Say my ex last week, he is losing so much weight. He never let himself get that skinny. I was shocked, my neighbors did not recognize him.
This thanksgiving is a complete blessing for me. Ex always gets the kids on this day per our divorce decree. He told my son and daughters to make other plans. He is going to treat it like any other day. So I actually get to spend it with my kids.......
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Understanding the Mid-Life Crisis by Peter O'Connor is out of print but sometimes found in library or Amazon. Doesn't kill you with technical but goes deeper than the feel good books.
If you want to step over to the other side and read something the IC might suggest to someone in crisis, "In The Meantime" by Vanzant. It views the world as a multistory house with a basement. All our trash is in the basement that we must get in order before we can go to the next level. We have more work to do there before we can go upstairs to the peaceful room with a view. There is different work to be done there. It is uncomfortable to read the parts that tell you to just throw it all away and go for the passions you desire - as you begin cleaning the trash out of the basement. I didn't like thinking I was trash.
But the rest of the book could be for all of us dealing with dramatic change in our life. We all have to clean our own basements and work our way back up to the comfort of our room with a view.
I am sure others here can list a great number of books. I've seen many mentioned here but can only handle so many words in one lifetime.
I actually read a thread from the archives a couple of days ago with a lot of discussion from the Peter O'Connor book. I found it to be very insightful. Here is the link.
W2S, that was a great post with your info from the book! It is always helpful to be able to understand more what they are going through and why they are acting the way they are. I wish it made it easier to deal with, but maybe it is easier to extend more grace.
When they are in replay or withdrawal do they act like normal people? or what we see as normal? I mean, I feel like really he is moved on, he is where he really wants to be and maybe he is but is their "acting" for us? Is that why the stay away for weeks at a time and then all of a sudden they want to be dad again..that's what is so strange..he acts like he just saw the kids the day before and it's been 6 weeks...blows the mind..
My H's childhood was very loving..his mom is a bit overbearing and always told her younger son to see how great my H was...he would feel bad when she did this in front of his brother...maybe because he knew he was no better but didn't want to disappoint her? could that be it? this all happened in the past 10 years...and the love child was born 10 yrs ago..
I believe now that our life probably couldn't have kept going the way it was in the rut...the every day grind...it's just unfortunate it had to be this severe...
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
My H "TRIED" to act normal. We all saw through it because he went from one extreme to the other.
The staying away for weeks, I experienced that! My H would not contact any of us for weeks and then act like it was a day or too. He would argue that he just saw us and we would look at each other and knew he had lost his mind!
Anything can trigger MLC. The trigger for my H was when his mother died unexpectedly and was cremated the same day and we were on our way there. None of his brothers got to say goodbye. He took a nosedive then. I really think he started a few years before that though when he retired from the military. But his moms death sent him over the edge. I really think that if it wasn't for that he would have managed to make it through without full blown MLC.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I meant that my H was just starting his A with the ow. She is Bipolar and was manic and he didn't sleep or eat. Also he spent every waking moment with her. He was fired from his job and she didn't work.
