Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Calling out the Piecers

Well, the chance percentage just went up massive.

Long story short, after I thought my XW was pulling my leg about going out to a concert club we used to frequent on Thursday nights, we ended up there, ALL NIGHT, laughing, joking, talking, serious talking, cuddling and "made out" like old times, several times.

She understands the boundry of NC with OM and even offered up to oust a few 'friends' who were detrimental to the destruction of our M.

It was amazing, no other word amazing. It sadened me to think, my god when was the last time kissed XW?

The ball is definately in motion now.

DDay,

Since it seems like you ar about to enter piecing I'm going to post to you here instead of your scatter shot threads all over the place; which by the way...annoying to keep track of you.

I read the one in Divorced and Done.

Congrats.

It almost seems too good to be true.

I hope that sentence made you think.

Here is the other one I want you to think about.

Fool me once shame on you; fool me twice shame on me.

At the speed you are going, if you get hurt it is going to be your fault.

I am NOT raining on your parade. I am very happy for you, I also want this to work for you.

When there is construction on a road you don't race down it at 80 mph, you go slowly while it is being repaired.
DDay, do not get hurt.

You are rebuilding something important here, and slow work lasts. I am speaking from my experience here man, and seeing what happens to DBers who end up back here. Slow changes stick.

Don't end back here, make this last. You improve your chances with going slowly.

Yeah, I know, one of the few times I'm guilty of that, sorry, really, really tired. And a couple of newer posters were anxious to know if things are going in good direction and give them some hope/insperation, I believe one of them is the thread you elude to. I will close up my main thread in 'Surviving', I'm fairly certain this is my home now.

It in a way it does almost seem to good be true, but we've been up this road a few times and never got any results other than constant bickering as we both were still searching out inner issues. Last night, all issues were laid to rest, all of them. All faults were admitted and taken in by the other and accepted.

The speed of things, well in the case of last night, I think we were both just very eomtionally charged to get this all out and over with and finally headed down the path we both know is the right one. undoubtedly, there will be bumps, I expect that, and will remind myself daily that it's not the end of the world. However, due to mainly being concious of not throwing the kids through another loop, things need to go a steady pace. And, as much as she denies it, XW does need to spend some time and get over OM, I was the voice of reason on the subject quite a few times last night. Lastly, our living arrangements prohibit the ability for anything drastic to occur, so a safety by infinate design I guess.

This says nothing to the fact that XW must abide my NC boundry with OM. To make it "fair in love and war" as they say, I have prepared a NC letter of my own to a'friend with benefits' that developed some time after the A and S and although not mentioned last night by XW, will no doubt be a issue for her in due time, so I'm a step ahead and giving her a model to write her letter to OM from as she's not the best writer out there.

I certainly do not want to get hurt again, I stressed that last night, and that I will be watching out for myself for some time, and I will need reassurance from XW that the NC is being upheld. This is going to be a deal breaker. XW understands this. That said, we're a good half year at minimum from anything 'semi-permanent' to completely evolve which I think is also a vast of time for her to deal with any and all OM issues that she need to clense her self of.

here's my NC letter, critiques?:

"FWB,

I am sending you this letter as although I have personally elected not to speak with you in nearly two months, you continue to call my place of work, personal phone, text message, and send postal mailings. All communication in any form must cease immediately.

Although the establishment of our friendship dates after the physical separation of myself and then wife (XW), we were still legally married, deeming aspects of our friendship as inappropriate. A similar letter in nature will also be written to the person inappropriately involved with (XW) to cease his communication with her as (XW) has come forth with the desire to repair our friendship, family and most of all, personal relation with each other to whatever degree may result. Logically, to ease the difficult task of restoring trust to a whole loving relationship with (XW), my association with you can no longer exist and must be terminated.

Therefore, upon receipt of this letter, please respect our desires to rebuild a healthy and loving relationship free of worry that either (XW) or I be in contact with persons detrimental to our efforts. This includes, but is not limited to all phone contact: voice or data, e-mails, and postal mail. Should you either see myself, (XW), our children or any combination forth mentioned in public, respectfully seek an alternate path to avoid confrontation.

This letter has been read and personally sent certified mail by (XW) as I shall do the same hers to ensure that no contact by any means shall occur with to those deemed as inappropriate and unacceptable to each other.

It is my hope that life grants you all it has to offer and wish you well."

DDay,

Are you sure you want critiques of this?

Well, I've never had to write anything of the sort before, so, let 'er rip.

dday out [stocking the bomb shelter with non-parishables]

Your letter sounds clinical, elitist and written by a copyright lawyer.

Nothing wrong with copyright lawyers...btw.

Why not just keep it really simple?

FWB,

Me and my wife are working on our relationship, for us and our children. It is not possible to rebuild our marriage if you are in my life. I am sorry for the pain I caused, you do not deserve it.


Given a chance most people do the right thing DDay. Lets hope that FWB does.

She doesn't need to know that your wife is doing the same thing with her OM. You don't need to tell her how you're rebuilding. You don't need to tell her how to act in public...

I do have question for you...about you. Are you controlling? Has that been a complaint in the past?

lol, ok, that wasn't as bad what I thought I was going to get. I used to administer retirement plans and had to write tons and tons of professional letters, I guess it really wore in to me.



lolx2, Far from it. My XW would consistantly complain the exact opposite, that she wished I took more control.

It certainly showed in this letter.

BTW break up letter, good for your wife to see, but lame punk way of ending a relationship. She, your friend, deserves the chance to rip into you or get some answers face to face. If your wife is worth it, then this lady deserves it, and you need to be man enough to take it.



Well, since I was worried that you might be one of those OCD control freaks, she must love the new alpha you. : ) That was a compliment, honest. : )

Nah, it's not a 'break up letter'. I have tried to get this person out of my life on several occasions. The 'relationship' was over months ago, she just hasn't gotten the message.

When I started seeing my IC in the beginning of October, she said I should definately disconect from this person entirely, was very bad for my morale and yet there was absolutely nothing going on between us for months and months, kind of like a "fatal attraction" thing, and just won't go away. And I told this person all along, no attachments.