support. It must be so hard for you. The best thing I feel I can offer you is guidance. Most of my thoughts come from all the books I have read and all the threads I have read on this site.


He is responsible for HIS children. It is up to you to set YOUR boundaries on what is acceptable. If you do not set a boundary, things will continue as before. The best thing you can do is TAKE ACTION. Child support is based on a formula. Find out what he should be paying you each month. (IE gain knowledge). Then GIVE HIM A CHOICE:

"H, I feel it is time for you to step up and take responsibility for your children. I expect XYZ dollars from you on the first of every month. If I do not recieve this money, I will file for child support."


His choices have consequences. He made his choices and now has children. He has responsibility to his children. If he cannot afford the truck and his kids, he may loose his truck. HIS ISSUE. Not yours.




You can also file for back child support if he refuses to make payments to you. This is another option that you should look into.

If you do not want him there. Great. This is also your choice based on HIS behavior. Boundaries are set for YOUR protection. When he demonstrates changes in his behavior, then reevaluate your boundaries.

Here is a boundary statement:

"H, when you _____, I feel ______ , I want _______"

"H, When you do not support me during this pregnancy, I feel angry and disrespected, I deserve respect. Until I see genuine respect, I see no reason for you to be in the delivery room."

You can determine what respect boundaries to set later. Consoling, other changes in the way he treats you etc...


YES. How about walks, massage.....

I bet you are. It must be exhausting.

Why not a bed?

Take action to do what is best for your children and you. Do not enable his bad behavior.

He might not give a crap, but he is legally responsible for them. If he chooses not to be responsible, then the law and court system can.

Jstar, is there anyone that you can count on at work? One thing that is really in your favor as far as having him there at the birth, you can totally choose who you want in there, or not. But I really recommend having someone there. Are you at all close to your inlaws? Is there any chance that your parents, or siblings could be there for you?

Have you tried swimming at all? Just being in the pool, even if you dont actually exercise, will take a lot of weight off of your spine, the water pressure on your legs is good for your blood pressure. Im a big fan of swimming!

sadly during the course of our relationship i lost both my parents, grandparents and family. my people at work know but don't really say to much. i'm really against having him be there pretending he's family supporting me when he hasn't during the pregnancy. plus i'd like to make him suffer, i'm honnest but he took so much from me i am feeling vengeful towards him. in laws, jesus they hate my guts because i stand up formyself and owuldn't let their son walk over me, told them to stay out of our business and told him he had to cut off paying for anything with them when he would pay them first before me and daughter.

i've pretty much been on my own for the past 3 years, rely upon him for support which i never got.

there is an agency that may help me i just have to make the arrangements for them be in during the surgery and some aftercare.

exercise, after work i dart out to get my daughter so i don't have to see him and we go home. i miss her enough during the day while i'm at work. and just want to hang with her after work.

So take her swimming! Im telling you, it will feel great for your belly and back!

well looks like i have set up boundaries and he says nothing to them. so now what? what am i supposed to do?