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define sex.

nevermind, Jon2911, what do you know about the population dynamics of rabbits and foxes?

OK, I give. I quess my references are a bit obscure. They are from the begining chapters of divorce busting. To me, they stood out as examples of the point Michele was trying to get across at the time. African violets and old ladies, foxes and rabbits? an interesting choice of examples.

Why did I bother? Because rather than telling you to snub your wife, get another wife, detach, reattach, get a job, jump off a bridge, or buy a propeller hat spin it and yell woo hoo, I was hoping after a year you would go back to basics and review the text with what you know now. As they say, hindsight is 20/20.

I was hoping you or someone else was reading this now at a stressful time for everyone, even more stressful for people in a divorce situation and those examples, would have stuck out like a sore thumb.

I guess everyone interprets this text differently and resolves their marital problems by drawing their own conclusions(solutions).

Steve,
Thanks for trying to keep things on track. It doesn't seem most of the people on this thread have ever read DR, or are interested in discussing DBing.

Here's everything in a nutshell.

The rest of us can see that, but you can't. Don't know why, but that's the way it is. The indecision and codependence in your R, your previous drinking, etc. is the main problem. The issue with your W and your job, your kids, etc. are results of that basic problem. Simple as that.

When you deny, get flustered, get pissed at the venues to help you deal with that root problem of yours (either the boards, or AA) it's almost like you don't want to change that part of you. So you end up going in a circle. Repeating the same scenarios.

But like your W and her infidelity, you can't make her change until she sees that what she's doing is wrong. Same here. We can't MAKE you see what your root problem is. You have to read the posts, understand them and most importantly - believe that you have to make those changes.

You also have an issue with needing instant gratification. Case in point. You stated how you need to take out money from your 401K to take care of some basic expenses. Yet you go out and buy a Droid phone. I consider myself a techgeek, but I have a plain cellphone with no web capability because in the long run it saves me a few dollars.

I think it was CG who also gave you a whole list of ways to save money. How many of those have you tried?

See it seems like you're looking to go the quick and easy route whether it's your career, R, or personal life.

I think part of that problem comes from the fact that it's possible to come to this forum without knowing who MWD is or having read her books.

There is the principle of divorce-busting, as presented in DB and DR, and there's the actual application. Most of us here try to help with the latter.

DR is definitely the better of the 2 books. I thougth that the theory talk in DB about SBT was maybe best left for more advanced psychology books.

Kevin, one thing I think is important is to set a timeline on how long your are willing to wait for your marriage to reconcile.

In the meantime, if you want to improve and understand your interactions with the opposite sex better...

Hold on to your NUTs: The relationship manual for men

For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women