Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy I need help please

The thing is I don't know if he has a new OW right now or maybe went back to either OW1 or OW2 but I think you ar correct - he will probably use the laptop when he is here
In regards to me acting as a single mum that's exactly how I feel - I am very disppointed with WH's family - they were never much involved but now they don't really care at all - he has 2 sisters and 4 brothers - the only exception are his parents - his mum will drop by this weekend but it's not so much to support me but to see the kids.If I need a break I have to organize it with friends - my family lives in a different country - it's not easy but I manage - WH doesn't see how much I am doing - he thinks he got the bad end of the stick, not me. And he made everyone in his family believe so too.

I have a question - WH is calling me once a week - and it doesn't look like as if he wants to talk to the kids when he calls - this is going on for a few weeks now - yesterday again a 20 minute conversation and it was really nice.No anger, sarcasm from his side and I am much more relaxed also and actually enjoy these conversations.I am starting to wonder if this is a good sign but don't want to keep my hopes up again...

What is he talking about?

Who ends the call first?

Having good conversations with the WAS is a mixed bag - depends what his intentions are. Maybe he's just lonely and needs to chat to somebody?

He is ending the call first - I think I would like to change that from the next conversation on.

We chat about lots of things - work, his new appartment, our kids, our house, sport, finances. When he started to tell me he was unhappy with me in April these conversations were a real drag - honestly it was like talking to en empty fridge - he didn't say 2 words - it's so much more relaxed now.
He even gave me the address to his new appartment - you might think this is weird but you see I had a PI set on him on his last one and I didn't think he would give me the new address but he did.We don't have any relationship talk at all which is the way I think is the best right now - one of the reasons he felt he couldn't reconcile was that I would hold his "friendships/affairs" forever over his head and he didn't want to live like that - I had many angry/ emotional outbursts and they are now gone for the last 2 months - I am not sure if his bahaviour has something to do with it.

It's hard not to get your hopes up though as he is changing more and more - even the conversations with the kids are getting better, not great but better.

Ending the contact first (whether it's call, text, email or face to face) is the best way to do it, if possible (and it's not always possible). It gives you strength and it shows the WAS that YOU are on control not them. That may sound daft for just a quick phone call, but it does work.



Somebody once said to me that the reason W and I were so relaxed around one another is that the pressure was taken out of the situation when she left (this was prior to OM moving in).

I wouldn't read much into it. It's a good sign but it's nothing more than that.



That one I can relate to. W said before she left that she didn't want any contact from me at all, then said she did, then gave me her home number and then recently her email address! I saw it as clinging especially as she gave me her home number in a very roundabout way.

I don't know what to make of W doing this, although it seems a bit suspicious. Your H's intentions in doing that could be good. But then again maybe he just wants you to forward mail onto him.

Don't read too much into it without further proof.



No R talk is good. Show how that you are a safe place to return to. No accusations. No shouting. No blame. Just give him a safe-ish (not too safe that it turns into cake eating) place to land when he wants to come back.



Having somebody be angry at you is not a safe place to return to. He will have noticed you had stopped that. They do notice things. They just don't tell you about it. All human nature.



It's all good stuff. However don't push too soon. Let HIM come back to YOU.

P17, thanks so much for answering me - in regards to the address you are correct about the mail forwarding - that was the reason he did it but nevertheless he could have asked me to send it to his work address - I was just surprised because of his paranoia with the PI I have no intention to have him followed again...
What you said about a safe place is exactly what my intentions were and are for the last 2 months - the way it was before was no living and no way to move forward - it doesn't mean I have forgotten, I just have to take it from a different angle.I am actually hoping that his change of behaviour is a result of me behaving differently but am not sure. Either way I am trying not to read to much into it

He is trusting you with his address. Don't abuse it at all. W gave me home # and email address and I need to make sure I don't abuse that either. It's a small baby step but it is still a step.



Reading too much into it is not to be nasty. It's actually to make sure you don't change your behaviour because of it. Your behaviour may be producing these results so you don't want to get carried away thinking he will come back to you and your behaviour, naturally, alters accordingly.

I will stay on track - the long term goal is all
that matters - thanks again

Bestrong, these changes are rather interesting--certainly they aren't BAD! So keep doing what you are doing and see what happens! I think the combination of this website and Dr. Harley will help. But remember the holidays can make us all act differently so keep that in mind. I am trying!

(BTW don't you wish you could just hear someone say YES THESE CHANGES PROVE YOUR WH SOUNDS LIKE HE IS COMING AROUND! YOU ARE RIGHT! Lol! We only get tough love from our online support friends because they have been there done that and don't want us to get disappointed! :-)

I wasn't expecting anything else then tough love honestly - was I wishing for something else - of course lol
But that wouldn't be helpful now would it?

I thought about it that maybe the holidays have something to do with his change of behaviour - not sure of that - it started already in October - he went for a short trip to Romania with his budddy and I sent him a text to wish him a good trip and that he really deserved a break. That might have helped.He is calling once a week at the moment - will see if it stays that way - time is flying anyway - I have so many other things to do with the kids... I keep you updated what happens...