Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Advice on DB-ing when sep spouse lives at home

Cat,

Welcome back! Glad you had a good time.

I hope I am doing well. Definitely having some major ups and downs and still letting little things get to me too much on occasion.

We are up to a milestone here. It was a year ago within a few days of me sitting on the bathroom floor with my H sobbing and telling me how messed up he was. It is also a year looking back that the replay started, the spending, the new clothes, dying the hair, becoming a gym rat, and the major detaching from the family. When his MLC started is anyone's guess. Based on subtle changes I noticed in retrospect it could have been months earlier at least. I really can't think of any defining moment or big event that happened that could have jump started it.

I can't believe it has been that long, yet here we are. He is still spinning his wheels and getting nowhere as far as I can tell. It has been an emotionally exhausting ride for me. I'm sure for him, too.

Okay, so it looks like MLC has been around a long time.

"Midway on our life's journey, I found myself
In a dark woods, the right road lost. To tell
About those woods is hard - so tangled and rough..."
- Dante - The Inferno



On a lighter note, I was sitting behind a guy in church the other day whose t-shirt said, "It is better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho the rest of your life."

"It is better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho the rest of your life."

Hi, TIF, just have a couple of minutes to check out DB, but just HAD to comment on that tshirt logo! LMAO! Its brilliant!

Funny, that your bomb anniversary is Nov-so is mine-well, one of them anyhow. I think the pre-holiday feeling combined with the dark winter days bring out the crazies in all of us!

Just hope YOU`RE doing well. Minding you, loving you and the kids and having fun. You need to distract yourself from your H`s pain. Its his pain, not yours.

Line up all the fun you can get girl-yeah, spotting funny t shirts counts too!

FG,

Thanks for checking in! How are you doing?

I am doing okay for the most part. Trying to separate myself from the craziness.

Oddly, this big moment a year ago was about four months pre-actual bomb speech, but definitely a marker moment of "something major" going on.

Work, the kids, etc. have been keeping me busy for too much fun unfortunately, but maybe with things lighter the holiday week next week (Thanksgiving for us) I'll be able to GAL more.

TF,

Thanks for the welcome back. But really, I come and go anyway… LOL

Doing well for the most part. You sound good.

Pretty amazing when you look back isn’t it? You mention where the R was but what about you, a year ago compared to now?

Cat,

LOL - I must sound better than I feel! It has been a hard week and while I am looking to try to make the holidays as fun and special as I can, I am having a hard time getting my heart into it.

A year ago, I was okay. I was frustrated by my workaholic H becoming more so at that point. Then his revelations about how messed up he was shook me up as I realized how deep his issues ran. Of course, I figured "we" could weather them because I didn't have any inkling that he would throw me under the bus - that was just NOT who he was. And here we are.

Hi TIF-
Well the bus hasn't flattened you! So keep on moving. I have those dark days too,for me its where everything H says just grates on me-all so negative..and then he criticizes ME b/c my perception is different...

Try to keep expectations low or reasonable for the holidays so there's little disappointment. Got to be better than the year of the bomb-doesn't it? We're all so much stronger a year later, I think. christmas is my year anniversary for the bomb...can't wait! :-)

KJ,

LOL - no, I guess I wasn't flattened by the bus - yet. I still have moments when I feel like I have been!

My H is pretty negative all the time now too, though fortunately he has pretty well stopped projecting it all over me, but it does get old hearing how everything is just awful. I guess that is another good thing with having to go through this - I have learned to pick out and concentrate on the GOOD parts of life rather than the bad.

TRYING to keep my expectations way down for the holidays. It is tough when there are kids involved.

BTW, what does one get an MLCer for Christmas? He could use a MIRROR but I suppose the significance would be lost on him. I asked, he doesn't want anything, and he certainly has bought himself pretty much everything he can over the past few months so who knows.

LOL!

My H thinks that my buying clothes is me just accumulating stuff(a criticism of me)..said one day..then the next..For Christmas he'd like anything from the Territory ahead catalog we just got- maybe a gift certificate so he can try things on! Then the next day...I don't have any room in my drawers or closet for all my clothes!!@!

ARGH!



Happy Weekend!

I guess confusion is the name of the game! LOL!