but I've always thought homemaker kind of meant that part of the "job" was to try to create a home environmaent that is inviting, relaxing, soothing, etc... kind of a refuge for the residents to forget about their work once home. Maybe I'm way off base on that assumption (and granted, it should be a joint effort by both spouses).
It should, and that's why I asked you how the chores are divided and whether you both work outside the house.
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Also, as far as the tiredness....I get it, but c'mon....doesn't she think that I'll miss having sex?
The thing is, I believe you. I believe that you sincerely believe that you "get it." But if you're the HD partner right now, you probably don't really get it. I don't really get it. I've read the books, I accept the concept because if I treat it as true I get results, but it's a black box to me beyond a rudimentary factual understanding. There's a great episode of South Park where one of the kids spends the whole episode trying to convince his black classmate, Token, that he understands what it's like to be black. All he manages to do is make Token madder and madder until he has an epiphany. He finds Token and admits to him that he "doesn't get it." That's as close to really understanding it as he can come--an honest admission that he doesn't understand. At least he knows what he doesn't know, as Don Rumsfeld might say.
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Shouldn't she be working on some alternative method of keeping our sex lives active?
Ideally, she should, and so should you, but it's rarely as easy as telling someone what she should be doing.
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I've done my part, but I have to admit that after a while it doesn't seem worth it to even try to initiate it.
What was/is your part? Let's talk about what you've already tried to do.
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Especially when lately she seems to be almost always doing something that is not a turn-on...whether clothing, hair, attitude, etc....
One thing you're going to have to do is decide whether you're attracted or not. You want to be honest, but if you're going to criticize her appearance, understand that it's generally going to be a turn-off for her. Imagine being nagged to paint the house by a woman while she whines about the paint you used, the place where there are drips on the trim, and the place where you didn't sand enough. Criticizing her hair and clothing is not helping your cause. If it's important enough right now to be more important than rebuilding your loving sexual relationship right now, go ahead. Otherwise, you'll want to prioritize.
