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I am intrigued by your comment. Can you elaborate?

I have been lurking here since March.

Our M has been going downhill for a long long time. I am not sure where I should begin...
Married for 6 years, together for 13, 2 kids age 2 and 4.

Usually it gets to the point where I feel like I am walking on eggshells, monitoring what I say to avoid conflict, hardly talking to each other, no physical touching and I feel like everything I do is wrong.

So, about 3 weeks ago, I said to my H that something needs to change (we have had this talk before). We can't go on living like this. I want us to be together but what we are doing is not working. For the first time, he admitted he has thought about D, selling the house and going our separate ways. When we had R talks in the past, he would say he was not going anywhere and had no plans of leaving. He also basically gave me the ILYBNILWY talk. He loves me for the fact he has 2 beautiful DD by me but is not attracted to me anymore.

Said he was depressed in summer but now sees thing clearly. I knew something was up as he started smoking again (H got defesive when I questioned his purchases on CC statement which I figured were cigs) but did not think he was depressed. He said he talked to someone* (won't tell me who, I only asked once) and he said they validated his reasoning and way of thinking.

Since this talk, we have not discussed our R again.

Back in march, I asked him if he wanted to go to MC. He said no. He did not need to have someone tell him what he already knows. And that he is tired of trying. (I look back and think what did he do to try?.... whatever he did, it went unnoticed to me.)

When we argue, he tends to raise his voice and yell and then I cry. I tune him out, I do not focus on the words or point he is trying to make, I just hear the angry tone in his voice. He complains he has told me many times but I never listen. I have to agree with him but I have a hard time focusing when he is so angry especially we he says hurtful things.

As far a sleeping arrangements, we have hardly slept together in the same bed for 4 years.
When DD1 was born, all 3 of us co-slept together . Then when DD2 was born, DD1 went to her own bed, I slept most of my nights in the nursery and H had bed to himself. Then DD2 moved into our bed and H left b/c he said there was no room in the king bed. So finally just before DD2 turned 2 in Aug, I moved her into her bed but H did not come back into our bed for a long time. He admitted part of his reason was that he did not feel that close to me. He is back in bed with me most nights, but there are times where he moves back into the spare room.

Since our 1st DD was born, I have not been my old self. Over tired, overwhelmed. H is not that hands on with the kids. Rarely got up with the kids at night, put them to bed, diaper changed, etc... He never would say let me look after the kids so you can have some time to yourself.
In all this time, he has never taken the iniative and planned any date nights.

I could ramble on and on and on....
Anyway, I am still waiting for my copy of DR and His needs/her needs but have read 5 love languages.

I can't seem to bring myself to talk to anyone about this yet. Hopefully this post will help me.

My current situation has similarities to the last time we broke up in 2001. We were living together, I left and was fed up. He was unemployed, gamed all the time, smoking pot, unmotivated, no physical contact. He cleaned up, got a job, and pursued me hard. Never knew if there was someone else back then but I wondered. I always told myself that if we separated again, it would be for good. I think that is why I am here.... I want to make sure that I do everything I can to save this marriage. I need to be able to tell my girls that I did everything I could if things don't work out.

What did you do that time to make him do all that?

Puppy

When your gut feeling tells you to snoop for answers... is there usually something there?

My current situation has similarities to the last time we broke up in 2001. We were living together, I left and was fed up. He was unemployed, gamed all the time, smoking pot, unmotivated, no physical contact. He cleaned up, got a job, and pursued me hard.