I got an email back this morning before he came upstairs that said he got the email and will take some time to respond. I think basically that means he needs to wait until he gets to work because he won't use my laptop for some reason or he's just formulating his plan for moving. Either way, I know he knows my stance now and I will give him some time to come back with his response. (Not too much time though!) This weekend will be hard because we are both home until tomorrow when he goes to work. Daughter and I will be going to a birthday party today, I don't think he'll be coming. Strength my way... I'm doing good so far!
Still nothing back, to be expected. I am giving him 1 week to respond before I bring it up again. He came home from work today and I was sitting on the couch watching football. He sat down on the other end of the couch. I looked over, grabbed my laptop and pillow and went into the bedroom. He said "You can sit here, I'll go downstairs." I probably should have said ok, but I felt bad because he hasn't seen daughter all day and I thought he should be with her for a while. So now I am sitting here in the bedroom watching tv. Which is fine, because my back is still hurting and laying in bed feels pretty good right now! It's just killing me because I want to scream just answer the email already!!! But I continue to be strong.
Sounding good. At the end of your week, take some time to reevaluate where you are. If H has not come back with a reply, you have many options that you'll need to evaluate.
As I previously stated, I would like to stay through Christmas to spend time with daughter in her house. I will stay out of your way and live in the basement when not around daughter. I will also spend more time at my brothers and I am working late next week.
#2 We will need to communicate for daughter’s sake and I understand that this situation is difficult , so I will stay out of your way for the remainder of time.
#3 As I have said before, I am not changing my mind and the decision stands.
That was it. Well, I lost it... I mean who is he to tell me what he wants at this point... so I wrote him back and told him he doesn't get to choose when he wants to relieve himself of adult responsibilities. This will not work and I will not allow daughter to see me treated so disrespectfully by any man ESPECIALLY her father. He made this decision and now he needs to live with it. I went on, but I'll save you the details. Basically I said this will not work, and we need to talk no later than tonight about a schedule so we are not home at the same time. Now I'm angry and that's a lot better than sad because now I have the courage to go through with my ultimadum. I even decided on Wednesday when I get home early, I am going to empty out his side of the closet with his clothes and help him along. Am I doing the right thing?
Good for you to stand up and offer choices to your H. Now he gets to choose what reality he wants. Stand strong. This will push them together for the next while.
I am glad your starting to set the boundary. I will not tolerate an AFFAIR. Remember your marriage can survive H being angry. But it cannot survive as long as an active affair is going on.
Empty it all out. boxes and garbage bags. Drop them out the door if you feel up to it.
I have not posted before on your stitch. But I am following it.
ugh. So we just finished talking for about 4 hours. He approached me and wanted to know what I wanted to do. I said I am standing my ground. As long as he continues to have the affair, I will not be in the same space as him. He did not say he will end the affair. In his eyes, because he hasn't made it more physical than a kiss so he says, its not an affair. Even though he said he loves her. He cried, I cried, we argued, I don't feel like anything was resolved. Every time I tried to end the conversation, he brought something else up. He said he is going to see a lawyer on Thursday. He said he wants to use the same lawyer and settle civily, and that he made the appointment to protect himself because of what I said...(the boundaries I set!) (Go me, he is hearing the boundaries!) I told him if he wants to use the same lawyer, we need to go together at the same time to hear the same information and because I didn't trust that he wouldn't try to build his case. Not to mention this lawyer is a husband of someone he works with. I don't think so... Does anyone know anything about NJ law and is there something I need to do to protect myself and my daughter? After the 4 hour conversation, I restated my boundaries and asked him what he was going to do. He said we would work out a schedule then to not be home at the same time. He asked about Christmas Eve and if I wanted him to be there. I told him I would have to think about it. He actually said why would I want him there on Christmas eve and not before. I told him for daughter's sake, I would suck it up and have him there. He asked why, and I said because it's a holiday... he actually said "What about the 2 weeks leading up, it's the holiday season" WHAT??? lol He walked out and then came back in tears and said when did I think I would know? I said I needed to process tonight's conversation and decide if I want him there. For daughter's sake, I will absolutely have him there, I just want him to sweat it out. Also, I think slightly the GAL worked. I went out about 3 times mysteriously in the past few weeks, and he brought it up tonight and asked where I went several times and in several different conversations. I didn't tell him and I told him I didn't feel I had to share any information about my personal life. I think the conversation was definitely more drawn out than it needed to be, but all in all, I think I stood my ground very well. At one point, he asked if I found someone else, and for all he knew I was having an affair, he said "you're on the computer all the time" I told him that I think we needed help to learn to communicate because we will need to learn for daughter's sake. I'm laying the foundation for either family counseling or Retro at the end of Jan... I'm so scared because he is going to the lawyer... but he did say he would change the appointment to next week so I can go with him. I don't want us to go at all!! OT are you saying I shouldn't pack up his things? He has randomly been taking things out of our bedroom, like a book, videos, and a few other things. Doesn't make sense to me, if it were me, I'd move the things I actually use like clothes. I thought I'd just help him along... I also decided to buy a new sheet and comforter set. I'm thinking satin. I deserve it. I bought a notebook tonight to write down my daily to do list. I decided to write down one thing for each day that I want to do for myself. My first to do was to buy a notebook! I'm feeling so sad, but so empowered and strong. I know I will make it through, whatever may be my future, but it just really stinks right now. Thank you all for your continued support and advice. I wouldn't be this strong without you!
