Why do women do this? I knew my wife for 2 years before marrying her. We made love virtually every night! She initiated sex. She flirted. She touched me. She loved to give me oral sex. She slept naked with me at night. Then 2 years into our marriage, we have our first child. She gets a hypoactive thyroid. The sex drops off to now it is once a month if I beg long enough. Oral sex from her is out of the question now, it is Gross! Do women not understand that when they marry, they are committing to being their husbands lover, FOREVER? Why do they pull this old bait and switch, pretending to be great lovers and then stopping the love after the marriage. Then why do women ACCEPT the fact that they have lost their desire, you would think that they would do anything to get it back?
Hm. You make all of this sound so premeditated and deliberate.
Just try to imagine for a few moments how you think you might feel if for no seemingly simple explanation, YOUR sexual desire dried up and went away, and that no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't get it back.
Quote: Then 2 years into our marriage, we have our first child. She gets a hypoactive thyroid. The sex drops off to now it is once a month if I beg long enough.
Is your wife being treated for her hypothyroidism? If so, a decrease in desire should not occur. I've been hypo for nearly 40 yrs, but with the med I take my desire level was not affected.
I have read where Hypothiroids are know to cause loss of libido. But since my wife is being treated, maybe that should not be a problem. She also has trouble losing weight and is slightly overweight (by HER standards, not mine) so she has body image problems. Again, the thyroid will probably make it very hard for her to ever get to the weight she wants.
How can a person enjoy performing oral sex for 4 years, and then all the sudden just decide they no longer like it. My wife knows I like it, and thus she should WANT to do this for me, just like I enjoy pleasing my wife with oral sex. I have performed oral sex on her HUNDREDS of times, and there are just as many bodily fluids exchanged when A man does a women as when a women does a man, so this "Gross" thing is for the birds.
I have to realize that I am literally bathing in testosterone, and that she is not. But how do I fix the "Desire" gap. I am willing to do ANYTHING, to work hard to change ME to her "DREAM" man, but I am scared to death that all of this very hard work I am going to embark on will still not get me the results I need, a women that "DESIRES" me. When a women loses her desire like my wife, they write it off as a cmpletely natural thing and then dismiss it. The person that must suffer for the wife's loss is NOT HER, it is the MAN that now will have to spend the rest of his life in a living hell. SHE GETS TO SPEND THE REST OF HER LIFE WITH HER LOVER, WHILE MINE IS DEAD! I do not want to be like a brother and sister, I want to be "LOVERS". My #1 need is just like most other men, "Complete sexual fullfillment." If this need can not be met, my marriage will be a FAILURE (but by my beliefs divorce is not an option).
I understand your frustration, I really do, and I will try very hard to seperate the understandable 'ranting' from your true desire to find a solution.
Let me ask you, does your wife recognize that there is a 'problem,' and does she seem willing to explore solutions with you?
Does she work full-time? Did you say you now have a two-year-old? So only one child for now?
They are 13, 11, and 8. We are incredibly busy people. Heck, I have not even dated my wife in a year. I am going to do like Michelle and change ME. I am going to work on being a conversationalist, I am going to DATE my wife, I am going to learn to listen, and work on doing everything I can around the house, and be a better father. But what scares me is I have very little belief right now that any of these things will work, I have never really been a "BAD" husband. I still remember my 10th anniversery, I took my wife away for the weekend, went to a romantic B&B, spent the whole time doing what she wanted to do, had a great time, and then in our room, we had chocolate covered strawberries and champaigne, and I took a shower and laid on the bed in a towel. My wife comes out of the bathroom in full length flannel pajamas. She then sat on the be for 2 hours or more "Cross" stitching. She even made the comment, "Isn't this nice how we can have a wonderful day like this and NOT have to have sex". I knew then my marriage was probably over! And now I have a HUGE hill to climb to somehow help her regain her desire for me.
Quote: I have read where Hypothiroids are know to cause loss of libido. But since my wife is being treated, maybe that should not be a problem. She also has trouble losing weight and is slightly overweight (by HER standards, not mine) so she has body image problems. Again, the thyroid will probably make it very hard for her to ever get to the weight she wants.
Oh boy, can I ever identify with that. Getting and keeping weight off for me has been a a life-long struggle. Will I ever get down to where *I* think I should be? Probably not. But I try to walk about 2 miles a day and I really try to limit my 'snack-y' type of foods. With hypo-thyroidism, the body doesn't distinguish between 'good' food and 'bad' food. It's all food to be stored as fat and not metabolized for energy.
I sympathize with your W on this diagnosis. Coming to it late in life is probably a lot harder to deal with than from the early teen years as I have done.
Does she have follow-up appointments with her doctor? I have had appts every six months for over 40 years. It's necessary to keep the med at the right dosage. She really should bring this up with the doctor if the drop in desire coincided with the onset of the hypothyroidism. Just because it didn't drop for me, doesn't mean another woman's desire level won't drop.
