Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Need Some Qwik Advice

And she may...because that's what she's seen and known in her FOO. Or, or, or...she may take the other path and plow through reconciliation with you. Here comes her true character to the surface - you'll get to see who you are married to - and decide if that's really who you want to walk this world with.

Greek

Thanks Greek,
That turned the light on, your right.

Another text @ Lunch from her "Can I come Home?"

She than called and asked.

I said you know the answer - " If the affair is still going on- No"

She said there was another call coming in and she would call me back.

She did 6 times I didn't answer.

I felt if the other call was more important than our discussion than I would return the behavior to her and not answer.

Pissy? Immature - what do you all think?

First of all...WOW!

Second...now what? In my opinion, it shouldn't be as easy as W:"Can I come home?" YOU: "Is the A over?" W:"Yes." YOU:"Come home." I think there needs to be a careful discussion about transparency, MC, boundaries. Everyone must agree and comply or it won't work.

Third...took another call in the middle of THAT? Unless she works at a suicide hotline, I think you sent the right message by not answering her call-backs. Geeeeez, woman!

Now...you could take her next call only to say that if she is serious, you want to have a face to face about it. Make the arrangements for that and leave it at that.

WOW.

Get ready. B/c if y'all do start putting this thing together, there is a lot of TOUGH work to do. But you could possibly end up with the happiest marriage you can't even imagine.

Greek

Well we had that very discussion, kinda.

She asked why I didn't answer- I threw a dart I said -" Your personal phone bill is more than my companies phone bill, you spent more time talking to SIL, GF, OM and your receptionist than I. And when we are discussing our relationship again it is more important for you to talk to D's gymnastics coach? Sorry, let's see who else would agree with that being acceptable."

She said " I don't know why you even want me around?"

She did sleep here last nite. She passed out from cold meds and slept with kids. She is sick and doesn't look good.

She will be here all weekend, I am gonna stick to previous plan, only calling to speak to kids and maybe small talk if she pursues it.

I hope allowing her to stay wasn't a rulebreaker, it was really a concious decision to not allow her to leave under the influence. She's never really drank alcohol so cold meds do knock her in the dirt.

Pass or Fail??

Pass because you made it clear that with the A, there is no point in her coming back.

I agree with the above statement about transparency. It can't e just, Oh come home now cause you said it's over. I recommend intenese marriage counseling, both together and apart.

S,

When she first kicked me to the curb I begged her to try something -preacher, counseling, books, etc. she still opted for seperation.

Now after reading DR I understand that was not the correct behavior but how do i lead her to counseling. She does not look upon that very favorably. I think mainly because her BGF was in counseling and found out her H was in another affair. They started MC because ha had admitted to A several years prior, than during MC she discovered he was having another!

Kinda Ironic is that W thinks her GF's H is a piece of sh*t and has big problems when she is guilty of the same behavior!

Anyway do I just go individually and watch to see what happens? I have read that in DR, but it seems to me that some progress needs to be made here first.

I dunno - talk to me!

You take control, Lay down what is acceptable for her to move back in and start working on the R and M. Total Transparency?, NO contact? weekly MC? IC for you and her?

What are you going to do if she balks on any of your conditions? Make a plan.

Burt

By the way, you did pass the test.

Over,

For now, go to counselling by yourself. Do it and soon. It will help to get all of this off your chest.

You have already told her what the deal is... affair = it's not going to work between you guys. She has got to let OM go. If she doesn't, too bad, so sad for her.

When she finally decides what's more important to her, if it's you, then bring up the MC.

Is she still in constant contact with OM? What does his wife say?

I"m fairly certain she told him it was over and here is why -

Text from OM to me- "This wont mean anything to you but i'm gonna say it anyway. I am sorry for what I put you through. I am sorry for any sadness I caused your children. You nor they deserve it.I hope you know how lucky you are to have her, Again, I am sorry for what i did to you"

Unfortunately what I did with it later has caused a stir again.

For me that apology does nothing more than clear his concious. It does nothing for my children and what they have heard and seen. Nothing for what W and I have been thru. W is a mess.

She says she still has feelings- a caring for him and probably always will. She has said that it is a struggle for her to be home because of those feelings and because of what happened. She is/nor was like that and cannot forgive herself.

Very hard to hear your W say some of the things I heard this weekend.