FWIW if I had to do it all over I would act as if nothing was bothering me, get more information and really plan my approach. That is a lotta acting, though. If you can pull it off it might be worth it.
Thanks, Kara. That’s exactly what I’m doing. I was blessed to find this board. Otherwise, I would have just reacted and confronted her with the cell phone bills. Read on…
H: 50 W: 48 Married 20 years Bomb and separation: 9/12/09 A discovered 12/02/09 http://tinyurl.com/yctnhec
Thanks for responding, Puppy! I’ve read a lot of your posts and knew you would be one of the “go-to” guys here.
W and OM were working out at the gym this evening as I was training my clients. It was really hard, and not to toot my own horn, but I put on an Academy Award winning performance. No cold stares or glaring, even though I wanted to walk over and clock that motherf@#$er. Can’t let them know that I know…yet. In fact, just as I finished with my last client, W and OM were in our little private kitchen whirring up an after workout shake. I came in and made friendly conversation. OM went on about how he was going shopping for furniture with his wife this evening. Last night (before I knew for sure), same scenario, he talked about going Christmas shopping with her. “I’m so married!” Lying a$$hole.
Quote:
#1. You confront her now, and say "Look, I know all about you and _______ (OM), and it needs to stop. This is incredibly disrespectful to me, to our marriage, and to our family."
Ordinarily, this will work, because a cheating spouse won't know what you know, and so long as you refuse to reveal your intel, and you're a good bluffer, they think "Oh chit -- he knows about my hook-up at the hotel, or he knows about my STD test result," or whatever. Even tho all you got is the cellphone activity (and not even its content). But since your wife already has been flagged on the cellphone account, you're just going to get a "Oh, he's just a friend," which is a pretty cheeseless tunnel, in my experience. More on that if you choose to go this route.
A few weeks back I asked W point blank if she was having an affair (my gut was talking to me). Of course, she acted as if that was a completely crazy question, “Of course not! Who would I have an affair with?” I wanted to say, but didn’t. I know W. She changed the password because she knew I was suspicious. When I pressed the issue, she did everything she could to stall, hoping I would just forget it. She knows how bad the bill looks. But if I confront her now, she will deny everything; “OM and I are just friends, Norm. You’re paranoid! OM is my friend and I’m going through a tough time.”…or some such BS.
Quote:
#2. GATHER MORE INTEL….
The other thing you could do would be to pull of the world's best acting job, like nothing is bothering you, and then wait for her to leave her phone lying around, unlocked, so you can see the CONTENT of text messages (I'm guessing her TMs are thru the roof???).
If it were me, I'd act as if nothing were bothering me, so she'll get careless and think she's in the clear, and I'd use the next month to gather as much intel as I could, and then I would CONFRONT and EXPOSE.
This is my preferred option at this point. Yes, TM’s are through the roof. They’ll cool it on the phone calls, I’m guessing, but I don’t think she’s thought of the fact that I have investigated the number of TM’s. Her PC is at BIL’s house where she is staying. I could install a keylogger on her PC at the gym, but many of our trainers (we have a bunch) use her PC to surf and check email when she isn’t at her desk. Could be a lot of work. Can’t afford a PI as money is very tight. I’ll have to be inventive.
My goal is to bust this A…COLD! No way for either of them to deny or talk their way out of it. Evidence that I could present to family and friends. I know my W. She would die a thousand deaths if those people knew. But, how to do it?
Quote:
I'm sorry. I know this hurts; I've been there.
Thanks, Puppy.
H: 50 W: 48 Married 20 years Bomb and separation: 9/12/09 A discovered 12/02/09 http://tinyurl.com/yctnhec
Can you get access to her PC at BIL's house? Some keyloggers (eBlaster, for sure) has a new option where you can send an e-mail to the person, and if they open the e-mail, it will install on the computer, unbeknownst. I don't know much more about that, or how fishy that would look.
Does her cellphone bill show TO WHOM the TMs go, or just the #? (some do, and some don't)
To whom does her computer belong?
To whom does her car belong?
I couldn't afford a PI either, but was fortunate enough to have a friend (from this very forum) hook me up with a friend he had in my city, and she did a little amateur sleuthing for me. She asked for NO compensation, but I paid for her gas and gave her a $50 gift card for her and her husband to go out to her husband's favorite restaurant for dinner, but that was all it cost me. By then, I knew my wife's schedule and patterns, and when she would hook up with OM, and so I had some success with that.
In all, I didn't spend much $$$. The voice recorder was $70. The pay-as-you-go BoostMobile cellphone was $40, and the GPS program was less than $10. Actually, I spent more on BATTERIES (for the GPS recorder) than I did on everything else!! LOL
btw, I'll bet you a beer that she has a new, secret affair cellphone (probably provided by OM) within 48 hours. She will most likely hide this in her car.
Some keyloggers (eBlaster, for sure) has a new option where you can send an e-mail to the person, and if they open the e-mail, it will install on the computer, unbeknownst. I don't know much more about that, or how fishy that would look.
I’ll check it out.
Quote:
Does her cellphone bill show TO WHOM the TMs go, or just the #? (some do, and some don't)
No, it just shows the total number of TM”s for us both. I don’t do many so the increase is her’s.
Quote:
To whom does her computer belong?
Her. And is at BIL’s house.
Quote:
To whom does her car belong?
Both of us, really. Both of our names are on the note. And they are calling right now, because she hasn’t made the payment.
Quote:
In all, I didn't spend much $$$. The voice recorder was $70. The pay-as-you-go BoostMobile cellphone was $40, and the GPS program was less than $10. Actually, I spent more on BATTERIES (for the GPS recorder) than I did on everything else!! LOL
I’m really interested in the GPS option. She is staying with BIL, so they can’t shack up there. OM is married, so shacking up at his place is really risky. I’m thinking they have to shack in a motel or some such. I want to be there when they come out. Just shake my head in disgust and drive off. Let ‘em [censored] and wonder what will happen next.
H: 50 W: 48 Married 20 years Bomb and separation: 9/12/09 A discovered 12/02/09 http://tinyurl.com/yctnhec
btw, I'll bet you a beer that she has a new, secret affair cellphone (probably provided by OM) within 48 hours. She will most likely hide this in her car.
Bet you're right!!
H: 50 W: 48 Married 20 years Bomb and separation: 9/12/09 A discovered 12/02/09 http://tinyurl.com/yctnhec
I really shouldn't post before I've had my first morning cup o' coffee.
McQueen is right. I was thinking of the voice-activated recorder, whose alkaline triple-A batteries I had to replace every day. The phone charge will last nearly a week.
I bought a cheap $40 BoostMobile GPS-capable phone, and disabled all of its sounds. Put a little piece of black electrical tape over the speaker, just in case. Bought $20 worth of minutes, and an app called MapQuest Find Me -- $3.99/mo. Hid it in my son's baseball equipment back in the trunk of her car. You then log on to a secure website, and you can view where the car (phone) is at all times. (It needs to have a clear "view" of the sky, but even jammed in the baseball bag, it worked fine about 90% of the time). You can even set alerts, where it will shoot you an e-mail when the phone gets within a predetermined distance of a selected location (ex.: 100 yards of OM's house, or 200 yards of my wife's place of employment, etc.). I was able to capture screenshots of her car parked at OM's house, contemporaneous with my journal noting that she told me she was at work, etc.
It also aided me with my amateur sleuth, as I was able to give her my wife's driving patterns, and locate her when she'd lose her.
If the car is partially titled to you, I believe this is legal, but check your state laws. It was perfectly legal here, in Florida, as the law deems the car to be your personal property and you are allowed to keep track of the whereabouts of your property.
It was really hard, and not to toot my own horn, but I put on an Academy Award winning performance. No cold stares or glaring, even though I wanted to walk over and clock that motherf@#$er.[quote]
Give that man an Oscar!
I know you didn't mean it to be funny but that made me laugh, esp the part about "clock that motherf-cker!"
