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Thank you. I think it is exactly as you say. The silent periods help. For both them and us. I maintained no/limited contact for a month. I felt better after the stay/go rollercoaster she put me through for a year. She sounded happier. No face/voice to apply negativity to.

I think what made the floodgates reopen for me was the date I had with her Friday. I broke no contact because she seemed happier. The date went well, no relationship talk. Even though I didn't want them to my expectations started soaring.

I asked her out again. She said I was being too pushy. I sent her a note saying I wanted to date her consistently - without any goals. Maybe we would go nowhere, maybe we would ignite the passion of a new relationship with the comfort of old friends. I told her I wouldn't ask her out again, but my door is open. I miss talking to her. She needs to ask next time.

So, I started brooding. I don't know where this is going. Maybe she doesn't either. Maybe I just don't get the point. Maybe I should take a page out of her playbook and go into "party mode." That's not what I want. If I've learned anything, I have to ask for what I want. Not expect it just to happen. That violates space and makes me appear pushy/needy. I've been pretty good about covering it up, but I am pushy/needy.

During the no contact, I genuinely got to the point where I wasn't afraid, lonely, or sad. Just happy that she is happier and happier myself. Out of sight, out of mind.

I will resume no contact. I asserted myself, now I'll take a step back. Gone but not forgotten, hopefully. Maybe brief encounters will change her mind. I have to be careful about being lovingly detached from her and not becoming cold, angry to deal with my longing. When do I reassert? How long do I hold on? I know no one can answer. I pray for her every morning and every night. I use "The Power of a Praying Husband."

I want this to be over so badly. The finality of Divorce may be welcome. I'm just having a bad day. Thank you for your support.

Jeff I have go through those emotions every week. At least she went out on a date with you and it was natural to ask again. She said no so take a major step back. See what another month of dark brings.

When do you try to reconnect is a huge question, especially if you have someone who tends to run from difficult situations. Last night I asked my W if she'd like to come to church with me and our daughters. We haven't spent any time together since D7's birthday party in July and we've had two relationship talks, September and October. One of those was good, one was bad.

I'm like you. My head tells me that if I invest enough time that this will work out. My W is so difficult to get to know and shy with people that I'm the only one who ever dated her longer than three months. It takes a lot of work to get inside her heart and eventually she'll come back to me.

But I don't know if my heart can take the waiting. I feel like I'm holding us both back by holding on.

A major question for you. Are you financially ready and able to file and OK with the consequences?

In my case, I have a few more hundred to save up and would actually be better off in D than in limboland. My W, I don't believe has any money to D and would just exist this way indefinitely.

Once I have the money then I'll have even more decisions to make.