Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy WAW on suicide watch, what now???

Sandi,
Thanks for the advice, I see on the journaling thing. I do value the advice from everyone on this forum. I feel like I can relate what is going on with my WAW and get a unique perspective from others who are interested in saving their marriage instead of giving up. I get enough of the "give up" attitude from friends and family.

I agree with keeping on here for support. The past few days I haven't been really reading posts and talking more with friends and getting a hopeless attitude. I'm also going to quit discussing it w friends because all I'm getting is "get a D".

Glad I caught up on your thread.

DBD,
I have been following yours too. I don't want to dwell on the sitch with friends and family but it helps to talk it out or a least I feel a little better. I know it is not part of GAL and I need to not talk with others about it, I am trying to limit myself to this forum and truly try to be happy all the time. Defnitely a mind game with myself sometimes. Sometimes it is easy and I don't even think about IT, but I need more of those times and less of when I do think about IT. It is hard when you have the kids and it is pretty much in your face. The WAS doesn't have to deal with the day to day of raising the kids.

Rollercoaster ride today that ended okay, I think?? My Mom is in town to help out and take care of the kids, so I took advantage and went out to the Mall to do some Christmas shopping. My W works in a big dept. store as her pt job. I was in the same store tonight looking at new suits (nothing fits after you lose 70 lbs.) I texted her to get her 20% discount on purchases. After I let her know I was in the store and asked if it was okay to come up to get a list of gifts the kids could get her for Christmas. She agreed if that was the only thing we talked about. We ended up talking for 15-20 minutes, but I did most of the talking. My mistake, I realized this about ten minutes in and asked her about work and she opened up like a flower!! All she has ever wanted is someone to listen to her and it is so easy to do. We ended on a positive note and I look forward to seeing her again on Saturday for exchange of S9. Got to remember to talk less and ask about her. Could this be another glimmer of hope. I am not getting my hopes up, I am going to saty the course.

Good for you! I don't think there is anything much to add to what you've figured out yourself from that last contact. In short....she wants to be heard. She doesn't want to discuss R (made that clear).

Trying to act happy is hard and feels fake when a M is in trouble. Don't think about it as acting "happy", but think of it as outshining whatever opposes the M. She has been dreading to be around you b/c she knew she wouldn't be able to escape you bringing up the stitch at some point. So.....you've got to practice being upbeat and showing a positive personality. It's about the hardest thing to do but it is a form of fighting for your M. So keep that thought when you feel yourself going down. You have to fight......and you do it by putting your best foot forward. I'll bet that is what attracted her the first time you dated her!

Sandi,
Thanks again for the advice. You are right, it is really hard to be completely upbeat. Easy for the quick exchanges but you tend to fall back into your "old self", when the conversion begins to open up. I realize that is why GAL has to be for real or else the WAS will see right through it.
During our conversation I remembered a little too late. I had asked how her job was going and she admitted that it was not what she expected, and showed that she was down in the dumps and she started to expand upon that when she had to go help a customer. I decided that I should make my exit, I said I had to go and we could talk later. I left enough "necessary" conversation out there so we will have to talk again. Plus we will have to exchange my S9 tomorrow.
I want every interaction, every contact, every thing I do from here on out to be perfect, "by the book". The "man" or the "fixer" in me wants to hurry up the process and move on to the next step. While I have read all of DR, I am living in LRT and I suspect I will be there a while. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

The sooner the LBH can start to focus on how he can be a better person (man), the sooner he starts to feel a lot better. His self-esteem begins to grow and his personality takes on a new shine. It does help to get out and socialize, b/c if you don't then all you can think about is the stitch. Look at it this way.....when you are helping yourself...you are helping the M.

As somebody who has only started the journey for changing me, I can 100% agree with what Sandi says.

Focusing on your changes gives you a huge amount of power and control over your life. Your self-esteem rockets and your personality starts to reappear again.

Me, I was always Mr. Comedian with everybody laughing with me. My late mum used to say that about me and how I had changed in the last year or so in my M. I'm almost back to Mr Comedian again, the old me is back.

Focusing on yourself and not the M is incredibly difficult but absolutely essential.

I agree too. I am now focusing solely on changing me and being strong for my kids. I do feel more power and control. I had given up too much of myself.

Sandi, P17 & DBD,
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I am committed to improve myself physically, mentally and socially. I used to be the life of the party so to speak and in the past couple of years my W and I were the “social center” of our neighborhood. I want to be that person again but I need to find that person in a different setting, that is in an individual setting not in a couples environment. I know it will happen in time as does everything, the whole time and patience thing is the real work for me. I am focusing on my kids as they are with me and some days I don’t have a choice but to focus on them. I want to get past Christmas so that I can not feel guilty about taking time out for me, I think we all put too much pressure on ourselves during the holidays and given what “we” are all going through makes it even harder.