Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I can take it no more soldiers wife need help

i did thanks

but all they told me is they where going to schedule a appointment for someone to come see me i dont want this to hurt him in any kind of way

Well, thats a little ways away. I think that since you are detaching and going dark, you should plan to not go. But dont tell him that- stay dark about it all. I think that the trip would be a disaster if you were to go with things the way that they are right now. The last thing that we want is for him to reject you, right? Dont ever put them in a place where they can lie to you, or reject you. This is more about protecting you and your heart than anything else.

You already have the ticket, right? So, if things change you can still go.

In the mean time, detach, stop worrying about what hes doing, who hes doing it with, if he misses you, all of it. Stop. I know that ignoring him seems like it will just make him think that you dont love him, or whatever, but this really works. And the number one thing that you can, and will, do to help your marriage is going to be getting your head squarely back on your shoulders.

You pursuing counselling through military one source will not hurt him at all. Its confidential, and right now, he may be acting shamefully, but we dont have proof that hes doing anything illegal. So, dont worry about that, you need to have some kind of outlet here, and it will be good for you. And you is what we are worried about here!

What do you like to do to make yourself feel good?

ive never realy done nothing alone .. ive dont my hair and nails and gone to the mall and a movie with my baby girl.. back to my home town.. but dont realy have the money... cuz he wasted in drinking in one week 450... i was working tow jobs every 3days or so ... so i can save to go see him and we can enjoy it... but he spend that ... i just opend my own account is that wrong... and im saving money in case anything where to happen im prepared... hes the money support here cuz i dont do but 20hrs cuz i take care of everything else and him to while hes over there...


trust me if it was me i would be doing alot of things ive never done i just cant cuz its hard money wise

It is absolutely not wrong for you to open your own account. You need to be protecting yourself, and in this day and age, that is a pretty basic step in doing that. Whats wrong is him spending your money when he has a paycheck coming in!

Do you like to exercise? I found that really helped me. And I could go to the beach and get out of the house into the sun for free.

I think that I read that you just moved to where you are pretty recently, is that right? Do you still talk to your friends from the old duty station? I think that finding a way for you to expand your social support system is going to be really important now. Do you go to church? Could you volunteer somewhere? There are lots of free ways that you can meet people and get out of the house! Have you thought about going to school? There are lots of grants out there, so you could probably do it pretty reasonably, and theres daycare assistance for moms in school.

Are there any clubs that you can join, Im sure that if you are on any kind of sizeable base there are things that you can do there. Maybe start going to the gym there? The chemicals that your brain makes when you exercise are good for your mood, not to mention whipping that body into shape so you feel sexy is good for your mood too!

Its not how difficult the things that we face are that break us, but how we cope with them.

yes I understand he’s paycheck comes to me .. I do all the bills all he dose is focus at work I do everything else... but I guess that’s not the only thing his focusing in .... I love the gym I work out all the time I have one in my garage... no I don’t have much friends only work friends... all others our back home... I have my baby girl I take her to the park and our two dogs... I just feel so lonely and scared... I just don’t like to do much ive really haven’t thought of much to do... some coworkers want to take me out but I don’t like going out out ... with the coworkers don’t like when I go back to work and u know they start to talk... but I like music and yes I lessen to it all the time it calms me but its not the same when ur missing the something uve always had there next to u all ur life... i thank u for coming me down and soothing my mind I know ive changed subjects a few times and know is when I realize it ...am I losing my mine or just my self respect right now cuz the lest I try to think ... I still cant forget... its like it runs in my head over and over again just those words I LOVE U BUT NOT IN LOVE WITH U... even the part of the girl wasn’t as bad... im tiring to get it out of my head ....

Im not changing the subject. All I am interested in is finding a way to help you get to a better place. You should let your coworkers take you out, that being said, I also think that you should be very careful with alcohol right now. But if you get out of the house and have fun with some friends it would be good for you! And interacting with these people outside of work might help make them real friends instead of just work friends! If you feel lonely, do something to help yourself see that you really arent lonely!

Dont fall for the I love you but not in love with you speech, its just a line that almost every single one of us has heard! It really doesnt mean much.

Use some of his money to do something nice for yourself, not over the top, but a massage, or membership to a book club. He didnt have any qualms about using your money to buy liquor!

Im recommending ways for you to "Get a Life". These are things that will help you take your mind off of your situation and help you to make a better life for yourself.

I know ur not I am and im sorry for doing so ... I feel better today a little ... cuz he has not called not even to wonder how im doing and I have not bother my self .. but I do think of him always... and im my hart I know hell find his way my story did not start were I began its long... and hard to put words in here... I feel to much anger and I have been copping with that and have came down allot with this conversation I slept better but looked at my phone hopping he called to day... I haven’t much but I still have that in me to where I would no know what to say or how to start if he calls... I know he will cuz he will call me or text me when he’s back from the field to ask if he can take money out of our account to go out and drink .... im not the person to tell him know its his money to and I cant deny that from him but I do tell him I pay the bills and sometimes its not enough even though we get more know... I just don’t know why and still I guess will ask my self that till he comes clean witch he wont... for what ever reason it is... I don’t know much of this in here or if im doing this the right way im new to all this and I just still don’t know what im doing wrong... I here allot of advice and I don’t sometimes get the answers im looking for... but I try to peace them together and get something out of it.... I might not make sense sometimes cuz im latten and my words might come out wrong but I don’t mean to say them in a wrong way its that I don’t know how to put them together sometimes...

hello I feel a little better to day and I think ive said sorry to many times in my life... but I am that I my self is going throw this even thou I never wish it to happen... I tell my self that is a dream and never thought it would happen to me after 21years of being together H is a great man but very hard to get along with and ive learn... in my life that its not just him its me as well not only am I stubborn sometimes im to nice and make sure my H is taking care of... but i do say sometimes what about me when is it my turn to feel that again... I know sometimes is true what moms say us women make the man but he make me to as we grow together as a family... I really do hope that I can cope with this feelings of emotions and try to understand them my self so I can understand him... I have never failed in anything ive done so far in my life... and this is one thing I guess imam not good at understanding someone that will never share his feeling with me no mater how long of length of time we’ve been together... he will never shard that with me... and I do ask my self sometimes why... well I don’t know much about men cuz ive been with him like I said before all my life... and from what ive heard they are stubborn sometimes like we are but.... I think talking is a key factor in a relationship and we have always latke that in ours at all times... maybe cuz we never fight or argue about nothing ... if we do its miner stuff nothing like what we are going thro ... I hope he is seeking the same thing I am to save what we have but im sure... he’s not he will never ask for help no mater whets going on in his life not even from his family... ive learn that but I hope someone over there would open his mind to see the world and us for what it really is... not the pictures he’s tiring to make it look like ... I pray and I have hope for ur family... but I say this when u see that everything in ur life was so right and going grate something or someone has to come around and just mess things up ... whether is u or ur H or family or friends... I do sometimes regret pushing him to what he’s ever dream of becoming and standing by him to accomplish he’s gold’s in life and leave mines on hold to make sure he gets things done so I can do it when he comes home and not worry about him so much... but I guess things do happen for a reason and it only makes u stronger or weaker... and ive gone thro it all... and im a survivor a leader not a follower... I just hope he can do the same... and not fallow but lead the right way.... cant u tell that I still to this day put him first in my life other then my self ....

Hi AW. How much have you looked into DBing? Do you know about the 180's? It means changing your behavior to the opposite of what you have always done. To be completely unexpected- especially when your behavior up to this point, hasnt been in your best interest. I think that an excellent one for you would be to start putting yourself first! I know that you have been with him forever, but now things are changing. It doesnt mean that your M is absolutely over, but right now you HAVE to start figuring out how you are going to be ok.

So, you should start thinking about some goals, did you ever want to go to nursing school? Do you have a drivers license? Just think about things that will make your life more exciting, and fulfilling. Positive changes that you can make for yourself that will make you a better, healthier, more well rounded woman.

How old are you guys? Do you think that maybe he is having a midlife crisis?

Right now, I really dont think that even he understands what hes going through. No one will "Make" him see anything. You cant hope that someone will make him see because if anyone disagrees with him right now, he will push them away. My H actually told me "no one understands me!" Like a 16 year old boy!

The only thing that you have control over is you and how you react and cope, and prepare yourself for your future. How old are the kids? Right now, he is in a fog, making terrible choices, and doing stupid things. You need to decide where you want to be when he comes out of it. Who knows, maybe once you start doing really great things for yourself, you wont even want someone who treats you like this!