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Actually, I don't think that was bad at all. You opened with a great version of "this is your mess; you need to clean it up," and you ended it with some strong honesty, truth darts, and overall a very principled stand."

for now, you do NOTHING. If she keeps badgering her, tell her to STOP badgering you, and tell her "this is your mess; you need to clean it up. You know what you need to do." Do NOT delineate it for her, or she will ONLY do those few specific steps you specify.

When she tries to deny an affair, stop her. "STOP IT. We both know you're lying right now, and it's very disrespectful. If you keep lying to me, I'm hanging up (or leaving, or whatever)."

Do 20% of the above, and 80% dark/dim, take 3 advil and call me in the morning.

Puppy

A: "I agree. I do get angry when my wife is having an affair. There have been no second thoughts about my position on that."

I'll be out of town for the next 3 days - DARK the whole time and just call D's cell to talk to kids? She will be here so, initially this was her weekend to move out.

Overburdened... don't know a lot about what's going on, but you sounded strong, confident, and steady. Congrats

You can call her and ask for the kids. OK to make small-talk (weather, current events, etc.), like you would with the mailman. You don't want to appear pissy, petulant or passive-aggressive. BUT NO "R" TALK, and no husbandly rescuing/caring.

IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO MAKE HER FEEL BETTER RIGHT NOW ABOUT HER POOR DECISIONS (and okay to even use that as a "truth dart" with her if it's in context).

make sense??

Puppy

This.



You are doing great.
Cheers

Yes I understand Pup but I feel like it has came along way in a short time.

I don't want to miss the opportunity to reconcile when she offers it. She is not going to say - " I am ready to reconcile", "move past this", " let's get on with making our marriage work" etc, etc.

That ain't her, I am going to have to recognize her effort/signal or it will be wasted.

Correct. And if W calls you, let it go to VM. If you are not too busy LATER, you may call her. Dose her with the brutal reality of what she has infected your M with. It's real. No rescues. No bail outs. If y'all put a bandaid on this NOW, you'll have full blown CANCER later. And you are the one who has to hold that line. She's squirming so much now - just wants the pain and discomfort to STOP. Too easy. Both of you have to work through this and you are the voice of strength.
Greek

I can do that, it's hard, but I can do that.

The thing is, her WHOLE family has done this (and it is a big family - 3 bros, 3 sister's), excluding her Mom (whom she is the most like.)All have married, or are still seeing the OM or OW.

I am afraid she will take the path of least resistance.

Shouldn't have done that. Pass that last post by, Has nothing to do with a solution. Sorry Folks.