Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy The continuing saga of P ...

Bluerain, thanks agian for your input. I do value it.



I did predict a while ago that when the A fails (and whether that is today, tomorrow, next week or in 5 years I truly believe it will fail at some stage but I also feel it will be too later for me - that's another story) I predicted that W will fall apart and have a breakdown. I've only got the following evidence:

We dated 6 months and I was an a$$ and, without going into too much detail, told her I didn't want it anymore as she was being needy. Next day, realised what a HUGE mistake I'd made and realised she was the 'one', walked out of work and rushed over to see her (hours drive). When I got there she was sitting, on her sofa, in her dressing gown (in the middle of the morning) in a daze. I tried for a week to get through to this ice maiden and nothing worked (her aunt eventually got through to her and we reconciled). My point is that after 6 months of going out, she fell apart.

What is she going to be like after a 7 year relationship and a 3.5 year marriage ends. Or should I say what is she going to be like when she processes her feelings about them. That will be after the A ends of course, when she is alone and thinking.

Oh, and my gut also tells me this.

I've said that before myself. They don't get a chance to go through all the stuff we go through to make us better people. When they wake up, we have already dealt with our issues, improved ourselves, have a REAL life and have moved on. They are still stuck with the same problems and haven't changed at all.

Hey P. Want to hear the saddest facebook thing ever from my stitch.

When I was snooping.

OM sent WAS a PM in facebook.

The message was

On day we can be friends on here.

Man that was just sad.

they are still hiding the adultery from the book...

My W told me almost this very thing several weekends ago. She said that she had to leave to get away from the guilt. I agree that once her A is finally over and the fog clears, having to process all that guilt will be VERY difficult.

Cutter, do you not find that stuff kind of funny?

Do you not feel that the fear of having to deal with the guilt will actually keep them in the A longer?

Quite possibly. My response to her comment was that "The reason you felt guilt was because you were continuing a R with OM behind my back after telling me you had cut off contact with him." I'm sure that truth dart hit home, and I'm sure that her guilt is probably one factor that keeps her from cutting it off and returning to her family. Shame and pride don't mix well. I know it would require her to swallow a lot of pride to admit to me (or even herself) the damage she has done to me and S7 by continuing this R with OM. It's easier for her right now to simply run away from the guilt and shame.

Which fits in nicely to the theory I have about my wife, and as others have said about all WAS's.

They are cowards.

Update.

Got a card today from MIL for me and for D.

Mine said 'happy and healthy 2010' and D's was from 'Nana X and Papa Y' which was a little strange I thought. There was also a note on D's card to say 'Hope to see you in 2010 x'.

I'm not reading anything into it, I just thought it was just a little strange. They are not her natural grandparents and given that her D (my W) hasn't sent D or me a Xmas card or Condolence card I thought it strange that MIL would actually still acknowledge their role in D's life as I felt that they fully supported W and I haven't heard anything from them in over 4 months. Yet, in the last three days I've had a condolence card with a letter, a phone call (I've yet to listen to) and 2 xmas cards. I don't know. I can't explain it. My gut just says to me it's strange ... move on.

Spoke to one of W's friends today as well as I had to pick D up from school for an appointment. W's friend works in the school. She apologised for not responding to any of my texts from a few weeks ago as her phone got water in it and broke and she's lost all her info. I actually thought she was closing ranks with W, which would be understandable, but she is a nice girl and I was a little upset by that. However, seems like it was just a normal 'one of those things' that caused it. Whether she is telling the truth or not matters little. She has opened the door again for me to chat to her. That is another communication channel to W. When I went in today I had my trousers, shirt and nice cologne on ... might get back, might not but you women notice that sort of thing

Today is my first day of stopping this cr*p about reading too much into things with FB etc. I will slip and I'm okay with that. Yes I am detaching and yes I feel that I was actually using those sitch's to feel a bit of power back but I need to reiterate to friends - I don't want to know what W is up to. I feel that has slipped lately. What I am / was doing isn't helping me.

I am looking forward to Xmas for the first time in years and I have a 'night out' arranged for just after it (although it will likely just me and D's mum but it's still a night out, few drinks, a dance and some fun).

P, I can't help but be curious as to why your MIL has contacted you sooo often lately while your WW has stopped.

I am "mind reading" but what if your WW really misses your D, told MIL about it, and so somehow gets to find out about D through MIL? Do you see where I'm going?

Also, some time I would love to hear the story of you and D's mum...what happened there? How are you still friends?