Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers W just told me she wants out

I am going to counseling. Yo are right I need to focus on myself.
Doesn't look like my wife has any second thoughts anyway. Codependence? Yes. I Knew my wife for 28 yrs.

Until she sees some changes in you, that will not be likely to change. To her, you're still the same person she is running away from.

W didn't work in her shop today, I looked and she cancelled all her appointments. I believe she made a trip to Ohio to see OM.
I am so tempted to e-mail her and ask her how Ohio was.And tell her to just file the papers rather than committing adultery since we are legally married yet.
Tell me why I should or shouldn't do this.

Hi Bobby.

Do you really want her to file? I've read back through this thread and notice this isn't the first time you've asked this. So here's some advice - stop. You're all over the place, searching for the answers you want to hear.

I nor anyone else on this board have to convince you what you should or should not do. Our goal is to get you balanced so these answers are available to you, through you.

What is your support system? Got friends? I noticed the time stamp, why is this stuff filling your brain at midnight?

Look, my X had an A for the last year of our marriage. I know how awful that feels. But I gained nothing when I focused on it. He didn't care if I knew, it didn't stop him. So don't waste your time throwing this up in her face. I'm sure if you search on the internet, you can find support to expose an A but ask yourself, what's your intention??

Decide what you need to get yourself balanced. And if you can't figure it out get into C.

WT

I am in counseling. I do have people to talk to. Yuu are right about pushing her, I don't want that. I aam going to ask what her plans and timelines are. I have a different situation here with her working in her shop 5 days a week. I can't start detaching from her with her here that much. One part of my brain says to leave the door open for her. Another part says she made her choice and the only way I can move on is for the papers to be filed.

So, you can't detach because you see her too much, I get that. Will filing the papers change that? If you are conflicted my rule of thumb is to hold off doing things. Keep in mind your intentions - what do you hope to accomplish by your actions?

WT

Just because you see her doesn't mean you can't detach. It just makes it a little harder. Detachment is emotional, not physical. I think you need to stop making excuses.

Agreed VH...reiterating...2 choices: detach and move on if you are standing....or file. Make a decision and "make it so". FIB

first off thanks for all the help. I thought I was bashed pretty heavy on here lately but you were all right . I have decided to make a change in myself, I didn't like who I've become. All my life I've been a good, kind person. This past week I returned to my old self, my anger is gone. If my wife is going to continue her life without me I am preparing to start a life without her. Before this she said she couldn't wait to get out of here, there's so much tension. (showing her the bad)
Now she has seeked me out for little things, we have small conversations, joke, nothing major but good. I won't expect anything but even if it doesn't lead to more I'm accepting and prepared to move on.
And I feel so much better.

Time heals. FIB

(most times)