Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers 7 months in but still a mess.

What do you want to accomplish? STRENGTH, CONFIDENCE, SELF-RESPECT are those your top three?

If they aren't, you seriously need to ask yourself why they aren't.

Without those things, you will never hold to anyone of value.

i just signed papers. NO tears NO long winded speeches. As a matter of fact i am sitting on her couch now. Probably going to spend the night. Probably not.

She was so quick to sign the papers. But now she has to turn then in.

I too believe she doesn't truly want the D but her one track mind does not allow her to do otherwise.

She has said on my occasions that if after we divorce we end up back together then it was meant to be. I don't know what that means but ok.

The only thing keeps grinding in my heart is the fact that she has a crush on this old boyfriend and he is not giving her the time of day. Personally i think that the more he rejects her the more she wants him. I should take his medicine. Cuz it works for him.

But whatever. She cares enough about me to still take care of me when im sick. There is something there. I just need to be patient. something i am not. Everyone around her tells her its a mistake. But only she will know if it is or not.

I feel lost right now. But i hope that will fade away soon.

You know what works. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. It is counter intuitive.

the more I reject her the more she wants ME.

Of course it bothered me that she has made the choices she made. I guess that I am willing to forgive her. She is very impulsive and that is one of the things I like about her. I am not going to lie though it hurts really bad and I am not sure how our marriage would be in the future but I am willing to see.

I am maybe just ignoring the truth but I feel that this is not who she really is. She said those things to hurt me and to push me away and not really because she wants them or that it is the truth.

She is lost and confused and I believe that she will wake up. Being divorced is not fun. The extra work and extra person in the next relationship is garbage. I guess I am trying to avoid that. That is what I want to accomplish. I want my family to be whole; I want to be able to see my daughter every day. I want to be able to say that I did everything I could to save the marriage.

Those are my top 3.

And you are missing another "reality" that is going over your head regarding rejecting..

She is also rejecting you and you keep wanting her...

So, to ME.. The reality is that the people that are doing the rejecting are the ones that have the other person that is chasing.....

THINK DEEPLY about that..

You are getting rejected and you keep trying.
SHE is getting rejected and she keeps trying...

You are the one trying with her and it isn't working.
SHE is the one trying with him and it isn't working...



FOLLOW REALITY.. Reality is your friend...


Now.. This is a fairly normal phenomenon in relationships. Most people just can't or won't accept the reality..

Who on this site are the ones "trying" the most?

The rejected ones... The ones who keep trying....


Your answer is to STOP trying.. Go out get a life and have some fun. Start interacting with the opposite sex. And have the TIME of your life. Let her think you could care less who she sees or who she is with.....

Go read the thread from the new WS.. I think her name is Soleil....

She says she was the WAW.. She now wants to reconcile..
That means her husband was the BS, right?

don't analyze what she has done or did, but observe how HE has handled her leaving.. Notice that he didn't beg. Notice that he put her stuff out in the yard and called her and told her to come get her stuff. Notice that HE did the initial filing of papers and such....

He has done the COMPLETE opposite of what people on this site do...

Notice though, that SHE wants HIM back and now SHE feels rejected even though SHE left...

REALITY GUYS.. follow reality..

reality shows over and over and over that hanging in there, chasing, pursuing and acting all nicey nice does NOT work....

Soleil LEFT.. He did basically nothing to get her back and look who is NOW not sure.. HER..THE WAW..

Think about it ...

Why is it so hard to understand this? REJECT HER. She needs to be rejected by you.

Gucci, one question,
are you soleil's husband?

LOL!

Seriously though, I wonder if soleil's hubby is on this forum and he pieced together the things to do from the various threads on this forum and successfully db'd his marriage.

Basically I think the idea is this, follow the value.
When you're pursuing someone, you are directly or indirectly communicating that this person has value and you want it.

When you stop pursuing it and move on with your life, you pretty much de-value (if that's even a word) that person so much that they aren't worth your time & effort. You basically raised your value to just as good or better.

Human nature: we want what we can't have.

If you're the LBS, reject your WAS, move on, start dating, live a great life. If they want you back, they will pursue you and you have to make them work for it - if you just give yourself easily, you screw up the value scheme - this person wasn't as valuable as I thought, I got them too easily, there was no effort involved.

And if they don't want you back, well I guess you have your answer there as well, move on with your life.

Hmmm. How to do this. That is the tricky part. I agree that it is a true principle and if done correctly stands just as good of chance as succeeding as anything else. I guess it depends a lot on the situation.

My counsler has not mentioned anything like this to me to try in my sitch. I am wondering what and when to use this technique.

I believe if I had used it out of the gate my wife would have been back home already. Live and learn. Is it ever to late? hmmm I wonder.

Well I am in the middle of an expirement currently with being her "best friend" and we will see what comes of that.

Currently things are shifting as I shift I guess we will just need to see where they shift to.

Next I do not think that it will be that hard for me to reject her since she definitly deserves rejecting.

what comes of this? she views you as an Eunuch or at best like a gay friend.




situation = 3 affairs !!!! she moved out 8 months ago !!!

Act like she dropped off the face of the earth.

Go out and get yourself girlfriend. (or at least a female companion) ASAP. and stop all comunication with your wife for now.

When she starts coming around jealous as hell telling you to lose your friend it gets interesting. right now it just s#cks. trust me.