Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers 7 months in but still a mess.

Steve I have been thinking the same thing. I actually had a "girlfriend" for a couple months. She did get jealous and as soon as there was signs that she could fit back in she tried.

I am not sure how my counselor sees this working out but I am not really worried about it. I am willing to try anything once. So I will see what happens. I know that my back up plan is exactly that. Dump her hard.

It has changed over the last couple months from wanting my W back to wanting my family back. I so am not looking forward to being a part time dad. I am also flying solo in the adoption so that is not much fun either. But I have not had many problems with other woman. One week from today and I will see what the deal is. Then try something else.

I have noticed that as soon as I am her friend she responds nicely to it. Then in a very happy way she will make sure she takes the next step in the divorce.

Good times. One week. Maybe I will be her best friend and date at the same time

“Hey how was work… great. ..Tonight I am going out with that fitness instructor I was telling you about. … Yup… have a good night!.. Sure I will call you later. Oh by the way I got those papers signed like you wanted me to.”

I would like to hear what the opinion on this board is. She is coming over to my house so we can talk parenting plan and sign paperwork.

I am thinking I will just sign and not really say much about it. She may feel like I just do not care if I do not try to talk her out of it or at least acknowledge it. Is there something I should say? Just let it be? Tell her "I am glad to sign it, you are freaking crazy and the sooner I get you gone the better!"

What have you tried? What has worked?

Signing something without consulting legal counsel first? Not smart.

You need to protect yourself; divorce is an adversarial process, and she is not your ally in this.

Tell her that you'll get with your attorney as soon as possible to review the paperwork, and you'll get back to her.

Very wise advice. Listen to TrentC.

OK. I am not current on your sitch, I'll give you my POV.

"Equal and frequent" is best for the children. Having a solid firm landing ground in writting is import when disagreements happen. Know what you want BEFORE seeing her proposal.


You have not even seen what you are signing!!!! It is important NOT TO SIGN IT, take your time to read it (a week or more), review it with others and then A RESPONSE.

"I need time to review this and will get back to you"


"I do not want D. I see many other options, but if this is the only way for you to be happy, I will not stand in your way"


Patience,Boundaries,Forgiveness

I have been able to review the documentation and have had it for a week already. There is lots of stuff I want to change and she sounds like she will be on board.

We are shooting for equal and frequent. We are trying to get as close to 50/50 as possible.

I like what you say about "not standing in the way". Nothing I can do.

I have had my layer review most of the paperwork so I am not going at this with my eyes closed thank goodness.

She fired her lawyer so this is pretty much just us working on details and then I will get it reviewed.

OK. That is much better. Let me know what else I can do to help.

Well the visit was not what I had planned. I was very calm for most of it. But... I did ask why we were getting divorced again since we never tried to work it out.

OOOPs. That was so dumb. EVERYONE please take note, this is stupid. Never ask that question. She will tell you if she wants to when she wants to. This just puts pressure on her. Not the right move.

So then she starts being mean. I say "I think it is time for you to go." I then stood up and made for the door. She said "are you for real?" I replied "as soon as you are ready to be nice I would be glad to talk to you."

That shifted things and she apologized. There was a couple other times that I did dumb stuff but most of it is hindsight. I was not trying to save the relationship I was just letting her know that she is the one walking away. She tried to criticize my decision to adopt my daughter after she left, saying I was selfish. I called her on that saying that it was none of her business and I am just keeping my promise and looking out for my family. She is the one splitting the family up.

Got a very "happy" reaction from her when she heard about the two woman I was now starting to date. Both are young fitness instructors and all of a sudden she lit up and started telling me how proud she was of me for all the things that I have improved in my life.

It was very strange, but not completely unexpected. She is still pushing for the divorce. She called me a couple times and I was not available. She wrote me a email saying she was having a hard day and did was not in the mood to talk.

Then instead of her calling every night like she normally does she has had my daughter call. Last night she was telling my daughter in the background "ask if he wants to come to your swimming lesson."

I could be reading way too much into this but I think telling her that I was dating as well as telling her that I did not think she was super great, and that I am not that into her did something.

Not sure if in the long run it will pay off but at least I got a couple things off my chest in an appropriate way.

Live and learn I guess.

Hmmm, I'll have to keep this in mind. I don't think anyone's put it quite like that...

(Seriously, though, I'm sorry you learned that lesson the hard way.)

In reviewing the last interaction with my wife I realized one more thing. She is still not emotionally over the OM. She cried a couple times when talking about him. Even though they were only together for a couple months she still has a lot of feelings for him and still believes that he was her soul mate.

This sort of leaves me in a crappy spot. She was dumped by him and now the dirt bag guy will be this idealized person for who knows how long. She never really even got to know him she just created this world in her imagination around him.

Hard to battle the fantasy she created in her mind. Maybe in time more reality will sink in and she will get it. It seems that is it is going to be a long ways off.