Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Got an email from the X yesterday, whoaaaaa!

Posted that then got "i cant believe he did that. Very upsetting and have to keep happy face on for the kids. Maybe i need a restraining order. Im just bummed. I thought he could be my friend. He works for a gas comp, not a car place anymore. I will replace it. Obviously I cant keep him even as a friend"

Few more texts back and forth after that. My reply was that I better not hear anything from the kids that isnt acceptable from him and since he broke it, he will pay for it or I will ensure the proper action is taken to make sure he repairs the damage he has done. She replied with "like I would really have him around our kids after tonight". I had to go there and say "sometimes I dont know what to believe" so X was like "?What? You know I question certain things as well but I told him in Sept I didnt want to be serious"

That kinda supports my theory of wanting to keep him around as whatever until X thought she could get me to come back. Guess I should have replied with "then ask me then". I think I knew where that came from since she has asked about my friend a couple times about us every dating and accusing me of dating her back in the summer. X wants to believe there was something between us but there wasnt. Thinks she wants justification for her situation or something.

So I threw out "How did you think it would be if I would to be coming around and him still being 'a friend' during and after ours and his marriages?" I said this and it probably didnt come out like I wanted it to, but I think she knew. Sept 08, anniversary is few days into the month, so we went to dinner. It was said we ought to go back to C together, so I was on it. Well, the next night which was a Friday, she was going out of town for the weekend, and where she said, I assumed it was to her dads side of the family. I think it was him. Although she is out of town, and texting me that friday night that she wishes she was with me and the kids at the circus she got tickets for us.

Like a couple days before that, I dropped the kids off cause she didnt have to be in until 10, no I worked the night shift and stopped and got donuts for them in the morning I think. Well, anyways, I noticed some beer in the fridge. I said something, and W at the time said "thats so and so's bf beer". I thought that was quite funny since he never drinks? Well couple weeks later, I go to a race with a few buddys, and one of thems W is good friends with my W and he just happened to go to a birthday party of another of the Ws friends where this OM was. Hmmm, I think to myself. Out of anger i texted her "you are such a fake" and thats when I went to strictly business from there.

Any rate, her reply when i asked about how she thought it would be was "I dont know, guess I figured we'd drift apart and not talk if u and I were able to come together again in the future. I obviously didnt think. I mean I woulda never thought he would do that. Im just so sorry." She asks if I am still there after a while and I tell her busy with family so she wants to talk more Sunday hopefully, and I didnt want to ruin her night anymore than it had already been so I didnt say anything about not wanting to go out to eat anymore for now.

Sorry for all the quotes, just giving you a good idea about it all. Wrote more than I wanted to but wanted to get it off my chest. This doesnt get me all hostile cause I am not that way. Made me think about it for a while tho after it happened how him or both of them can pull something like this on me.

So its been a few months since I last wrote so here goes.

Have gone out to eat a few times with X. X has (or was) doing all the pursuing like I have read and been told on here to let her do, although this is how it had always been. Then X would write about "I wanted to talk to you about something I’ve been feeling… it doesn’t really feel like you want to work towards us at all. I wonder if we can be best friends as well? I need a partner that will be my best friend as well as my significant other. I know communicating is not a strong factor but it just feels like you don’t really care right now. I want someone who needs and wants me. I don’t think you do." That was like a week and a half after Xmas and my mirror still wasnt fixed.

Then 10 days later X wrote

"“you can never start over but you can always start from here”

"I hope and pray that one day our kids will have one home again. I hope you and I cannot only live as husband and wife but be best friends and enjoy what is left of our lives together. I know this will take a lot of time if it does happen, but it is my long term goal. (not TOO long- I want D to still be a kids ;-))"

We were suppose to do more and something just didnt seem right and that is why I right today. X has back off a lot, we talked about getting together and talking but that never happened. X did mention that I should write to her my feelings but I never did, figure I should talk in person.

One weekend we had an awards banquet and I went out with my friend to it and planned on going home afterwards, and I had the kids. Well they wanted to go to bar after that, and all my newphews and nieces were over staying at my parents so they had the kids covered so I went there. I am there talking to this guy I went to school with, saying that X and a couple of friends were on the way there. I said, "ya X and I talk, that would be cool to hang out with her". Well her friends showed up, which I were friends with them before I met X, so I hung out with them all night.

Well, one of the friends said she was going to call X and then told me it went straight to her voicemail. I texted X to see if she was still up and about, but no answer. Us three went to another bar, then out to breakfast, then I went home to my kids and got up when they did. So X and I were to go out to dinner later in the week. The day of X flips out thru emails with me cause she was mad that I went out to breakfast with "her" friends. X said forget dinner, blah blah blah. I explained that that friend and her husband was just with X last weekend, that I didnt know you werent friends anymore, and that she tried calling you (but obviously lied) and I tried to text you that night. Long story short, we ended up at dinner that night, then to grocery store for a few items, picked up kids from her moms, and took them all to her house.

I cant remember if we went out to dinner anymore after that, I know one night after gymnastics we did and service was horrible and wanted X to get in managers a$$ but she was polite about it. I know X tried to get me to come over on V-day, to watch Daytona 500 race with my kids and her, but I wanted to watch with my friends, not 3 people that really werent into it. Oh and day before X tried to get me to go to a mutual friends sons birthday party, but I kept telling her it would be weird. I explained it would be weird because we have barely hung out together, let alone around friends. So I dont think X liked all that rejection that weekend.

So now in the past couple of weeks, that friend X doesnt like got added to my facebook. X has been flipping out assuming things about this friend and I had to tell X although I really dont have to explain myself, that I havent ever touched this friend in any way shape or form, and that I havent answered any type of message or phone call from her since I saw her that night.

So one day X emails saying "Thank you for showing me how stupid I was to ever think I could trust you after you did what you did. Lol. Things happen for a reason, guess I forgot that. Since you have blocked me and are making it clear you want you and "friends" relationship to be a secret I am telling you if I find out those kids are around her- I WILL make sure I take legal action so it will not happen again"

X never said what I did, was assuming things. I found out that my friend added a couple of people cause he thought he was logged on as himself and started accepting people. I never told X that, just am letting her believe what X wants although I did say peoplle have been added that I had no clue that got added and X laughed at me.

So I replied probably how I shouldnt have had with "No THANK YOU for pushing me away before you ever reeled me in again! Whats been failed to realized is that I havent answered texts, calls, or any other messages from that person in I dont know how many years, let alone every touch her in any way shape or form, but assume what you will, threaten me too, I am not scared. Also, friends get added to my facebook that I dont personally accept, and she was one of them. Sorry for not deleting her for you yet. I have talked to other people and they have said the same thing about people being added that they havent accepted."

So the next day X says "I’m sorry. I tend to overreact when feelings are hurt. I was just hurt you blocked me after accepting her. It’s very stupid really. Truth is it has been great getting along with you and has been healthier for everyone, especially our kiddos! Your friends are your choice- regardless of how I feel."

I just left it at that. Kinda repeated myself before quoting it but thats me.

So anyways, lastnight my S is talking to my nephew about these whatever pets they have out now getting stuck in OM's D hair. I listen for a second and couldnt help myself and ask "when was this". S says "lastweek, but no you dont want to know about so and so". Cause I told him a long while ago I dont know OM and his D so dont talk about them. S tried to back peddle and I shouldnt have probed but I did, and I didnt lose sleep over it. Just confirmation of how true my X's words have been since I havent seen any action.

X wanted to "hang out soon" or something. This was a few weeks back so I say "what happened to a night out soon?" All you gotta do is ask X said thru emails. X had mentioned something about hockey game so I tried that, and got "well my mom watched the kids lastnight so I could go to a work dinner, dont think she will wont to watch them again" Thats pretty much when I said to myself, ok, just sit back and see what happens and let X see how for real she is some more.

So thats that all mumble jumble. Time to leave work and go pick up kids.

Few things I forgot to mention.

X doesnt say hi or bye anymore when I pick up kids from her. Seems X has to have somebody in her life no matter how bad she sh$t talks them, like she did OM to me and I am sure he has heard quite some stuff about me. I think X thought I was going to kiss her a$$ and bend over backwards for her to come running back to me. Truthfully, I fought for the M while it was going thru the D, but I guess I am not over that or X so anyone right now isnt going to win me over.

At times I think how great it would be to have the family back, as X once mentioned and I told her its not about us as a family, we have to work on you and me first. Just crazy how feelings change so quickly on X's side. Shows me there is a lot of old X there and just let nature and X run thier course.

Sometimes I think about how it would be and think about the old times, and I know I shouldnt think like that cause if you think like that, that is how it probably will be. Guess what I am saying, is that X's intentions seemed good, but couldnt follow thru with them.

Oh and about the facebook stuff, X isnt even my friend on there but I hear about this or that (like blocking her which I did when I first got on there, then we started going out to eat and I unblocked her but never became my friend on there although she mentioned it a few times. Then after this whole "friend" deal, I changed my settings around so X thinks she is blocked again). I just her stuff from X so it shows me that she is on fb trying to dig stuff up and then assumes things and that is what happened on this deal with that "friend".

Sometimes I am not around X and think "man, we could do this". Then sometimes I get around X and think "here is why I am glad we arent together".

Thats all for now, sure will think of stuff later today again.

It really doesn't sound like your really into her anymore so what's left to rebuild.

The FB thing. I'm glad I'm not friends with stbx. I snooped a lot before Christmas just to see if there was an OM -- couldn't find proof of one -- but my brain would go crazy over every little thing.

Now, the less I know about what she's doing the better.

If you don't want a R with X back waaaaayyyy off.