Exactly. Trust me, until you really know what you want to do, don't do anything.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I don't want a divorce. but i didn't know if I filed for one if she would have a change in heart.
forgive me what is "GALing" ?
Go back and reread the Divorce Remedy and put some of the tools she talks about to use in your own situation.
You say you haven't talked to her since November 18th - why? Did she ask you to completely stop contacting her? It seems to me that you've gone from one extreme (constantly calling and pleading with her) to another extreme (not contacting her in over 2 weeks). Perhaps you should try aiming somewhere in the middle. I don't see where your situation warrants going completely dark at this point. Food for thought at least.
Get ready for the long haul. This is not a quick fix.
And what if she calls your bluff? Then where are you?
Hmmmm divorced?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I had given her a week or so of no contact prior to seeing her two weeks ago so this is not the first time i have left her alone. but this is the longest so far.
I don't want a divorce so i won't file. i hadn't thought the bluff thing through i guess.
Look, I want to tell you that DBing is not really about trying to lure your spouse back. It is about working on yourself. If you go into this just to try to get your wife back, the changes you make won't stick. You have to really listen to her, listen to what she is saying has been the problem. Even if you don't agree, you need to really take a good look at the man in the mirror, and see if there is a way that you can change.
This is a mindset, and in the beginning, we all come to this board for a quick fix to our marital problems. Unfortunately, it really does not work that way. I don't think NC is necessary at this point, but keep the contact to a minimum. Do business calls...separating expenses, property, stuff like that. No begging, no I love yous, no relationship talk whatsoever. You can ask how she is, and LISTEN. Do not offer too much information about yourself. If she asks how you are, you are fine, thats it.
Most of all, focus on you. Everyone has room for improvement, so make a list of things that you can improve upon to make yourself feel better. She may very well see the changes, and if you like the changes, then keep them.
And if you find something is not working, stop. It's like the mouse chasing the cheese...hence cheeseless tunnels. Read DB, DR, and anything you think you can get your hands on, but remember, you cannot change her.
I lived by this:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference.
Do you know the difference?
But you also have to be prepared either way. The changes you make really have to be for you...not your wife. The problem is if you only make the changes to get your wife back, and it works, things will go back to being the same way and you will be back in the same boat you are in right now.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
