Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Going straight forward...antlers 5th thread.

Yep. Good stuff.


ps - thanks for posting...picture a skeleton sitting in front of a screen...waiting.

This is something that CIPA wrote me...seems like this is the way it is...

"Antlers,

I know this may be hard to stomach, but a Divorce is about destruction. It's sad to fathom, but it's about the destruction of everything you and your WAW has created.

It's hard to imagine, but my cousin told me that I need to treat her as the enemy. This is the war where there are no winners. What we need to focus on now is how to minimize the fall out on the innocent (the children).

So what I'm focusing on is how to make sure the boys and I are as whole as possible after the destruction of what was built up over the past decade. We can't save it all, but we can make sure the future for us and our boys will be the best.

We owe this for ourselves as well as our boys. Get a good lawyer that can help keep your emotions in check and treat this as a business negotiations.

Things are screwed up because of the choices the WAW had made. Whatever role we had played, we have tried to atone for our mistakes. In the end, nothing we say or do now will hurt more than when our children cast their own judgement on what really caused the divorce.

Stay strong and protect yourself and your children..."



It sucks. Two decades and it ends up like this!

Some excerpts from TrentC...


Psalm 15:2 challenges us to "speak the truth in our hearts." We are to tell ourselves the truth. The truth is you are made in the image of God. You have tremendous value. Your abilities are many. You have scores of characteristics that others admire.

God has not given up on you. The apostle Paul wrote, "I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus" (Phil 1:6). In spite of all that has happened, God still intends to bring you to wholeness. He has strong and positive purposes for your life. You must tell yourself the truth and behave accordingly.


The past cannot be relived. You cannot undo the past. It is futile to reason. That cannot be undone.

We waste our time and energy when we ponder what might have been: "If I had..."or "If he/she had.." We must simply admit failure to ourselves, God and our spouses. Accept God's forgiveness, forgive yourself, and trust that you spouse will do the same.

Beyond that, you cannot deal with the past. You must concentrate on the future, for it is in your hands to shape. Seek to work on what you know are your weaknesses. Explore your interests. Let God teach you new things.

I should point out that I wasn't the one who said that; it's an excerpt from a weekly email from Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Languages.

But I'm glad to see that someone read it.

Lots of good stuff can be gleaned from the many different people who contribute here.

I get a text from her today that says...

"Are you gonna let me know what you get them (for X-mas) so we don't duplicate?"



I've been doing lots of Christmas shopping for the kids on my days off and I'm nearly through. I'm not of the mind to let her know what I got them! She would just use that knowledge to her benefit, and against me anyway!

Thoughts or opinions?

Ask her to meet you for a cup of coffee to go over what you got and compare lists. I see it as a opportunity to show off the New & Improved Antlers 2.0.

"Sure let's meet at __________ on ________ or ______________. We can grab a cup of coffee and compare lists."

She's pretty hostile Coach. She's ignored me on other occasions when I've invited her to meet like this. And she's told me she wants nothing to do with me when I've asked her about it. She's to the point that she's saying derogatory things to the kids about me...they've told me.

Wow Antlers, I got almost the word for word same question from my W. I also wasn't sure how to respond. If you've followed my sitch at all, you know we're not exactly on great terms right now.

I know. We're not on good terms either.

I sent the message Coach suggested...it went ignored. She texted me since then and didn't even mention it.