Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Need help setting boundaries tonight!

Here's another odd thing, husband bought me a bottle of wine. It's not for everyone for dinner, there's another bottle on the table for that. This type of wine that he got for me, I'm the only one who drinks it. He actually said "I got you wine." ?????

After dinner, daughter and I went to a friend's house for dessert. He didn't want to come. Before we left, we all sat on the couch and watched Elf. All of us were laughing, making jokes, etc. We left for about 2 hours. When we came back, he had taken the dog for a long walk in the rainy cold weather. Said he didn't want to sit home. He never takes the dog for a walk.

This morning, the day after Christmas, he came upstairs, made me coffee, made himself tea, emptied the dishwasher and then went back downstairs with his tea after handing me my coffee. Can someone with some insight please let me know why he is being so nice? Is he trying to make himself look good for his journal? I really don't understand.

Before going back downstairs, he said he was going to his brother's today around 4. The part I don't get is if he is staying around to be with daughter, then why isn't he around her and if not, then why doesn't he leave earlier? I am so confused by his actions... anyone?

I think he is doing it for his journal. He plans to use that in court to show that he was a good husband.

That's what I was afraid of...

I just sounds like typical guilt to me.

Guilt is somewhat good, no?

I know there is no one size fits all in these situations, but I am just wondering if there are any success stories out there about H or W's choosing to end affairs when they are so "deeply in love" with the OW or OM. I just need to know if it can truly happen if I just let it ride it's course? The only tricky part in my situation is that the OW is H's college girlfriend, his first love, first everything, the only other girlfriend he's had besides me, and they've reconnected.

Has anyone ever made it through such a strong EA and found themselves back together? I just don't ever see him admitting he was wrong and wanting to come back. Or has anyone ever been the cheating spouse and what made you come back?

I know I can't compete, but how do I compete?

Ok, I feel like I keep asking for advice, but I guess that's what this place is for, right?

How do I forget how nice he was and how cordial it was over Christmas and go back to going dark and not being around each other? I allowed him to be around us for daughter's sake and Christmas, but tomorrow night he comes home again from his brother's and I want to make sure he understands that was just for the holidays and now it's back to his real life, the one where he's having an affair and needs to be in another room? Or do I just make the effort to walk out every time he's around?

I know dinner will come up tomorrow and what I had planned. I made lasagna. Do I just tell him to take some downstairs? UGH. I've obviously been thinking a lot these last few days...

You and your daughter eat then you throw the rest of it in the garbage. You do not give him any to take in the basement. If he is going to act like a cheating hermit. F him. Should be your attitude. Rejection is one thing, rejection from a fool is cruel.

Tomorrow, Monday morning, you make an appt. with a lawyer. You will be needing at least child support (and preferably/also support for yourself and the household expenses) and a custody agreement as he is moving out. Make sure you have this intact before he moves out. Make sure you will not be financially strapped because of all of this.

And there are ways to complete. There are ways to make a man cry. Depends how counter-intuitive you want to get.

What are the ways?