Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers WAW in affair. Help!

Haha! It was funny now that I think of it. Yes, we've separated.

Thanks, Puppy.

I’m considering another option. Let me lay this out.

Beside the gym, W partners with a female friend in another small business. We’ve known this couple for years (call them Ann and Jim). Good, Christian people. Jim is an undercover cop – special ops. OM is a uniformed officer. Jim and OM know each other and are friendly (Not too long ago Jim was at OM’s house helping fix an air conditioner.)

My thought is to approach Jim confidentially (not even Ann would know) and ask him to help me stop this A. Obviously, in terms of tracking and surveillance, Jim can do things you and I can only dream of.

At this point, I don’t want Ann to know about this A. I don’t want to humiliate my W. I don’t want to bust up OM’s marriage. I just want to stop this A and have my wife come home and work with me to restore our marriage.

Thoughts?

Wow, the coincidences here are just uncanny. My wife is also a personal trainer, and her OM was also a cop! Or, still in the academy, studying to become one actually. Weird.

If you feel you can trust him, this would be ideal. But he's friends with OM; are you sure you can trust him to help you, and to keep it confidential?

You mentioned he is a Christian; if you are also, you may want to pray on this one. I found that when I prayed specifically for knowledge, understanding and DISCERNMENT, that God was generous in answering those prayers. He seemed to allow me to see/hear just what I needed to, WHEN I needed to, and no more (I think if all my wife's stuff had come out at once, I wouldn't have been able to deal with it).

Puppy

That is good. I wish I had exposed to a SLIGHTLY smaller of circle of people than I did. This woman Ann might be a "card" you can play -- or even have the credible threat of playing -- later.

That is weird!



I know I can trust him. Another thought occurred to me. If I sit down with Jim and show him the phone bills (which are incredibly damning), depending on the level of friendship with OM, he might want to sit down with OM (cell bills in hand) and strongly urge him to lay off. And, that would probably end the A.

Thinking out loud….any confrontation coming from me right now will be contrued as the crazy, jealous husband. But if a third party, particularly a man who specializes in investigation, says, “C’mon. Any idiot can look at these bills and see what’s going on”, that would seem to be enough to bust the A. OM is married to a wealthy woman. Both OM and W have reputations I assume they want to protect. This would give them the chance to end the A with minimal collateral damage. Only one person (besides me) knows about the A. If I were in their shoes I would thank my lucky stars and quit while I was ahead.

Am I just babbling or does that make sense?

And, yes, I am praying about this.


Good point. Hadn’t thought about that.

I do not advocate having a third party do your confronting for you. It will be perceived as WEAK by your wife, and she and OM will have a nice laugh at your expense.

Plus, you will have revealed that this is ALL the intel that you have.

AND, you will lost cop friend as a source of intel for you.

That being said, I'm all for DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES to bust an affair, and this guy just MAY scare the bejeezus out of his friend.

Since your intel only consists of QUANTITY (and timing) OF CONTACT right now, I would hate to lose Cop Friend as a source and potential P.I. for you, because I feel like you need more. If you were already loaded down with two or three different sources of good, reliable intel, I might lean toward this option, but remember, we're in the "Put on an act and gather as much as you can for the next few weeks" mode.

Puppy

True, true.



Again, true.



I think he probably would scare the bejeezus out of him. On the other hand, OM might say something like W would say; “We’re just friends and she’s going a rough time right now” or some such.

Again good points about looking weak and compromising my intel. As you alluded earlier, I just confirmed my suspicions two days ago. I don’t want to rush this and botch it. If I do, W and OM will just be more careful and even harder to catch.

I need to just keep up the friendly act at the gym and allay W's fears that I have seen the cell bills. They’re more likely to make a mistake if they’re relaxed, eh?

Absolutely. I wouldn't plan on getting ANYTHING good for at LEAST a week.

In fact, if you can stomach it, you may want to do something EXTRA nice for her this weekend. Make a special meal, or take her to her favorite restaurant. Let her get her guard even further down.

mmwwWWAAAHHH HAA HAA HA !!!

No one can fool me! You are powerless against my cunning and guile. Nobody escapes the eye of Puppy. MWAAAAHAAAAHAAAAHAA!

Coach, I think you've been working too hard.

Puppy