Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? I am a Superfox and I Deserve Better!

And there is nothing wrong with you!

Well, I used to feel the way you do about my parents. They always treated us kids like kids, despite our professions. No matter what advice we gave them, we were idiots. But now my kids are in their twenties. I think I do a good job believing them when they talk about things and give advice. But in a lot of other ways, I still look at them and see kids, maybe about 12 years old. If I accept that they are adults, then what I am? An old woman. And I can't accept that. So, yeah, the kids have to stay kids, or I have to stop being me.

I am somewhat reminded of the mother in Fireproof.

Bobbi Jo, your mother has the best intentions for you, but with a generation separating you. Generational differences of thinking and empathy could be thought of like the differences in communication between men and women.

I agree with Jeff here BBJ. Your parents still see you as a child even though they know, realistically, you aren't and are quite capable. They want to feel useful to you. They want to protect you. They love you.

Next time they offer to help you get the car out of the snowy driveway and it irritates you, smile and politely say, "I have it covered but feel free to come outside and freeze watching me maneuver out of the driveway."

It is done out of love BBJ, not because they think you incapable.

Thanks guys...:)

Mish, when we went to Retro we did some FOO (family of origin) stuff. That is when I realized that the unspoken message I got from my parents was that I couldn't do anything, except school stuff, for myself...

That is my mom's problem, not mine. She has ocd although she claims she doesn't. I was never ALLOWED, let alone told, to do any chore of any kind as a child. B/C I would probably do it wrong and she would have to re-do it.

So I got to college having never cooked anything except ramen noodles, never having washed or ironed or folded any kind of laundry, heck I didn't even make my own bed! And as embarrassing as it is to admit, my mom styled my hair for me until the 8th grade. She just acted like it was her job to do so!

Anyway not trying to have a pity party, I am not a fan of blaming parents for your situation. But I do acknowledge it leaves me often feeling as if I must refuse any offer of assistance now to prove I am a capable person!

OK got to go get ready. Church, then my extended family on my mom's side Christmas party. Then tonight we are having Dan over for cake as it is his birthday today. Just thought it was the right thing to do.

So how was the cake?

John,

The cake was great, thanks for asking! He came over around 6:30, the kids were eating dinner. Then they gave him his presents and we had cake.

He was overwhelmed by his present, wasn't expecting that much. The kids got him a DVD player w/blu ray and the Hangover DVD on blu ray.

I figure, he spent that much on me for the tree, plus the tile for Christmas...besides he will need some new stuff for the new house and the kids will be the ones primarily benefitting from the dvd player. They got him a card where you can record a meesage so I let them put their voices on it. For Christmas he is getting the Star Wars Clone Wars and Transformers on DVD/blu ray from the kids. Again, something they will enjoy as much as he will, if not more!

In other news, I haven't heard from my attorney yet re. the petition and I am a little concerned. I met last week to write it up and he said he would email me a copy in 2-3 days. Which would have been Thurs/Fri. For tax purposes it really needs to be in and signed by Dec. 31!

Also, I got another email from CA Saturday night. He and I have emailed several times now in addition to the one 'date/meetup'.

I had emailed him Fri and said I didn't know if I should thank him or kick him--he suggested a design program for Nathan to try out from google and now Nathan pesters me to use it! Well he replied back something to the effect of 'I might like that if you kicked me'...so I think that was his attempt at being playful. That is what I don't like about email, it is harder without nonverbals/facial expressions! Anyway he said he is going to drive to Chicago for Christmas so we won't be getting together until after that...

Speaking of Christmas, we will be housebound by then! Freezing rain tomorrow, sleet on Wed. Up to 1/4" accumulation of ice expected, followed by 7-14" snow on Wed/Thurs. Merry Merry Christmas!

Oh well...at least I am not planning on going anywhere. The kids are supposed to go 60 miles from here on Christmas eve to see Dan's sister and the rest of his family. I hope if they go they are able to get back in time to see me Christmas morning. If they don't I would understand, I don't want them to be hurt on the roads. But that would just suck...

For my own son, what is the design program called?

Actually, wouldn't it be more beneficial to be divorced after the new year? I would imagine that filing as married has its advantages.

Please send some of that snow west - we need it.

Kerry-It is designed so that we can file as married this spring and file as single next spring without dividing up any tax years.

The program is google sketchup. It is free to download and contains a lot of prebuilt 3d models...

Like I said before, keep as much of it south of the border as possible!!!!