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Bob, SHE IS FLIRTING WITH YOU!



(in case you had not noticed)

Well - While no news would have been good news, some news, however, is not bad news. Even though she went home, all in all it was a very good night.

Dinner went very well - She loves steak and I had a nice ribeye with green beans and Carrots and onions in a butter sauce and a tossed salad to start. I had given her a CD of Floyd Cramer playing country hits and I lit two candles and had the lights down. All during dinner we laughed and talked and just had a very good time. After dinner I fixed her a cosmopolitan (her favorite mixed drink). We sat on the porch after dinner and watched the sun go down while drinking our Cosmopolitans (yes, OUR, a 180 for me in that I never drank one with her before even though I would make them for her)

After the sun went down we came in and talked some more but got more into our R. She did say that when she dropped the bomb that she never thought we would be kissing and hugging within two months. But she said she still has a lot of anger to work through. She is angry that the marriage did not work. She said she was asking herself during dinner, Why we could not have done more of that during our last year of marriage. I told her that her ex husband would not have done that but the new me will never tire of doing special things. She said she can see the possibility of us together again but she needs time and wants to work on building the friendship part first. I believe she is right on that as in every marriage the spouses should be friends. And while she feels an internal conflict with kissing me she still does it and will even initiate the hug or kiss first quite often. She even stated that she seriously considered staying even before I asked her and she did say that she will stay her in the near future but did not want to set a time.

When she left I walked her out to the car and she initiated the kiss and hug and thanked me for a wonderful dinner and evening and said she would call when she got home to let me know she was safe.

Piecing is a very slow process. But I think the end is worth it.

Congratulations, Bob! Do you realize that not even 2 weeks after the 'divorce' your W is accepting the idea that you may be together in the future. That has to be some kind of a record! She is only asking for time!!!

How much more positive can it get? Great job, my friend!

Good Morning ODGA,

Well, it sounds like a perfectly WONDERFUL evening to me!

Not one you would hear from too many people having just gone through a D.

Last night was the 1 week anniversary of the final order.

I will give her the time she needs because she is worth it. However, she did acknowledge that she knew that I would not wait forever and that I would not be a puppet on her strings. (she brought that up, not me, although we do have an uncanny ability to read each others' minds and I was thinking that) She also stated that when she dropped the bomb she took a gamble that I would not just say “to H@!! With you,” and hit the road, never to be seen again and she said she did not want that. I get the feeling that she is thinking to herself that she just got a divorce last week and that she is not suppose to have the hugie kissie feeling toward her ex. While she does not seem to mind the public display of affection (PDA) the hugs and kisses and the back and neck rubs, the hand holding, etc, she does have a problem with PDA around anyone that knows we are divorced, i.e. her friends and family. It will take time for her to work through that emotional conflict.

One positive last night is that while walking out to the back deck she “accidently” brushed her hand against me a little below my belt buckle. In fact, it was such a light touch that I did not even notice it, but she mentioned she touched me immediately. I would not think much about that except that she did the same thing Saturday, (except I did notice it then and that touch was not an accident)

A definite positive to finish out the evening though (along with so many positives throughout the evening that I can not remember them all) when she was sitting in her car getting ready to go and I was squatting down by the open door, she bent over and started kissing and tonging my neck and kept it up for about 20 seconds. Definitely more that a peck or incidental action. One of my Goals was to have her kiss my neck like that again.

Several goals achieved last night. Although things might not be moving as fast as I would like, if it did move that fast it would be too much for her to handle and maybe even too much for me to handle as well. So the pace for now is slow and steady.

Also since several goals were achieved it is time to redefine set new ones. One will be to get More neck kisses like the last one.

ODGA,
Wow - enjoy every wonderful moment! And, as you implied, there really could be no better pace than the one you have. Again, your insight and willingness to be patient is essential in your R moving forward as it has!!!!

Also an update OGDA....if you purchase the package that includes 3 DB sessions, you can transfer any of those sessions to your spouse, as long as you use the same coach. Hope that clarifies. Keep it up and you have my support as always,

Quote:

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I told her that her ex husband would not have done that but the new me will never tire of doing special things.

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Great use of the technique, ODGA!
Keep up what you're doing.
It's working.

Ellie

Good morning. How are things?

Well - W is getting ready to go on Sister Trip Cruise and with all the excitement of going, the excitement of us and our R is on the back burner. Kinda to be expected though.

She did IM me this morning though very excited about the HOPE CHIME (the little wind chime I bought her on our date the day of our final hearing.) she IM’ed me in ALL CAPITAL letters “I HAVE RAINBOWS“. When I asked what she meant she said “YOUR LITTLE PURPLE THING IS SHINING RAINBOWS RIGHT ON MY DESK WHERE I'M WRITING - IT'S NEAT”

It is nice to know that the last two things I got her (the painting of Cades Cove in the Smokey Mountains, and the HOPE CHIME) were placed in very prominent places in her home. The first in her bedroom and the second in the window of her office.(she works out of her home) And she made an effort to let me know both. After hanging up her pictures she asked me when I was over there to go look at them and the Cades Cove was right in the middle. And she IM’ed me about where she put her HOPE CHIME.

Since right now she is kinda in her own world in getting ready for the sisters cruise trip I will just use this time to review and update my goals. I have a lot that I have accumulated since starting the DB’ing.

Goals
Not Achieved - Achieved

1. Get back together
2. Want her to say ILY
3. Want her to ML to me
4. Want her to call me. - She has on several occasions - still want more often tho.
5. Want her to kiss me - She has on several occasions - want more though and she says she has strange feelings about kissing me so soon after divorce. But she keeps kissing me and even will initiate.
6. Want her to hug me - She has on several occasions - want more though and she says she has strange feelings about hugging me so soon after divorce. But she keeps hugging me and even will initiate.
7. Want her to go out with me - Have done this two times since D (one a 30 hour date) and she came to my apartment for dinner.
8. Want her to kiss my neck like she use to - she did once but then stated she was sorry for teasing me - told her she could do that whenever she wanted to - no strings attached.
9. Want her to give me a back rub - she did start to lightly rub my foot the other day when we were sitting on the couch and I had my leg up near her. It is a start.
10. Want her to give me little gifts - she has on occasions.
11. Want her to invite me over to her house - when I am there late she has asked me to stay in the guest room but she has not asked me to come over and stay.
12. Want her to stay with me at my appt - at my dinner in my apartment she said she had thought about staying the night but that she still was just not ready. Did say that she likely would in the near future. Maybe with only cuddling and no ML.
13. Want her to go away with me for weekend - is talking about it but not with enthusiasm. At least she is not dismissing the thought.
14. Want her to go on a cruise with me - is talking about it but not with enthusiasm. At least she is not dismissing the thought.
15. Want her to go to my convention with me in April 04 - she knows this is a ways away and we can kinda ignore for now - if my last two happen then this will likely happen. She did say it was possible.
16. Want to set up standing weekly dates with her (like every Friday night for dinner to talk)
17. Want her to talk with DB coach
18. Want her to listen to Keeping Love Alive (KLA) cd’s

Well - some goals have been reached and some yet to go.

I think it sounds like things are going very well.

It is that Patience thing now.

I sure wish I had more of it!

But lots of positives here.