Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers What can I do to save my marriage? Help

TriDoc:

Hello! Our marriages are similar in a lot of ways, except for the infidelity (I hope!). The "living for the kids" is us. Two boys in club soccer, and a D18 that is a handful!

It was hard to read how awful your wife is to you, when you're really making an honest effort. My H is sarcastic, too... He is/was KING SNARK. I'm learning to deal with that in a better way, but it is NOT attractive!

I agree w/the master bedroom, and I have to agree w/Rob (not on his appendages! LoL) on his approach w/the actions that dn't feel "right" in this situation. She has lost respect for you. Get it back!

You can fix so many other people. Now fix yourself, and be you again. Don't let her determine your value.

Good Luck.



PS - TWO D13's! Oy! Second semester freshman year, you WILL have your hands full, from there on out!

I second R2C - how many marriages has this therapist saved? There's no drama and anger coming from your end, just a statement of rights and due respect. There's a difference between selfish and self-respect. If you're going to be ruled by fear of reactions and consequences over which you have no control or responsibility, you might as well roll over and resume the begging / pleading / crying route. Fine, it's christmas - Set the date.

Oh and I'm glad Robx didn't use a different word play and type "Try-Appendage". Even as a LRT , 180, or whatever tactic, it could have been a mite too much to handle .

Morning update,

I am almost through all the books. Last night and this morning were good. Things seemed civil. I had a plumber come and fix our master bathroom faucet. While I was talking with him my wife went to my room and found my all my books hidden under my bed. When I went in the room she was on my bed going though them all.

Yesterday she asked me what I did. I told her that I did some cleaning then took the kids to do their stuff.. Which was partially true. The rest of the time I read. As she sat there on my bed with one of the books in her hand, she told me "I lied and I was dishonest". I ignored her comment and told her that I was going out for a run and would be back in 30 minutes so she could go out on her bike ride. That was it.

I suppose she sees some change and is wondering what I am reading or doing. This comment appeared to be a test, because the book she was holding was "Hold on to your NUTs". I didn't argue or defend myself. After that she seemed quiet, she even left her phone home when she went out on her ride.

I didn't want her to find the books I thought I hid them well, but she did and now she is on to me. Do you think this is good? Do women want to see a guy do all he can to change, even if he has to read a manual?

I would LOVE to see my H doing what you're doing But the WAS definately doesn't see it that way!

What's done is done. It's not helpful to have her see your resources for working on yourself and the M, be it books, this forum etc.. Try to avoid it in future as best you can is my suggestion.

In her mind, they're nothing but manuals to help you manipulate her, at best.

Mindful,

I read about your situation. I'm so sorry. How can someone who says that they love you put you through so much pain. Keep positive!

Tridoc,

Did she see DR or DB? If not, make sure she doesn't see them. If she reads them, she may think your changes are just part of a trick to get her to stay.

Keep you R books in a better hiding place. I don't think it is helpful for her to see R books. The only one I left out while I was reading it was "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman.

Do not let your women ever call you a liar again. She is disrespecting you.

"I understand you might feel that way but please don't ever call into question my honor and integrity again. I know the value of my word. These are important values to me and I won't tolerate anyone trying to discredit me."

Another book to read but it has some real fluffy writing at times is "The Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida.

I read it the other way that she lied....If she accused you of this, I agree with coach.

Good/Bad right/wrong. Does not matter. Did the books help you? That is all that matters.