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GIMA,

I have never thought of detachment in that way. Your statement makes perfect sense.

Mo3

Gima, I'm with you 100% on that. I trust you know I am quite detached at this point.
It all started with Gnosis' response to my response to brknheart How my not wanting who she is now and knowing she will regret this someday = I'm clinging to the hope of reconciliation didn't add up.

When I was pondering when to move, I was honest about that last thread of hope that I believe exists even in the most hopeless of sitches - like mine -(too bad SpyBunny already owns the handle "Stick a Fork In It." )

Greek got it right - understood me - when she responded,It all got a bit complex, is all. But I know you get me, Gima.
And, speaking of which, I'd certainly like your take/advice on my post yesterday @11:45 pm. Specifically point#2. Thanks.
Damn, this was a challenging bit of quote/cut/paste post to put together! Phew!

Gman, groan.... what are you doing to me... LOL. Sorry for the delay. And now I have to kickstart my brain and delve into the depths of my mind to figure out what I was thinking. It may take a few posts as I cross-ref everything so bear with me.

BTW... you didn't answer how you quit smoking.

OK. Got it. No argument from me.


OK, looking back at the original quote it seemed that you were hoping that one day she would realize the error of her ways. When someone does that it means they are still holding some form of hope. Be it hope for apology or reconciliation or whatever. For some reason or other I thought I picked up a trace of resentment as well. Original reads: And I know she will realize one day what she did was wrong. What I was trying to say there was that you were still attached to her by "knowing."

IMHO, judging from what you have shared about her, I believe that this is highly unlikely. Her track record with previous relationships points to this. With that kind of person it's better to distance yourself emotionally, physically and mentally. Their hatred of you will have no bounds. It will consume them to the point that they will even endeavor to poison any new friendships or relationships you will enter into in the future. I hope this explains it a little better.

I will continue the next few points in another post.

Gnosis, all I did, as promised, is clarify. Some of your original comments now seem like they were more aimed at brknheart (?) The confusing quote within a quote within a quote thing (like the doozy I struggled with to Gima earlier.)

Okay, now smoking:
Dr's been weaning me off depression meds. In that process, she switched me to Welbutrin. When I last saw her she asked "how's the smoking?" "Under the circumstances, surprisingly decreased," replies Gardener. She then tells me that after welbutrin was introduced, they discovered a somewhat-less-smoking component reported by patients. Company now also sells the same med as Zyban for smoking cessation.

That was a couple of days before Connecticut added an additional $1.00 Tax to cigs.
I figured I had a slight advantage with the meds.
I did the (new) math.
I reminded myself of my budgetary/financial constraints.
I said, "Ah, screw it!"
And at 54 days, no one is more surprised than I.

Typically too-long Gardener answer (but then again, look who I'm talking to, here: Mr. Brief, himself!)

I agree on the mix 'n match with respect to brknheart and you. Looking back at it now it is confusing... even to me. LOL.
I'm familiar with Zyban - or at least heard about it.

I'm glad to hear it. That is a great attitude to have. This is what I was talking about before.


Great. I just wanted to make sure of that. You've got a good heart Gman and the next lady who finds herself your companion is going to be extremely lucky.


Yeah, that's my mistake. The "not your problem" bit has always been a problem for me So let me clarify a bit on my take and see if this makes sense... for me personally I mean: "I will avoid dwelling on it. I have to stay away because my help will be rejected and misconstrued. There is nothing I can do and if I do anything it could lead to pulling me back into the emotional mess I'm trying to recover from." ... so yeah.. NMP is my way of saying that.. just gotta be more clear on that in the future.

For point 6... her reaction got a laugh out of me.

I'm really glad you're in a better place now. You have reached that point of inner peace that you need to move past "survive" and into "thrive". That you will thrive, I have no doubt.

Gnosis,I can understand this. And all the rest, of course, but this point of yours felt more like a personal sharing (which in a way, is exactly what we do here).
Thank you.

Long day. Lotta time on this forum. Time to turn in.

What's that thing they say at 12-steps? H.A.L.T.
Horny, Angry, Lonely, Tired?

No, wait, that's Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired!
And I just ate,
Never mind.

G'night.

Hi, Gardener. Took a break from the boards over the weekend. See you had a nice time at your son's show (twice, no less). Glad you go to spend some time enjoying the fruits of your labor. Yes, raising kids is labor (and my youngest had a temper tantrum today to prove it)!!!

Your stbxw will, at some point, come to understand the error of her ways. Not sure if she will ever acknowledge it. Our WAS's, they're all in there somewhere. AND I believe that they all, at one time or another, realize that they are wrong, or at least ponder it. Their egos, or maybe their shame, may not ever allow them to admit it, at least not to the LBS.


Hope you're spending Thanksgiving with your son. I am headed back up your way to be with the in-laws. I'll think of you and smile while on the Merritt.