Thanks for posting! Having the MLCer at home seems to be more uncommon than them being gone and it is so hard. I know what you mean - my H seems more "here" in some ways and has taken tiny baby steps but is still way out there aboard the mother ship a good deal of the time.
Is it possible for you to go alone to see YOUR family for Christmas? That sounds like it would be something completely different. He can stay at home and wallow in his misery and you can enjoy the company of your family.
I am doing pretty well. Trying to stay as even keeled as possible and not let worries get to me. My H seems to be spinning badly right now the last couple of days. I am not sure if there is something specific going on, some crap that has hit the fan, or if he is just overwhelmed and depressed. He said the past couple of days he didn't feel good but has no specific physical complaints really. He said he just had a lot on his mind or something. I asked him a simple question last night and he couldn't come up with an answer. It was strange.
Unlike the past, though, I am detached enough to just let him spin. Unless he decides to tell me what is going on, I don't have to and won't worry about it at all. I have enough else on my plate. So I am CHOOSING not to worry about what might be going on with him (though my imagination can run wild if it I let it) and just doing what I need to do.
I have to say, there are days I wish I could just grind up some ADs and put them in his food!
Sorry, didn't mean to hijack and make this about me. I did go to visit my folks over Thanksgiving and spent a bleak time thinking that if our days were numbered I would rather be at home with him, even if he was miserable, to try to soak up what time was left.(pathetic, I know) It was hard to enjoy my family and put on a happy face, and I also realized how NOT detached I am from him, since I worried about him the whole time. He also did not go to see his family, and spent 4 days by himself at home, probably drunk. I found out he lied to his parents and told them he went with me! He did seem happy to see me again when I got back. I am having a hard time with trying to detach and yet feel like I am not abandoning him.
As with everyone, there are days I want to throw in the towel, but then try to remember the roller coaster will go up again and he does ever so slowly seem to be moving towards me. I can't believe that its been a year, and he is still here. I'm not sure if that is good or bad.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
I am having a hard time with trying to detach and yet feel like I am not abandoning him.
I know the feeling. It is hard just letting them blow in the wind and not want to help, but the longer I do this the more I realize I really can't help, not now anyway. He just needs to figure it out.
Isn't it amazing how time passes? I am almost 9 months post bomb now, more than a year since he started acting crazy, and months before that I noticed something a bit "different" that I couldn't put my finger on. It is just one day at a time!
Sometimes I look really hard at my #12 cast iron skillet <wicked grin>
Believe me, I have too!
At this point I am just trying to make it to the holidays - keeping plenty busy!! When the time gets here I will have to think of things with the kids.
You're right, worries are usually way worse than things are in actuality. My imagination certainly comes up with some interesting stuff .. .
Been down the cast iron skillet road, the grinding up ADs road, the wanting to help but knowing I can't road, how far to detatch. I think there was even some talk of an alligator if I remember correctly. LOL
Can't do any of it but the thoughts still come. And then not so much anymore.
Funny how this works for all of us isnt' it? They say the same crap, we think the same crap. It is what it is.
Forever, plan your holiday for you, maybe with room for him, but no expectations either way.
TF, good choice to stay on the sidelines.
Grace, you crack me up.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Aww, thanks Mach! I am getting there . . . still have my moments (some days many) but realizing the future just may be bright whichever way this rolls.
We have missed you around these here boards. Welcome back!
[quote]Funny how this works for all of us isnt' it? They say the same crap, we think the same crap. It is what it is. /quote]
It is crazy how it works. We cycle too for sure. I just know at some point something will have to give, whether it is soon or a long way down the road.
