Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy WAW on suicide watch, what now???

It is a hard day for me, the weekend was very difficult for my family. My grandmother on my father's side died last night. Myself and D13 were able to make it to see her on Saturday before she passed. However, 16 hours of driving in 2 days unfortunately gave me nothing to do but think about my sitch and not do things to focus on me, in addition my W and I have had contact more and more. The communication with my W has been good but it is making me yearn for her again. I am focusing more on her in the conversations but I need to be more upbeat which has been hard over this weekend and the knots in the stomach are back. I know it will pass during work today.

Need advice here.... I spoke to her breifly on the phone last night after S9 spoke w/ her before bedtime (normal) I knew my W wanted to see my S9 on Tuesday night for dinner. We needed to talk about the pick up and drop off. I told her that I could drop him off at her workplace to give them more time together but that she would need to bring him home and drop him off, but I would not be there because I had "plans", D13 will get him to bed (school night). While I do not have "plans" with another person (date), I have plenty of things to do and could always catch a movie to stay out later (not that she would know). I plan to be dressed for a "date" when I drop of S9. I don't want to lie, but how should I respond to possible questions about what I will be doing or who I will be with?

Just say you were out. And if she presses. State None of your business.

Agreed. It's absolutely none of her business.

WAS's are not in the position, within the M, to be asking you about anything to do with your private life. They walked away.

I do not even think she will ask where or who but I know I got under her skin when I told her I had plans tomorrow night. She was supposed to take S9 again on Thursday night but now says she has plans. This feels so much like a game boys and girls play in high school, tit for tat. That is fine, for now I will play the game. I don't have an actual "date" tomorrow but I am looking forward to getting out and not have to worry so much about the kids.

Our contact is increasing more and more, I am remaining upbeat and positive when speaking with her. Today however I did have to let her know that since she was not contributing anymore money to the household account that I was not going to be able to continue to pay the bills that belong to her. I was not rude or anything, infact I would say I was polite but firm. This really upset her and she said she could not concentrate and now would have trouble working the rest of the day. I was polite and validated her feelings by saying "I understand not being able to concetrate at work". I went on to say that I had to make decisions that are best for me and the kids now. I then asked if she was planning on supporting the kids financially in the future. This really got her going but I was still polite and firm. I feel like I am back in the driver's seat tonight and not along for the ride no matter what happens.

She's ticked off It is a game. Don't play the game is my advice. If you play the game, you can lose. If you don't play she can only lose.

Have you not got fixed schedules when the kids are with her? If not, why not fix them? If you do, and she is scheduled to take them on Thursday then her new plans are irrelevant. If she makes plans when she has the kids, she also makes plans for a babysitter.



EXCELLENT!

She is getting a taste of what it's like to be on the other side of the fence now. WAS pay child support. WAS don't get their bills paid by the LBS. WAS have financial problems.

I did not lose my temper with her over the phone but none the less she hung up when the short conversation turned to her getting my S9 home on time for a school night. P17 you are more than right and I think I was avoiding all the typical divorce parents issues, visitation, neutral exchange points, homework, etc. etc. etc. I am just a little pissed right now b/c she does not have to deal with tired kids in the morning when getting them off to school b/c they got to bed too late. I did not want to go the route of the escalating arguments about money, kids, visitation, etc. I guess that after reading DR and being here I could somehow avoid all this S&*t, and potentially save my M.
It is time to set some big time BOUNDRIES until we settle a separation agreement.
I am more than detatched right now, I definitely don't want this person back in my life. I don't know how I will feel in the morning but I know I am doing what is best for my kids. This is officially VENTING for those of you reading.

Don't see that as a chore (and I know this may sound daft) but see it as a blessing that you get to do that stuff in the morning. I wish I did again (my D lives with me only at weekends at the moment).

Your W doesn't get to do this anymore. She may see this as a blessing but I think, given the choice, she'd rather deal with the tired grumpy kids in the morning that what she is doing currently.

Me too. I would love to have that chore. I have no kids. I would love to just have the chance just once.

Your very lucky.

Actually, when we were together I was always the one to get the kids ready to go to school, fix breakfast, make lunches, etc. Don't get me wrong I love my old wife but she was/is semi-lazy, I knew that when I met her 18 years ago. But I definitely let it eat at me for the last 5 or 6 years I would say that I let it become an issue we/I never resolved and was one of the discords in our M.
I don't see taking care of the kids as a chore, I am blessed that I have them, the house, and all the other trappings of a nice "family" life w/o the wife. My W not only is a WAW but she is a walk away mother. No one can understand why she does not want to be with her kids more or fight to be with them. Not once has she asked me to move out of the house so she could move back in to be with the kids. Look back in my sitch, my D13 knows everything, multiple OM, and the lies my W told her. My D13 hates her mother, which is presenting a problem for the "family" this Christmas. S9 wants Mom here on Christmas morning but D13 does not, S9 is very upset and is coming to grips with the strong possibility of D. D13 is ready for Mom and Dad to D, she does not want to see her mother ever again.

I think I am dealing with an extreame case of WAW with multiple OM, I pity her b/c she is truly sick or addicted to sex/attention from men. I feel like she really does not miss the kids that much. I think she treats my S9 like a pet, she will visit him once in a while and play with him but does not yearn to care for him. It is as if she never had them as babies and never established that mother child bond. I do get tired of hearing the same old "but she will always be their mother" . I feel that when men leave the R with kids he is abandoning them but if it is the woman then somehow she was forced out, or that she really wants to be with them but can't. BullS*&t, mothers can disconnect from their children just as easily as men do. We do not want to acknowledge it b/c everyone loves their mother and can not imagine their mother doing what my W has done, as if they are not capable of being as big of 'PIGS' as men are so often labeled as being. VENTING again, sorry.

Last night I was definitely mad but did not let it control my words or actions, my W hung up me when she started to lose control. This morning I had to call her to split the day b/c S9 was having stomach ache and needed to stay out of school. Asked my W if she would come over to the house to be with him the first part of the day and then I the second. ( We both have missed a lot of work) Turns out S9's stomach was just him being upset about the sitch and Christmas coming up, and whether or not Mom is going to be there Christmas morning. Welcome to divorce land.
My W and I spoke today and agreed to meet at starbucks Saturday morning early to discuss talking to D13 who hates her mother. This will be in effect a R discussion, daunting for me b/c I know we are not supposed to do that but I need my D13 and my W to reconcile b/c it is affecting my S9. I believe my sitch is very unique, so I pulled the trigger on a DB coach today. Our first coaching session is on Friday. Has anyone out there had a DB coaching session? Do you feel like it helped?