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Hi rabbitae86
Robx is right. Stop all the snooping...!!! It will only make matter worse. The phones and the cars shouldn't even be the issues.
From what I read so far, I heard a lot of I give, give and give and I want something back....!!!!
Please stop that. If you keep that mentality, I guarantee you will fail on every relationship in the future.
It is OK to give and expect nothing to return...
It is time for you step up, focus on your kids first. They need a strong father, a stable home.

NW626

Thanks for the advice so far. I will have to sit down with her and see what the bigger issue is because that's why I laughed inside when she showed up at my work place. I just kept thinking are you serious?

It was a real gift for fathers day and I do use it for work. Luckly we bought our phone and plans from a close friend who can fix all of the phone issue for us. I just need her to calm down and not be so angry.

As for the vehicles haha it made me laugh when you said are my kids 250 lbs each. It is the more reliable and safer vehicle that's why I thought it would be best for the kids. (Were asian we can fit 15 people in a 8 passenger suv. Lol sorry had to make a joke)

The corolla is still a trust worthy car but the rods or bearings seem like they are going out because of when she had driven it for months with little oil. I know I should have checked but back then I was too into my rice burners and tuning my car for the next autocross or drag event. Thank God in a way I left that hobbie and sold those kind of vehicles for now. My wallet is a lot thicker.

And yes you all have made me realize a lot of issues I have myself. I thank you who have responded for that. Things I have over looked on myself.

Just keep telling yourself I'm not going to be petty. I'm not going to be a pushover either. I say give the stupid phone back. You have another one and who cares. It's like parenting. You have to pick your battles and it's probably not a battle worth picking. The car might be. If she isn't paying for the one car and you are then you should be the one driving it. You aren't leaving her without a car. I know that can be a pain transfering car seat and such, so you decide which is better for you and the kids! All decisions from here on out should be based on what is best for the kids.

Today was a good day for myself. I got to come home early from work to find out that one of the books arrived db. I have been reading and about half way already.

The pain of loneliness is here though. As I miss my kids and wife and have to urge to text or call her. But I'm trying to resist right now and decided to write on here instead.

I will call some friends to see if they want to hang out for now. Been home alone too all day need to get out.

Robx...we just need to tag team 'em! Right on! Everything he said!

Dude, EVERYTHING Rob has said to you is right on. Listen to Rob.

What's more...you're wife is very immature and ALL of this is to get back at you for cheating.

You want her back? You want her to change? You want her to grow up?

Then, you need to change. You need to grow up.

Never talk about the relationship. The ONLY time I would agree with someone at your point to talk about it is if she brought it up and was in a great mood and you were getting along....but if that happened ABORT mission at the first sign of anger or pissy. But I don't think you are there yet, so avoid relationship talk completely.

Next, Get A Life. Now. You listed some things earlier....do them. NOW.

When your wife was the wedding getting plastered, you should have left. I promise, had you, she would not have been such an ass. She did it for you.

Her coming to your work for the phone, immature as hell. But even more importantly, the fact she wants to get into your kitchen and burn everything is actually a promising sign....when she completely ignores you and is completely neutral toward you when she does have to deal with you, that means you are closer to done.

Forget the OM(s). They will be short lived and not important. And really sounds like they won't be able to take her crap for long anyways. Sorry, but seriously, they won't. I understand that you love her and that's why you can fight for this and put up with her crap, these guys don't feel the same way and won't.

What kind of Asian are you? Just curious.

Stop fighting with her. At all costs, stop it. But keep asking her on dates. I wouldn't advise that to everyone, but you might want to keep that line of communication up. And if you don't want to do that....ask her to pick a night for family night. Maybe Mondays or Tuesdays....shouldn't screw up her partying time. Tell her you think the kids would love it and it would make for some normal in their lives and ALL SMALL CHILDREN NEED NORMAL...THEY NEED SCHEDULE. That's how they thrive. Mine is three. It's a big deal to him.

You can do this. But you need to stop much of what you are doing now....and really, why did you drop them off with a hung over grumpy mother? Kids want crap all the time...doesn't mean you give it to them, do you? They would have been fine a few more hours without her. And let's be honest...who did you think you were going to find over there? I'm glad it was no one. I should have helped put your mind at ease. I hope it did.

Just got back from Bdubs. I haven't had chicken wings for months.

Stronger I'm Hmong. If you guys don't know what type of Asian that is google it. Yes what you guys are saying is right. And I'm glad I have found this site.

There is a culture clash when it comes to the Hmong way of things and the American way of things. I was born and raised in Minneapolis so I was born into the American world.

Meaning what the elders have been saying to me is why didn't I go to her parents and tattel tail on her. The Hmong way is if your unhappy with your spouse your suppose to talk with her parents and clan to help her understand what she is doing. Growing up when your younger here is its bad to tattel tail. So when her parents brought that up she made a big deal about why I didn't do it. I lauged it off too her because she is even more Americanize then I am. She can't even read or write in Hmong of speak it clearly.

The other thing is I'm still suppose to go to her parents to force her to come back. I know that's a big no no because we don't live in our home country anymore. This is America and it doesn't work that way anymore.

I know its a bigger issue then the phone so I chuckled when she asked for it back. And I know if this is what she really wants then both my clan and her clan would have a meeting asap to settle things about everything before we go to court to do it the American way.

Yes rob u and stronger r right. I shouldn't have done what I did. I guess I was hurt to see him cry for his mother. If it was candy, toys etc its easier to say no because he doesn't get his way with those things. But I guess I might have to look at her like those things.

I was also thinking I was going to find OM(s) there also. Just so I can catch her in the act. To prove a point.

She has not contacted me all day and I haven't with her, it was hard not too. I will try
and ask her about family time.

The road is tough as I miss them so much. I will have to use what I learned so far and just go dark for now and detach myself.

I know why you really went....but forget it now. In the past, doesn't matter. Again, if there were an OM and there maybe, he won't last and frankly, it's going to be because your W is not really what I think of as stable right now.

She is definitely having herself a good old nutty.

But you can reign her in by being a good influence. When she wants to piss you off, she pushes your buttons. When you want to piss her off, you do the same thing.

But it works in the opposite direction too...might take longer because you'll both be leary, but you can push her good buttons too. As you were falling in love, that's all you would ever do, push those good buttons for good things.

Examples on how to piss each other off: Go to a wedding, refuse to help with the kids, send friends between you to deliver messages and then proceed to get stupid drunk.
Wake up, take children to hung over mother to really spy on her.

Examples on how to make each other happy: buy flowers, a nice card for no reason, wash the cars, go to dinner, play together as a family, wake up, keep kids because mother is hung over...get it?

I think things are so vicious between you both that you may just have to sit her down and tell her that. And ask her to back off as you will too. And no, you aren't doing this for the kids. You would be doing this for each other and the kids would just naturally benefit. You've known each other for way too long to be acting like this...no matter what your age is, you can't act like this. It's nutz. It's going to give you an ulcer. Put the crazy where it belongs....outside your marriage.

And tell her, "I like this BB. May I please keep it? It was a great gift, one of the best I've ever gotten. Thanks, I knew you'd understand." And keep the damn phone. It was a gift.

As far as the money issues, you need to be mature about that too. Talk it out with her. Let her know what you want and what you think she should contribute and really, be fair. Getting nasty as soon as you can benefits no one. Divorce is one of the most finacially devestating events....another reason to avoid it.

But no relationship talks. This is semantics that need to be settled or it will continue to take tolls on your relationship.

You can do this.

Never mind me, you're a spark plug, I've been reading your replies in the other threads, you have more than just a clue yourself on how this works, I think I'll just sit back and read your stuff for a while ;-)

Well we were sort of "yelled" at. My point in being direct and not using the sugar coating is that many of us need to start making changes yesterday. And what's more, we're all going to keep screwing up, but the sooner we make changes, the less impact those screw ups could have.

I don't want people to be offended but I think holding back isn't going to help 99% of us. We all need a 2x4 and we all need the kudos and encouragement as it's deserved. Well, encouragement constantly....