We've been together 1 year and 10 months, moved in together after 4 months, engaged after 9 months, getting married in the Cayman Islands in November 2003 and in the process of building our first home together (completion date February 2004). What's the problem you ask? He puts sex on this pedestal and I don't get it! We're constantly arguing about sex, everything from how often we have it, how long the session is and how I respond or not to him. It's like he's the SEX-TWEEKER, there's always something wrong that needs fixing and it's always on my part. Don't get me wrong he claims I'm the best he's ever had and I think that's part of the problem-He cant get enough. If we had sex 2 days ago he says it's been forever since we've had it because I dont think he'd be happy until we have it everyday, 3 times a day. For me it is far from the best sex I've ever had and I could care less if we go 3 weeks without it, just as long as we have it a couple of times a month (just to get the edge/urge off). I know we could probably have sex more (currently once a week), but I'm not as enthusiastic as I would be if he was bigger and less critical. He's approximately 5.5"-6" long when erect and I prefer a lot larger and he spends the whole time concentrating on his performance and my expressions and reactions instead of just being himself and it shows tremedously!
I've accepted his smaller size and less athletic physique and am willing to take the plunge because he has more of a total package. My past sex partners were better-endowed and more physically fit but they were lacking so many other attributes. If he could just stop nagging me about sex issues, everything would be fine.
Is there anyway I'd desire him as much as he desired me at the size he is, even though I fantasize about an 8"! HELP IN A HURRAY, WE"RE GETTING MARRIED IN 5 weeks, hopefully!
I just have to jump in here. If y'all are having sexual differences to the level you are describing then DEFINITELY, WITHOUT A DOUBT, DO NO GET MARRIED IN 5 WEEKS. Postpone it. Don't freak out, just tell him you need more time to work out some issues. These issues will only get bigger and more unwieldy after you get married. Get counselling either for you or both. Talk about the sex differences and needs. Communicate the hell out of this. Don't do it in bed before going at it though. Talk about it over coffee or something. Take your time, this is important stuff.
If he wants sex everyday and gets irritable without it, how do you think he's going to react after a year or two of rejection, sex once a month.
If he knows that you think he's too small it will hurt his ego tremendously so be gentle. Most of us are at least mildly insecure about our size or shape or something. Statistically, it seems like 8 inchers are hard to come by (no pun intended), so maybe that expectation is unrealistic. Sorry, honey, just giving it to you straight, like I see it.
The reason he spends so much time focussed on his performance is that he is a sensitive guy, trying to please his lady, trying to make sure that she's having a good time. If you let your expressions & reactions make it obvious to him that you are really enjoying him, he will relax more. There is nothing more exciting for a guy than knowing that he is making his lady insane with pleasure. You have to let him know that it's ok for him to relax and just enjoy himself.
Take more time before hitchin the mule permanently. Marriage does not fix sex problems or any problems really. It does the opposite. It magnifies them. TAKE YOUR TIME. BE PATIENT. LIVE TOGETHER FOR A WHILE IF THAT WORKS FOR Y'ALL.
Sex is amazing stuff. It can bring one of the most spiritual experiences into daily proximity and it can destroy lives. When ENCOURAGED to flourish in a healthy relationship it will bring joy and fluidity to a relationship. Don't underestimate it's power or importance, especially for most guys. We love to have sex, it keeps us in balance, it makes a gray world look like rainbows.
Sex should be on a pedestal. It is a treasure. You are going to be asking him to restrict his sexual activities to you. You better make it worth his fidelity. You are the only one right now with the power to make his heart sing with joy or cry with anguish. Choose carefully, work things out, go slowly.
That was well said. You really brought some clarity as well as made a good point.... "You better make it worth his fidelity. You are the only one right now with the power to make his heart sing with joy or cry with anguish."
Can I ask you one other thing? If I'm not interested 4 days a week but he is, do I ignore my feelings or lack of interest and do it anyway? And if so, won't he notice that I'm not into it? I'm starting to understand why a lot of "GOOD WIVES" are "GOOD ACTORS".
Quote: Can I ask you one other thing? If I'm not interested 4 days a week but he is, do I ignore my feelings or lack of interest and do it anyway? And if so, won't he notice that I'm not into it? I'm starting to understand why a lot of "GOOD WIVES" are "GOOD ACTORS".
I've had this discussion with girlfriends of mine. It's my opinion that if you compromise at times and have sex even though you are not in the mood it does not mean having to "act." It's an attitude. It's about loving someone enough to step outside yourself and how you are feeling in that moment and do for them. I have a girlfriend who can tell when her husband is in the "mood." Regardless of what her mood is she will set the stage. Light candles, run a bubble bath for the 2 of them and give him an evening of pleasure. She says it's about doing for him...not about how she is feeling or what she is wanting but about the satisfaction she gets from making him feel good about himself.
I don't believe any of us should ever act or compromise ourselfs. I do believe though that if you genuinely love someone and care about what they need then you are willing to give even if you aren't in the mood to give. It means less pain for the other person and isn't that what loving someone means? Cathy
Thanks, I'm still young, this is all new to me but I'm really, really eager to listen and learn because I do love this man and sex has never been a priority for me. I just happen to have a preference, but I'm willing to get or over that I just need advice. I'm not ready to put this man's penis size down in front of a counselor when I know he can't help it. This is better for me at this time in my life.
I really appreciate what Cathy has to say here, and can tell you, Almost_Married, that if my wife *acted* like Cathy's friend just half the time, I would not be on this website.
This is not a brag, but I am the size you are looking for, and am handsome (so my wife tells me), yet she wants me an average of once every 2-3 months. Go figure?? My point is that sex in a relationship is very much a state of mind. My wife is stunning, yet she is completely incapable of having a healthy sexual relationship with me. Something is blocking her. I want her to be more responsive to me, physically, yet when I touch her in a sexy manner she is uterly unresponsive, and that makes me desire her less. I have had much stronger physical attractions to women not as pretty as my wife, because it's in my mind. The electricity with those women was stronger because we could read each other, much like Cathy's friend reads her spouse. It is not an *act* to follow thru on an intuition of what will make your spouse happy. It's a journey of give and take. A long, but potentially very satisfying journey.
You can find your passion if you are sincerely looking for it. You certainly won’t stumble acrosss it if you’re running the other direction. Seek out your sexuality. Don’t try to just get by.
In my opinion, either you need to get closer to his level of lovin dosage or he needs to come down to yours (trust me, won’t happen for another 30 years) or you need to find a guy that doesn’t like sex much more than you do (tough to find a young healthy guy like that).
Cathy47 said it right. If you can be loving enough to give him a “snack” to tide him over til next time (don’t make him wait more than a week) he will be in much better spirits. If you really do love him then making some sacrifices will not take those feelings of love away but rather you will love him more from your acts of giving and you will have a man that will light up when he sees you. Have you read Sex Starved Marriage yet? If not then get it asap. Pay extra attention to the "just do it" principle.
Talk to the counselor privately about your penis size issues. Your the first woman I’ve ever heard of that actually came out and said that penis size matters. Usually women claim that technique and sensitivity, kindness, etc. are much more important. I’m curious to know if this is a myth and women really do prefer a large cactus on a dude. Come on ladies, tell us the truth.
Are there any real guys out there that have actually been about to increase their size by any of the many methods that are being proclaimed in every spam email?
4 days a week would be awesome. Some of us are only getting it 4 times a year or once in 4 years. It seems it’s about meeting the other person’s needs, not keeping up with the status quo. Still, I’d be dancing like a leprecaun on St. Paddy’s day with 4 times a week. Even twice a week would keep me smiling.
Quote: My point is that sex in a relationship is very much a state of mind
I totally agree with this statement and I would say stop blaming your BFs lack of size for your sexual dissatisfaction. You don't sound like you are ready for marriage in 5 weeks. Please reconsider or you will hurting the poor fellow. LH
Quote: Your the first woman I’ve ever heard of that actually came out and said that penis size matters. Usually women claim that technique and sensitivity, kindness, etc. are much more important. I’m curious to know if this is a myth and women really do prefer a large cactus on a dude. Come on ladies, tell us the truth.
Hi AM: I'll give you my answer: It's definitely technique, kindness, sensitivity, anticipation and a good amount of foreplay for me. If I'm primed beforehand then I'm good to go no matter what the size.
I don't prefer a "large cactus." The only time size has made any difference at all to me was once when the guy was so large that it was painful. Not interested in that! The aveage size of the male penis is 6 inches. Guess you could say I go for your average, everyday sort of fella. It's the talent driving the package that counts in my opinion but I do believe that my attitude plays a large role. If I've told myself that size matters then size is going to matter. That would be my attitude robbing me of pleasure and not the size of his penis. For me it's about who the cactus is attached to and how much feeling I have for the person. Cathy
