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Smells like OM to me.

I have to agree. A year and a half with her not willing to respond to the changes means she's got someone else who is fulfilling at least some of her needs.

At the very least, you need to go dark to her and see if she responds to that.

Good input. I don't believe there is anyone else. She has always denied it. Continues to even now. I can't be sure, of course. I'm sure there will be soon. Just for the experience. This is a moot conversation if that happens. I put my foot down and said any infidelity means divorce, even now. I can be flexible and change, but not with that.

The only person she seems to be close to is the newly divorced woman across the street. They party all the time, go to bars, talk/text all the time like 16 year olds. Even her language has dropped to a 16 year old level

Her honeymoon (6 months of fun) is probably short-lived. I have the house and the kids. She works for the first time in our marriage and hasn't taken on enough hours to pay bills.

So the best idea is to move on and let her go? Her personality is such that she probably wouldn't let me know even if she wanted to come back. Afraid I would reject her. Afraid of the hurt she has caused. Of course, we would have a lot of work to do before I would even think of taking her back.

Stay the course. No contact. For good?

First rule: cheaters lie.



And there's no chance that she and her newly-single friend aren't painting the town red? Or that not all of the texts she gets are from her gal-pal?

Jeff, my advice would vary greatly depending on whether or not there was OM involved. Since you haven't verified that, I'm sorry I can't be of more help to you.

Puppy

I'm sure it's possible. I wouldn't be surprised. How does this play into what I should do? If she is with someone else, she is with someone else. I don't know. I won't know until she puts it out in the open. How does this change my course of action? As of right now, I don't BELIEVE she is.

The thing to keep in mind is that, if there is an OM, then your wife cannot work on reconciling with you; she's in the fog of love, and her emotions are tangled up with the other man.

Puppy Dog Tails is much better at affair-detecting and affair-busting advice.

How could it NOT?

Legally, financially, emotionally, medically, the dynamics are all very different. And while you still want to do 180s, GAL, and some of the other DB basics, how "aloof" I would recommend you be in responding to her would be affected by what she was doing, and with whom.

Someone seriously confused, and/or responding to legitimate marital complaints, needs WOOING. Someone in an affair, and LYING about it to you . . . eh, not so much.

Just my opinion.

Puppy

I do not believe she was having an affair while we were together. I think that my treatment of her (based on my own lack of communication), her inability to share her feelings, and certain events in her life (brother died, friend murdered, self-esteem issues/depression) led her to a grass is greener/what if life crisis. She could see the changes I made, but thinks it's too late. 11 years takes a lot to undo. She needs this time apart to realize what she has.

I understand giving her room. I understand the implications of an affair. If she is not having one, couldn't prolonged no contact make it easier to drift apart. Couldn't this even lead to an affair, if she thinks I've moved on completely and is lonely