How did it go when you did these things that Newmama suggested:
Quote:
So, I will add some suggestions based on hindsight:
Do not let WH try to end it in person.INSIST on No Contact Letter.
Ask WH for a schedule of his daily events. (My WH is very routine so if he fell out of it, it was a red flag like if he left work at 6 not 5:30)
Tell him that for awhile you will need to hear from him frequently throughout the day/return your calls or texts within certain time.
You can check his phone, but be aware that he can delete messages and phone logs. (Mine did)Online records hopefully are better indicators but I don't remember if they are able to show same day activity.
Change his phone number.
Expect OW to keep trying to contact him and insist he tells you when she does, but he has to ignore her. Stay calm when he tells you.
He did everything that I asked - including changing his phone number. He offered to do that, before I even asked.
The one thing we had a big fight over recently is not returning my text messages. He said he didn't hear it, and then changed his ringer so it was obnoxiously loud rather than a short ding noise.
He is 100% on board with making "us" work. I just have a difficult time sometimes with the trust aspect. I am worried that something caused him to do this in the first place-it could very well happen again when we become complacent.
I understand. I have been there too, and now -- almost 2 1/2 years out from my wife's affair, and even tho it's going well with us -- there are still triggers, and still things I need our MC (and my wife) to help me with.
I am worried that something caused him to do this in the first place-it could very well happen again when we become complacent.
You are so smart!!! Yes, something is wrong with WS meaning some need is not being met but it's not necessarily something the BS can do to meet it. We cannot expect our spouse to make us feel happy; we are supposed to make ourselves happy (in healthy ways!!!). Just stuff I've read about marriage since the A--but it is confusing at the same time.
And I have read that reconciliation can fall apart when the couple doesn't fix/work on issues before the A and if the WS doesn't figure out what caused them to have an A!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
