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No texts at all. She is Jonny on the spot about erasing everything.

How many I don't know but I know she texts. I was looking at my text history yesterday I still have one's from 3 months ago.

I know I know red flag but what to do.

Last night was interesting at home.

I started my 180's the coach gave me a they worked perfectly.

Wife says okay thanks for waiting until we move to give an answer about her "offer".

She kept trying to drag me into what I thought about the "offer" but I would not take the bait. I said "I am not talking about this right now, after we move".

She was clearly in a low mood. Was saying stuff like "I just hope my kids still love me after this" and "I hope we are still friends after this".

To both I said "I have no idea". I am not sitting there making her feel better about her choices.

She sent a email last night that I got today.

Okay good idea to wait (about "Offer")

"I think we need to look at sleeping arragements after we move". (I already told her I was staying in the bed she could move).

Also she informed me she is taking the "Parenting After Separtion" class on Thursday.

I have made no response yet.

Funny when the 180's are consistant it throws her.

She just phoned me at work to tell me she managed to get another 1/2 hour sleep yada yada. Have a good day. WTF??

Anyone have a non-negative way to say I am not moving out of the bed when we move but if you want to you can.

Or how to respond to the "Parenting After Separation" class?

Your answer was good. You might also try something like:

"I agree; I'm sure this will be difficult on them. On ALL of us."

or

"I'm sure our relationships will change; I'm not naive. Our job as their parents will be to help them get thru this in a healthy, safe way, regardless of how our relationship changes."

As for her wiping texts, well . . . . you know already.

Puppy

Okay so I this point I have decided to just leave the comment on the change in sleeping arrangements.

If she brings it up tonight I will tell her that I had already told her what my plans are and she will have to decide for herself.

She tries to say that it is dangerous for the kids for her to be downstairs because I leave so early in the morning but as far as I'm concerned she can come back upstairs when I leave.

Sounds good.

Okay so the converstion did come up.

I said you can do whatever you would like.

Her: "I would like you to sleep downstairs".

No I am not sleeping downstairs but you are welcome to is my answer.

She really didn't like that.

Then she starts going on about

Some custody issues and I get a bit pissed off as I am trying to take my son to soccer.

I tell her again when we move I will sit down with you and discuss this.

Then later she starts saying crap like "do you hate me"? and "I feel lonely".

She wants me to make her feel better and tell her I am okay with all of this. I totally refuse to do that.

This morning I got an email saying you need to move downstairs because I was putting the moves on her last night. Ooppps I was sleeping and don't even remember that.

I apoligize for that and tell her she can sleep downstairs.

I also tell her that the kids and I are in one room talking about our "new house" and all the stuff we are going to do there and she is in another room making totaly different plans. A bit frustrating.

I also made an appointment with a lawyer for next week.

Bump

Her patterns are pretty obvious. She didn't like your answers about her sleeping downstairs so she decided to piss you off by talking about custody.

This is a cycle between the two of you that must stop. Just like last week when you didn't like her answer about the money you went right to the mediator to piss her off.

Can you see how unhealthy BOTH those exchanges are and why? Can you see why it kills anything positive?

Clearly the two of you know how to push each others buttons and only you can stop. She may or may not but you stop.

Once she realized the threatening would not work she tried a new tactic - for you to feel sorry for her (ex. I feel lonely). When that didn't work she then resorted to basically telling you that you did something while you were sleeping that may or may not happened and if it *did* happen a simple apology should suffice.

Three tactics, no resolution or solution. See?

And don't tell her anything she says is frustrating you. Ignore it.

Good on seeing an attny.

Good.



Also good.



What exactly did you say in response to these?



Then how do you know it happened? Most people don't "put the moves" on other people if they are asleep.



Good.



Not good. It's not your place right now to communicate this kind of thing; it's R talk, and it's pursuing.



Good.

Hi City girl.

You are absolutely right about the killing of the positive.

That is exactly what my coach said NO NEGATIVITY very hard sometimes.

...and Trent.

As far as the do you hate me question I said no.

The lonely I said thats too bad.

This is exactly what I said about the kids and I

What is starting to frustrate me is that the kids and I are sitting in one room talking about the "new house" and all the activities we are going to do and you are sitting in another planning your new life.

Wrong? I guess that's already what you said.

Do the mistakes really hamper the outcome of this? This is sooooo frustrating sometimes